Overprotective Parents That Are in Denial

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   gmwilliamsposted 12 years ago

   It truly amazes me when overprotective parents lament how immature and irresponsible their adolescent and/or near adult children are.   Didn't they realize that they were partly responsible by their intrusive and controlling parenting in making their children childish, puerile, and indecisive?  They need to be realistic regarding this issue and to wake up and smell the coffee so to speak!

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      couturepopcafeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      True the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  We have to consider the parents of the parents and so on.  It's up to the individual to recognize where they need to grow.  Observe your parents objectively if you can and decide what can be done to change yourself.  Then attempt to do it with focused effort.  Over time, one may actually change but somehow, whenever we're with that parent or family again, we seem to revert back to the old ways.

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2. 68

   MikeNVposted 12 years ago

   Who are you to judge who is overprotective?

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3. 61

   Lisa HWposted 12 years ago

   There's "intrusive", and there's "controlling", and then there's "over-protective" - and they all aren't always the same thing.
   
   I'd be interested in knowing what the OP's idea of "over-protective" is, because I don't think others can offer much in terms of discussion (or agree or disagree) without knowing what the OP's thinking is "over-protective".
   
   The world is full of people who aren't protective enough and who think everyone else is over-protective; and then when they do they'll blame whatever goes wrong with kids on the "over-protective" parent.  Even if the parent were, in fact, over-protective; lots of time things that can go wrong with kids have nothing to do with that.

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4. 61

   shea duaneposted 12 years ago

   I was molested by a stranger when I was 6 because my parents didn't give a crap about me. My husband was beaten up by teenages when he was 10 and playing in the snow with his friend. In a children's bookstore, my son was sitting on the carpet looking at a book (i was maybe 10 feet away)when a man came in and exposed himself to my baby. My son (at 10) was in a restroom by himself when another man exposed himself to him and the other young people there waiting. My friend's daughter was groped at a 7-11 when she was 12 and was allowed to walk to the store by herself. How do you define over-protective in today's dysfunctional world? Look at what just happened at Penn State...

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5. 55

   MissJamieDposted 12 years ago

   Sadly I think parents have to be overprotective these days!
   
   In my opinion these things would be considered overprotective: checking on kids every five minutes no matter what they're doing, not allowing them to spend time with friends at their homes or events outside of school, being everywhere your child goes, keeping them always home where they're "safe".
   
   There are things that may make a parent overprotective but it's their job while you're a adolescent/minor to keep you safe! If they're pretending that outside life doesn't exist that's one thing but I think most parents these days feel they have to be a tad over-bearing to make their children understand how important it is that they make smart decisions.
   
   The world is a scary place today! We, as parents know that because we lived/live it! so kids out there please understand that we're only your guidance for such a short time in life and we do things for a reason (most of the time, we're not perfect either).

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   greatparentingposted 12 years ago

   I think there's a difference between being overprotective and being careful. Parents do need to protect their kids but they also need to teach the children how to be responsible for their own safety. It's a very delicate balance. Of course, in the beginning, parents are 100% responsible for their kids but over time it's important to pass along some of that responsibility to the child so that when the time comes, we can let them go out into the world knowing that they can take control for themselves.

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7. 73

   msshandriaballposted 12 years ago

   You have to be overprotective. Our children are our treasures.If you don't protect them, as a parent ,who will?

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8. 85

   rebekahELLEposted 12 years ago

   I feel a hub brewing here.. like others have mentioned, there's a difference between being overprotective and being protective and careful.  Overprotective parents raise children who often end up being co-dependent adults. They expect others to do everything for them, and can't think for themselves.

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      Shadesbreathposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I wrote on this topic awhile back. I agree that that we totally over-protect our kids. It really goes to prove how selfish we are as a culture and how pleasure focused we are. We don't want to discipline our kids because it's unpleasant. We don't want them to go outside because if they get hurt, we'll feel sad. WE are selfish and it's hosing our kids.
      
      We've invented these silly, grossly unsuccessful soft-disciplines that only work for a tiny percentage of kids/parent combinations, and the rest of the people just don't bother (because to knock the crap out of some sh!t-head disrespectful little punk and put him on the right path is illegal). The kids like to not be disciplined, the parents don't have to feel bad.  Worse, we don't let them go outside because we're terrified of losing them to some bad person. Yes, it could happen, but maybe if we TALK to our kids about uncomfortable stuff (instead of enjoying the comfort of not having that conversation), they would be savvy enough to go outside. Dare I suggest that parents get off the computer long enough to go sit outside and watch their kids?... No, I dare not. I risk a rant here, so I'll just link my hub. Maybe a few will have a look and give some feedback.
      
      Stop Neutering Our Kids

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         rebekahELLEposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I'll definitely give your hub a read. As soon as I'm done with the poetry contest, I think this will be a topic for my next hub.
         Then on the other extreme, you have parents who want others to discipline and raise their children. I've seen parents who drop off their infants at child care and leave them from opening to close while they take the week off. They want to get their money's worth is the justification, and to get things done... oh really? Did you tell your infant?  {rant}

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            Shadesbreathposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Actually, you know, you did read it. LOL. IT's like deja vous, someone else posted this same forum thread like 9 or 10 months ago, I linked it (probably with a similar response), and you were kind enough to check it out. Funny how the cycle is so cyclical on the Internet, eh? lol.

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9. 64

   jeyaramdposted 12 years ago

   Parents seldom take responsiblity for their parenting. They are quicker to find fault in the parenting of others. These are the parents that have to be in full control of their child's life. Its a control issue. But, what they don't realize is that true happiness in parenthood is to see an independent child grow to achieve and succeed in all of life's obstacles on their own merit. Personally, I would be happy to see my child succeed; regardless if my name is attached to it or not. Thats the true meaning of love. Let your child learn and let them find things on their own. They gain the most satisfaction and self-confidence from that self-discovery process. When the child find their true sense of identity; that is your greatest gift to the world as a parent. You build a child to be independent and strong one day.

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      rebekahELLEposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with what you say, although I'm not sure about your first sentence. Some parents simply don't realize what parenting involves. I work very directly with parents and their children, and I see a lot of guilt in parenting. It's really quite sad, because it has psychological effects on the child as well. Parenting requires enormous patience and skill, but more importantly, it requires love and respect for the child as a separate human being.
      
      I couldn't agree more with your last two sentences. Helping to build a strong, compassionate human being is truly a gift to the world.

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         jeyaramdposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you for your insight. There are parents, like you mention, that are clueless in the realm of parenting. I admit, there are those that do feel awful about their parenting and as such, a general statement, is uncalled for. I would like to say that there are some that do not take responsibility for their parenting. And claim that the child is at fault for not turning out a particular way as if they had no part in that result. Thank you again for making note. I appreciate your comment.

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   2. 61

      couturepopcafeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I think there is a difference in protecting a young child from outside harm and allowing him to become dysfunctional.  While we're protecting them, we can also be teaching them values, self respect, self esteem, observance and consideration, sharing, and all the other things that make a sound adult mind.  When he's old enough to go out into the world, these things should carry him.  But there are no guarantees at any age that we won't be victims of some sort of abuse.  The physical kind may be more difficult to avoid but the verbal/emotional kind can be thwarted with a good guidance at early ages.  At least that's the best any parent can hope for.
      
      My mother is 90.  She still prays for every one of her kids, grandkids, and great grandkids EVERY DAY.

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10. 82

    gmwilliamsposted 12 years ago

    Beautiful sentiment that you have expressed.   I concur with you completely.    God bless your mother.  She is a wonderful person.

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11. 61

    ikechiawazieposted 12 years ago

    I agree with you all on overprotective parents, i wrote a hub on Education In Nigeria: Learning System check it out
    ikechiawazie.hubpages.com/hub/Nigerias-Educational-Problem-The-Media-Are-Not-Telling-The-Truth.
    
    In that hub, i blamed parent for lack of education in Nigeria, When parents dont balance the difference between being disciplined and pampering their children, it leads to spoilt and immatured adults.

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       Shadesbreathposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Good article. Seems that in some ways, there's a lot of similarities between Nigeria and here. Just goes to prove people are people no matter where you go, prone to the same issues, the same corruptions, flaws, laziness and idiocy. LOL. How uplifting! 

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    cat on a soapboxposted 12 years ago

    The behavior of kids that come from parents who are "over-protective" or too-controlling can vary alot. Due to some circumstances such as learning/behavior disability, child abuse, or dangerous environments; parents have to keep a tighter grip on children. I agree that some kids will be unprepared for adulthood because they have never been allowed to fend for themselves in difficult situations. Parents are often too ready to step in and handle conflicts, make decisions, and gloss over disappointments.  Kids need practice with these things so they can gain confidence to meet them head on. It is also important to hover when they are young then gradually loosen up toward the teen years; however, this approach is often reversed as the stakes get higher. If started early, your kids will be earning privileges as they master the behavior and will be better prepared for adolescense.

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