Do you think parents are trying too hard to be friends with their kids instead of actual parents?
i don't think parents should be friends with their kids but rather be parents who show their kids what is right and wrong.
This is an age old dilemma. Everyone wants to be friends with their kids but there are limits and parents have to know when to draw the line between friendship and parenting. I don't believe this generation is any worse than past generations.
It's difficult these days for every parent to make the right decisions when it comes to teaching their kids how to grow into well adjusted adults. Perhaps for some a more authoritative role is required; with others a softer more gentle approach many be the root to success. Children are not made from moulds; they are unique individuals most of whom are desperate to grow up. Perhaps the key is really knowing your child and teaching them in a way you know they'll not only learn but also practice. I don't believe there's a right or wrong way; it very much depends on the child and the parent.
I'd say it's vitally important that while children are young, say, pre-teenagers, that adults show themselves to be parents who establish rules, expectations, guidance, and good examples as responsible humans, citizens, parents, spouses, and all examples of morality.
Then, when children have lived some of life and experienced the good and bad of outcomes and meeting life's expectations, successes and failures, one can possibly become not only a mentor towards responsible adulthood, but also a friend to some degree.
I do believe it is depending on how parents bring up their kids.
As for us, we always believe in parenting discussion with our kids and if there is anything, we will all analyze together. Being a parent, we can be a close friend, best friend as well as parent to our kids.
It is through daily communication then we understand our kids better even though there is a huge age gap. Once you have established it, our kids always come to us for consultation whenever they encounter any sticky situation or their friends need help that they can't.
I believe parents are always there to teach kids what is right or wrong but being closer to kids as best friend will be much better in terms of communication.
Only successful communication then we will be able to understand how kids feel about things and it will be easier to help in situation when they need it.
Ironically, I have been pondering with this question prior to seeing it from you in black and white.
I came from a time where the children were never allowed in adult conversations. Children had their own table at dinner gatherings. Children were to be children by having no adult responsibility, not making adult decisions, but a kid being a kid. Could it be this way stifles in some way? I don't know...but I know this is the way I know. Our parents would say they are our parent, not our friend. Believe me though, they were as supportive and loving as a friend. I knew they were the parents, no doubt at all.
My brother, on the other hand, is a parent/friend with his children. I can not comprehend this and am having a very hard time understanding. It seems this way the children grow up too fast, but they are close. Whatever works, I suppose.
A close friend of mine does the friend/parent parenting. I was uncomfortable when her 20 year old daughter sat down during one of our conversations.....
This type of parenting is confusing for me although I am realllllly trying to understand. I suppose I am a creature of the values I know!
Yes parents are trying too hard to be friends with their kids instead of actual parents...
I came across this dilema often as a teacher when talking with parents. I think the distinction is parents who are supportive of their children and stick by them as a friend would, and then parents who act like their child's friends, assuming no parental responsibility. In the first case, it was healthy relationship where there were boundaries set up by the parent and there was a repsect for both the parents and the child. In the second case, it was pure chaos. The parent set no boundaries, wanting to be 'liked' by their child, but when the time came to teach a lesson of right and wrong, there was no way the child would listen. The parent would be shut down just like a friend who suddenly became 'uncool'.
Every parent wants to be 'liked' by his/her child, but let's face it: parenting isn't about being 'liked'. It's about raising your child(ren) to grow up to be responsible, caring, law-abiding adults because you love them. There were times when I didn't like my parents because they didn't let me do something, but because of their diligence in keeping boundaries and setting positive examples, I grew up to be just fine.
yes. while there is no manual that comes with kids, we should use some of the things we know about kids. parents who reason with their children and give them choices make a basic error. kids need direction becase they're new at life too. when given choices, they've got no life experience upon which to base their decisions. the old "because i said so!" could be used a bit more.
As a parent, grandparent and educator, I would say YES, parents are trying too hard to be friends with their kids instead of actual parents and our society is suffering because of it. Children want direction, they need direction and when they don't get it, they feel lost and alone, more likely to get into drugs and other evil things. We can love our children but still be parents. Friends come and go, parents stay through everything. Children need to know that they are loved no matter what. They need to have someone wiser helping them with the hard decisions. They need good friends and their parents would be their best friends if they act like real parents and not "fair-weather" friends.
you can be both .
but there are far to many laws now days to allow parents to parent thier kids . you either be thier friend or you break one or more laws to be thier parent it seems .
Some parents think it's better to be their friend versus their parent. I personally, have told my son "I'm here as your mother, not your friend. If I happen to become your friend later in life, good - but if not, it's my job to raise you to be a respectable and productive member of society." However, with that said, I found the best way to parent my child was to ask myself the following question - "What would have gotten through to me at his age?" I have always tried to use logic and common sense with my son. I've asked his opinion on everything...from what does he want for dinner to who he thinks would be a good president. We have had open conversations on every topic. I've treated him the way I wanted to be treated when I was a child.
Parents can indeed parent their children despite the laws that are in place today, and as the mother of 9 adult children, and grandmother of their children, 22 and counting, I disagree with the statement that says differently. The laws that are currently in place are designed to protect children from abuse period. Abuse, and parenting are not the same. The problem with today's parents is, lack of self discipline. How can one enact discipline, who has none. So the next best thing is to try to win the child's favor as a friend.
It was not easy raising my children or even disciplining them, but one thing I promised myself I'd do at the time was to remain consistent. I never threatened to do anything that I couldn't carry out. If I said they were grounded from TV, then they were, and if they tried to sneak behind my back, I'd add more time, I didn't flinch at the whining and crying, and most all I didn't concern myself with other people's opinions.
I have a 3 1/2 year old and 2 year old, the 3 1/2 year old asks me, " Are you my friend mommy?" whenever she gets in trouble. My response to her is, "Yes, I am your friend, but I am your mommy first."
My own mother is one of my best friends, but it didn't happen until I was out of college and could appreciate the lessons she tought me. She wasn't a harsh disciplinarian by any means, but she taught me about respect for others and respect for myself, to be hard working, and dedicate myself to get what I want in life.
As a parent, it is our responsibility to teach our children right from wrong, respect for themselves and others, to work hard, etc... Friendship will develop as we do those things. You can teach and parent your child, and not be a drill sergeant. You teach through many different forms that include discipline, but are not limited to that, love, support, and nurturing go along way.
Parents should have a line. It's not bad to be friends with your kids, but let's be honest, a lot of the kids now take advantage of that! Parents should know when the right time is to be friends and to be strict and in control.
i think this is a growing problem. its important to have a relationship with your children that is open and honest but the word friend should never be used because it creates different psychological reactions from children. there have to be boundaries and guidelines set and children must realize there is a line that should never be crossed. i think alot of parents are afraid of being shut out by their children so they pull the were friends card as a way to get info out of their children and this creates an issue with respecting authority i believe because they start to view adults as their equal.
Yes, I do think this. As media, entertainment, and society in general teach bad morals, parents feel like they should 'stay hip' and reinforce these negative influences. Parents also feel that this is friendly, with all of the things that are considered cool in society today, so they want to appear more as a friend instead of actual parents before their children today.
-With moral value, Pikachusif
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