Doesn't all the blame begin .......and end at home ?
We like to throw daggers in our new American culture ,daggers of the blame game , We blame guns , we blame the media , we blame congress and we blame the president ! Pick an issue any issue and look to all the discussions toward solutions, and you will see--- they almost always end mired down in the stages of blame . Don't all the answers lie at home . The way we raise our kids , in the gifting of entitlements and lack of personal accountability in our personal behaviors?
I have to disagree with you. My oldest son was raised in a turbulent home and he has turned out to be a very loving, protective, responsible son. My youngest was raised knowing God. I taught him good morals, responsibility and standards, respect and selflishness and he has given me more hell in the past 13 years than I care to think about. So what it comes down to is choice on an individual bases. We all know right from wrong but some choose to do wrong. And when mental illness rears its evil head all the right and wrong goes out the window. We will all be held accountable for the choices we make, we won't be able to say well it's his or her fault, we only will see that the fault lies in us.
While i agree Singlemom , wee still seem to be raising kids who grow more and more selfish in nature , I mean if we look around , traffic ,public behavior , the blame games , our very culture seems to be in a high gear race towards narcisism!
Interesting question and I have to think it did. In just a few days, I will have been on planet earth for 3/4 of a century, and I have seen many changes.
I believe much has to do with the financial condition of the country during a individuals childhood. Times were tough when I was born, and their was no such thing as extra money in my parents house. My father worked two jobs and my mother worked one job just to keep food on the table, pay the rent, buy fuel for heating, and other essentials.
As children gifts were few and far between. If we wanted something, we were taught to work, save our money, and then see if we still wanted that thing so badly when it came from our own sweat. More often than not, we found that after working that hard to get something, we appreciated it more than if someone had given it to us.
Credit Cards had not yet been invented so it required working a saving for everything.
Times were better when I raised my own children, so I was more giving than my parents had been, but I still taught them the values of working and saving for extra things they wanted. They have all been successful in their adult lives.
Then I see my grandchildren who were pretty much given everything they wanted with no effort at all on their parts. Their attitude toward jobs and working is vastly different than mine or their own parents. They feel that credit cards are great tools for living large and worrying about paying the bills later.
Perhaps it will take a financial crisis to get us back on track for teaching our children the value of hard work and the rewards and personal satisfaction that can come from that.
Poolman , theres a -"Nail right on the head !" I even saw this happening back in the sixties ! Over-indulging baby boomer parents give, give, giving , That old "I want my kids to have what I never did " attitude!
Life has become more about owning 'things' than anything else. The more things one owns the higher their status in today world. This is just wrong in my opinion.
I'm going to agree with you but probably not in the way you'd like. I agree most of it comes back to the parents. That doesn't go to say that someone who grows up in crap will become crap, but they would probably be more likely.
With that said I think part of it comes down to how we teach our children. When a couple has a baby they are told by their family to hurry up and "train" the baby. Train it to sleep through the night, let it cry even if it's only been in this world a few months, so that it will learn. Then the child gets a little older and does something wrong. Parents are encouraged to hit their child to teach them right from wrong. In the mix of all of this how are we teaching our children love and peace? Is hitting a child really teaching them to do good, or is it just making them fearful of their parent? Is ignoring the cries of a child a good way to "teach" them? I mean what happen to parents who actually treat their children with respect and love. It seems we would get a much more peaceful world if we would rase our children to respect others and show love to the world.
ahorseback.....To a great degree, we become the caliber of individual who mirrors our upbringing, the result of responsible parenting, family dynamics and education.
However, I cannot totally agree with the concept that it ALL begins & ends at home. IMO, that is using a much wider brush stroke than is fair and/or realistic. Via the experiences and observations, in my lifetime, I can safely say I have seen any number of various situations & outcomes.
I personally know numerous individuals who literally defied all odds against them, to become solidly moral, responsible adults, who made their life admirable. The opposite scenario exists, as well.
The point that you make in terms of the "blame game," I can agree with easily. It most definitely DOES matter, how we are taught/groomed, to accept responsibility for our actions, attitude, mistakes and behavior. The alert and concerned parent will make this particular issue a priority in their style of discipline. It is far from simple, but therein lies the key to an actively involved parent and healthy family dynamics.
IMO, it is vital to a child's basic constitution, to feel a profound impact in personal accountability, which effects every aspect of one's life....throughout a lifetime.
Well for me it does begin,but hasn't ended yet ( Thank God) with family. Our daughter has Aspurger's Syndrome. She was diagnosed at the age of 3. We started therapy then. We did everything, every kind of therapy available.
She used to have trouble talking, she was not able to look anyone in the eye. When she was very young, she would sit and spin for hours on end.
Now she 17. She is still in a school for people who have Autism/Aspuger's Syndrome but does not stop talking. She has friends in girl scouts.
She is planning to go to college.
She is amazing when it comes to computers, She is still shy when it comes to socializing, with boys.
But, for now we are amazed and thank God for her.
Not all of it. But most of it yes. During your childhood, do you remember certain people in your life? They might have done something small, but you remember them entirely. A teacher at school? A mentor? A friend? Everyone everywhere influences us. But home influences us more. Still doesn't mean all the blame is within the home.
We see instances of children who grow up in terrible situations and raise above it. We also see children who have everything they ever wanted and they make terrible choices creating a terrible situation in their life.
I believe that the determining factor is taking responsibility for our own individual actions. This may be learned later in life but hopefully is taught in the home. How it taught is not important. It might be through instilling an work ethic, teaching honesty, respect for others or all of those and more.
So I believe it is a combination of how kids are taught and personal accountability in our personal behaviors. Added to the equation is the moving away from the importance of family and community and moving toward individuals desires being more important then community.
I grew up pretty darned poor , alcoholism , hunger , stigma of poverty , the kids on the other side of the tracks , yet my Mother always pushed for personal accountability , and at times we failed too ! But decency , manners , and being held to consciencious standards mattered then and it matters now . But my feeling is , if its not learned and practiced at home .........well it just aint going to be there at all !
I totally agree the blame begins and ends at home. The current problem is that it appears billions of Americans don't or they simply do what is easiest at risk of not raising a person that is responsible and accountable. A large amount of what we see is the product of the parents' job, whether generally good, generally bad, or ugly. I won't say 100% but it definitely appears to be in the 90% + range. Some people are brought up in horrific environments and are able to compartmentalize that experience to be able to improve and move forward. Others just carry and re-create those problems for themselves and others later.
Not always, but most likely the blame may start at home. I feel that parents have a lot of hangups or hidden issues from their own upbringing. This leads to the mixed messages or the enforcement of rules handed down to their children. Parents really try hard to raise their children the right way.
They try to make sure that they do not follow in their parents foot steps if it was an unfavorable relationship. In doing so they cannot always mask their real feelings and it is displayed during the raring of their children.
A child can sense certain feelings from parents which may cause them to behave
adversely. A child can tell if you favor one over the other. The worst thing a parent can say to a child is "why can't you be like your brother or sister?"
Some children don't respect their parents so, this behavior is demonstrated to the outside world also. Each child is an individual with different needs and should
be raised as such. You cannot put all the blame at home with all the outside distractions surrounding us. Such as TV, movies, media and the like.
We need more parenting skills to get us back on track and to save our children and prepare them to be responsible adults.
A Child with a mental challenge should not be hidden at home. It is the Parents responsibility to protect that child with medical supervision and in doing so protect society.
Thanks to the ACLU, parents with mentally disturbed and dangerous children have nowhere to turn. They are stuck with this child in their home even if they fear for their own lives, or the lives of their other children. This is a provable fact.
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