Do you enable your adult child(ren)?
If they want or need something are you always providing the easy solution rather than putting your foot down? What do you get out of this as a parent?
My adult kids are fine. If they want something I seldom hear about it, and they certainly don't expect it from me. If they need something I seldom hear about it, and wish they'd let me know so, maybe, I actually could help them a little. There's nothing to enable.
Having said that, once kids have grown into adults most of them are just that - adults. They know they can't/shouldn't expect anything from anyone. Most young adults want nothing more than to be completely independent and absolutely without need of anything from anyone. I don't think people should be insecure about worry about "teaching" adult children, because most have already been taught.
As someone who has had more than my share of times when I needed something, and having experienced the huge relief of having someone come along and make sure my struggles were eased; if my kids ever need anything and I know about and can help them, I still want to be that person who "comes along" for them. The value of having that someone who is there to "come along" and ease SOME burdens can't be underestimated. Not having such a person, and being left to struggle or suffer when someone else is entirely capable of helping, and when that someone else supposedly loves us, isn't what I'd ever want for my kids, no matter how old they get. (But, of course, that's when the adult children in question aren't expecting something unhealthy or unreasonable and are simply people with legitimate need because, maybe, they're young and just getting on the feet.) Sometimes parents have to get out of the teaching-lessons mode and pop-psychology mode, and just be a good, other half, of the relationship they have with a fully grown child. Responsible, independent and self-sufficient grown kids can run into difficulties too.
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