To help a child grow into a responsible person what parents should do?
I have a 11 year old son. I try to make him a responsible person for his own works/studies etc. But it seems very tough. Some simple and easy guidance from your experience will help many in my condition. How to make him more interested for his works/studies mainly?
I have three young kids - age 8, 11, 13. I have each of them write up the things he/she needs to do daily on a piece of paper, and put down proximately at what time these things need to be done along with the punishments that they think are fair. I tape them on a wall where it's visible to everyone. If they fail to do what they need to do, then they just have to face the consequences. It takes time for the kids to remember to do what they have put down on the paper, especially at the beginning, but it seems to work for us. Now they would go check their "To Do List" each day before turning on their Wii games or going outside to play with their friends. When school starts again, they will have to make a different "To Do List".
Just keep in mind that each child is unique. One rule doesn't always fit everyone.
Thank you so much for your kind advice. It seems very practical as you made them enlist their to do things themselves. This sure will help them remember them easy. And the punishment matter also quite reasonable.
I will sure to try this with my son.
I have three divas, under 13. I think "easier" is not in the vocabulary when it deals with raising children. What I can tell you is the more grounded, loving & empathetic to the hormones, influence of peer pressure and simply a child becoming their "own" warriors(good metaphor) then you can be relieved that your goal is to set up a foundation of goodness in this seedling. The rest is up to him as he/she flourish and give back.
Now I have to listen/act to my own advice:)
Being a Mom of two young ladies (oldest 18 and youngest 14)both on honor rolls - its is a miracle to get them "interested" in school work. I think that at this age, and on to when they graduate, a parent must be involved along the way. (Not helping with homework) but, going to the teachers and finding out what opportunites are in place to help with homework - and if there are any after school programs ot help with homework. Most kids don't know about what is available to help them and if they do, they are not really interested in doing it. The school system here in VA offers a weekly progress report so your kid knows where he stands every week - (i.e., what is missing what failed, what passed, extra credit etc.) that helps plus, parents must sign each week so you know what is going on. It counts against you if the parent does not sign off each week. In my experience it makes a difference when teachers see that parents at home "do really care" and make an effort to help the child. I know we are all very busy, but, we should never be too busy for our children as they are our priorities or should be. If your kids school does not offer any after school homework help - as them if they know of any other places or kids with high grades that your kid can go to for help after school. Or ask his teachers to give you a weekly progress report - request them to email it if necessary so you can keep abreast of what is going on. Your kids need to see that they "can't pull the wool over your eyes." and if show them if they don't keep up with it, they will lose cell phone priviledges or some other event or thing they are attached too things will soon click in their brains. The item or event as risk has got to mean something to make them motivated. I don't have to nag with them about it every day. I just explained to my kids that the same applies to me out in the real world. If I don't do what is expected of me at work then I loose benefits and its all based on my annual evaluation. I often refer to school as their workplace and the library as their office and homework as their job description. The report card is the evaluation of his bosses (teachers). It's a constant struggle at first as they will throw all kinds of excues at you to see if you bite, but, if you follow up on all their excuses or if you stick with the system, it works. Kids need to know what you say is real and will happen. When you don't do what you say you lose leverage and they do whatever. At first you will hear lots of excuses why this is the way it is but, overall they get it - you are not going to budge, they will do it. Soon they will be glad to show you their weekly progress report and or report card and you no longer have to ask for it and the grades will improve and the life lesson will be learned along the way.
The foremost thing is you should set an example to him. Secondly, you should keep on giving him advice politely. In due course of time, the message will get registered in his mind. You should keep patience and should never lose your cool.
Lead by example. Our children are like sponges, they absorb everything they see and hear. Parents need to be good examples in all aspects. Also, parents need to show their children that they as parents are human, they make mistakes and learn from them.
I have two boys, and we went through the same thing with them. Something I did to help them become more responsible at school was to pay them for "A's". In elementary this became a game. When they received their report cart they earned $1.00 for every "A" and I increased the amount every quarter, so the second quarter they received $2.00, third quarter $3.00 and fourth quarter $4.00. When they reached Middle School and High School I started out a little higher, $2.00 for first quarter in Middle School and $3.00 for first quarter in High School, and continued the increase by a dollar every quarter. I told them the work became a little more difficult so I would increase the amount. This seemed to motivate them to bring home good grades until they realized on their own that grades were important for college. I still gave them money, but it became less of a motivating factor and more of a treat.
Rewards work, and so do consequences. I would always check the grades at mid-term and if they had anything below a "B" I took their video games from them until I got a not from the teacher telling me the grade had gone up. This usually didn't take very long. I also would not allow them to play sports in high school if they had grades below a "B".
teach by example- including the way you relate to him: keep your word, etc.
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