If you give birth to a defective child, would you consider giving it away ?

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   Purple Perlposted 12 years ago

   If you give birth to a defective child, would you consider giving it away ?
   
   Or, if you choose to keep it, will you neglect it ? If this child is your first born, will you get pregnant a second time ? Will your second child get preference over the first if it is healthier?

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2. 61

   rlahaposted 12 years ago

   I would keep my child, nuture the child, get the medical help the child might need and yes, in time I will definitely try to have another child.  I don't think either child would be loved more. I would love both of my children equally.  Good question.

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   Anne Pettitposted 12 years ago

   This is a very scary question.  If a birth mother gives up her child because she perceives a defect, then she wants to give the child up because it is damaged?  A birth mother gives up her child because she cannot care for the child, not because there is anything wrong with the child.  The disability or illness, or appearance of a child does not even factor into the desire, or urge of the parent to care for, and nurture a child.

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   Joyette Fabienposted 12 years ago

   Absolutely not!
   Your child is a part of you. You nutured that defective child within you in the same way that you would have nutured  any child. Besides this child needs you more than the normal child. She needs more love because the world isn't going to be kind to her. If you who gave birth to this child cannot love her enough to want to cherish and protect her why would you expect someone else to do so except if you just don't care?
   I would keep this child and shower her with love. I would do everything in my power to help her live as normal a life as possible

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      gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      +100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

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5. 79

   delaneyworldposted 12 years ago

   This is a loaded question.  I would not use the word defective to describe any child.  Certainly there are kids born with physical challenges, but they are still amazing people with extraordinary potential.  My daughter has Epilepsy.  I do not consider her defective.  She is one of the strongest people I have ever known.  She is my inspiration, my heart and my love. 
   
   I also have Rheumatoid Arthritis and a host of other physical problems, but I feel I am no different than any other person on the inside. 
   
   Every human has incredible potential regardless of their physical challenges.  I embrace all differences and believe every child is deserving of love, nurturing and support in developing into the wonderful person they are.

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   Lisa HWposted 12 years ago

   First, I wouldn't call my child "a defective child".  He or she would be, in my eyes and in how I described him/her, "a perfect child who happened to have a disability and/or a medical condition".
   
   Whether or not I had (or adopted) another child would depend on how much love and care and time the first one required, in view of his/her medical problem and/or disability. 
   
   Since it isn't easy to watch a child have such a problem, and since it isn't easy for anyone to have to live with having "a problem" himself, before I had another pregnancy I'd want to know the chances of having another child with that problem.  If the problem wasn't too extreme and there was high genetic risk of other babies' having it, I might consider having another child.  If the problem was extremely difficult and/or painful to deal with I wouldn't.  I'd probably adopt the next child if I could.
   
   No child I ever had/had would ever get preference over any other; although a child with a disability and/or medical condition often takes up a lot of parents' time and attention, so I can see how other children might end up feeling as if the child with the problem was given "first preference".  I wouldn't really be preference, but it could end up appearing to be (especially to the healthier child).
   
   Then, too, sometimes parents know that their disabled/ill child requires a lot of time and attention,and that their healthier child often seems to take a back seat; so parents may try to make up for that by finding special time, or things to do, with the healthier child.  So, it could look to someone else as if the parents sometimes "favor" that healthier child.
   
   The only way I'd ever consider giving away my child with disability or medical condition would be if I were enough of a "defective parent" enough that my child's problem meant I've value him less out of my own ignorance and misguided values.  If I found myself in that situation then - yes - I'd place the child for adoption by someone who wasn't "a defective parent" and could and would love my child the way any normal parent can bond with, and love, a child.

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   1. 82

      gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      +10000000000000000000000000000000000000!

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7. 0

   Lady_Eposted 12 years ago

   I think  you have already drawn your own conclusion/opinion from the way you asked the question.  A child should not be referred to as "defective" or "it".
   
   No baby chooses the way they were born and deserve all the love, care and support parents can give.
   
   For people who choose not to have a second child because of the situation you described above, they have to remember nothing in life is guaranteed. kids / teens / adults have accidents / illnesses later in life, that could cause physical problems or disability.
   
   Will they abandon their child then?

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8. 59

   Eliminate Cancerposted 12 years ago

   What would you consider defective?  A child is a child.

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   xethonxqposted 12 years ago

   No child is defective.....distorted thinking about having a "defective child" is defective in an of itself.

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10. 81

    Connie Smithposted 12 years ago

    Sometimes a child is born "defective" but the mother doesn't even know it.  As in the case of my granddaughter, who was born with a brain tumor but symptoms did not show up for over two years.  However a "defective" child is born, either at birth, symptoms manifesting later or circumstances that make a child "defective", like a brain injury from bicycle or car wreck, each mother has to come to her own reasoning on whether she can "keep it."  Not every mother has the resources available to care for a "defective" child.  She may be any of these:  young, older, single, unemployed, a student, alone, have physical or mental illnesses, or just be overwhelmed with the children she already has.  She may know that she cannot take care of her baby or child in the manner it needs to be taken care of.  While many mothers have a great support system, many do not.  Often we do not know the true family circumstances.  I think that the best thing we can do is to not judge the circumstances of others.
    
    Taking care of a sick child takes over one's life in some of the worst -- and some of the best --ways.  As to having future children if a child is born "defective," I think the reason why a child is born with a defect is the best answer to that question -- and best left to to individual cases.  If it is gene related and doctors think that other children will be born the same, we have to think deeply over bringing a child into this world to face suffering.  Even though my granddaughter was born "defective," her older brother was not.  Sometimes, it is just the luck of the draw, unfortunately.  Each circumstance has to be decided case by case.  It is very difficult to balance the attention between so called healthy children and their unfortunate siblings.  For me, juggling my attention between my granddaughter and three healthy grandsons who are all under six gives me great understanding on how difficult it is.  Somehow, a mother or grandmother, who puts her children before herself, will find a way to give love and attention to all of them.  How about parents who have many children? How do they find the time....or do they?  My great-grandmother had fourteen children.  Her heart just expanded with each baby, grandbaby and great-grandbaby born and it shows the capacity of the human heart to love.

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    onegoodwomanposted 12 years ago

    Dearest Purple Perl...........
    
    
    I will not in any way, attempt to answer your question.
    
    Perhaps, it is,  sincere, perhaps you are seeking genuine counsel........perhaps, you are facing turmoil.  Maybe, you are looking for acceptance, relief or self forgiveness........  Perhaps, any host of possibilites....
    
    
    But your approach is calous, dehumanizing, cruel, and socially unacceptable.   This is not done on public forums.
    
    
    Just, perhaps, you need more counsel than this forum can offer.............I hope that you find your answers................
    
    but to openly, question others with such an undercurrent of hostiliaty, is unacceptable and tasteless.
    
    I KNOW...........because, I was such a mother.

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    Faceless39posted 12 years ago

    First off, you use the word "defective," which to my mind is a pretty cold term.  Secondly, you call a human being an "it," which is just amazing.  I can't agree with your terminology.  That said, there are flukes of nature, and they're to be enjoyed as works of greatness that will add joy to our lives and others'.

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    thoughtwomanposted 12 years ago

    I don't consider any living creature to be defective. Western culture tends to glorify that which they normalize. For people, that means someone who tall, thin, white, handsome or pretty, and every other characteristic to which we are supposed to aspire,
    
    To label something "defective" automatically points to what one would consider "not defective." Any answer you seek would be subjective, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I find wonder in all living creatures, so I avoid labeling things if I can. I don't want to be placed in a box and measured against other who are placed in that same box. I want to be unique and different. The world would be a boring place if everyone was the same.
    
    So to answer the question you posed, no, I wouldn't consider anything, because the thought of a defenseless and helpless child being defective would not have even crossed my mind.

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    mothatcoolkidposted 12 years ago

    I'd treat it like a normal child. Sure, I'd be upset because there are challenges along the way, ones you wouldn't face with a normal child, but I'd love it as a child and treat it better than "defective" in your words.

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    Tams Rposted 12 years ago

    Purple Perl I have two simple questions.
    Is anyone perfect?
    Did this happen to you?
    Answering my own first question. No one is perfect which by definition means we all have flaws.
    As for the second question, the only possible way I can understand a person asking such a question in the manner you have is if they personally feel they were defective and their parent showed favoritism to a second child. If that is the case, I am truly sorry but no person is defective and should not be cast aside for their flaws.
    I love my children equally and as a parent to a special needs child, I believe it should always be that way.
    If this did not happen to you, I'm not inclined to move forward with the way your question was delivered as I feel it is unwarranted, putting it mildly.

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    MPG Narrativesposted 12 years ago

    In my circle of friends and family there are parents dealing with children who have many different problems (I refuse to use the word you have chosen Purple Perl) and they all have good and bad days, however, never once have I heard anyone say they would give up their child!
    
    I am lucky, I have not had to make such a decision but having seen what I have with these wonderful parents I know the struggles would be worth it. To have a child love you is the best feeling in the world and a child with problems loves just as much (if not more) than a child who is "normal'.
    
    Not one of us is perfect and life is far from perfect so we take what we are given and make the best of what we have. Whether we have one child or ten, we give them our best because that's what everyone deserves.

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