How would you handle the let down of your child wanting someone to be their friend?
Your child is wanting a person to be their friend. They go to school together, live down the street from each other, and go to community events. The other child is willing to invite your child to birthday parties, although the other child never wants to play with your child or get together. Your child has made many attepts to be friends. How would you handle this?
I am dealing with this very situation with my 5 year old. I am glad you asked, bc I was considering asking a similar question. For us, though, it's the parents. Initially, our kids got together to play - at both of our homes. However, my five year old told their child that Santa is not real back in February. He has apologized, I apologized (we have told our children not to tell other kids!). But ever since then, while the mom is friendly to my face, she does not return phone calls or texts. We'll run into them at community funcitons, stores & the movies. We are handling by being friendly. My son wanted to get the other child a birthday gift, even though he was not invited to his party. He is oblivious to the snubbing. I took him to the store and allowed him to choose a gift. We left it on their front porch bc no one answered the door when we brought it to the house. About a week later, we ran into them at the movies, my son talked to the boy. I asked the mom if they had gotten the gift. She said yes and that her son was excited and put it together that day. That was it. So, we'll just continue to be friendly when we see them. I wish you and your child well!
I'd probably tell my child something along the lines of, "I think he seems to be busy a lot of the time, with his family or the friends he already has. Or, maybe he just likes to play different kinds of things than you do. You should think of someone else to try to play with. Just because children live nearby and like each other, it doesn't necessarily mean they like to play the same kind of things."
This is always a touchy subject because we, as parents, want the best for our children and don't want them to be hurt. Friends are a vital part of our life and we need to teach our young children how to be good friends to all. When they encounter someone whom they cant really do things with, they do wonder why.
The best thing to do is to allow your child first and foremost, to let their feelings out and to ask any questions that they may. It's your job to make sure that they understand that although they may want to get together with the other child, that their parent may not allow that to happen. We need to explain that everyone is raised differently and that some children have restrictions as to when, where and who they can play with. Always make sure that your child understands that its NOT a direct correlation to them as a person so that they don't feel like its their fault that they cant play together.
When my children were small, I too went through this and my daughter couldn't understand why this happened. I explained to her that although we may see the other girl at a party or at a neighborhood get together, her mom didnt want her to have a friend or two over because she was very afraid that if something happened to another child at her home, she would be responsible and she didnt want to worry about that. So she only allowed her daughter to play with friends when all the other parents were around. My daughter understood that and I made sure that she knew it had no reflection as to who my daughter was.
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