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The relationship between my daughter and son is good sometimes but usually "poke and whin." Help!
My son is 7 and my daughter is 3 and we have read "Siblings Without Rivalry" and put this into practice, but they still have slipt into the "poke and whin" behaviours every second of the day, (a few mintues of reprieve but not much) this is ruining my wifes mental status and our marriage, we need help?
It is normal for kids to behave that way brothers and sisters do feel jealous of each other but parents got to show their children they each child equally and when it comes to poke and whine control the situation and that age it sounds small. Talk to both kids and about heir behaviors and see how it goes.
Discipline and consistency. Poking and touching one another are not allowed or acceptable period or there are consequences. Reinforce that they have a choice. "You can choose to keep picking on your sister and get a time out, or you can choose to behave and get whatever as a reward".
Just getting frustrated with them doesn't solve the problem, be calm but firm and consistent in your discipline. Both kids receive the same type of correction when they engage in the behavior. Losing privledges, time outs, are both good and work with my boys.
We have been pretty consistent and have been currently using the time out method for both children equally, no blame thrown either direction. Sometimes it feels futile, but I am started to think that things will work in the long run with patience.
A lot of parents think that if they're really firm with their kids, the kids won't love them. Not true. And even if it were--our job as parents is to inculcate strong, decent, positive values in these grossly selfish little critters. Tey are motivated by self-interest, make no mistake. So make it worth their while to behave. One of my daughters had an iron-clad rule--people are not for hitting. Period. And she ad a "time-out" room--small, a cot, a cair, a little table, a water jug, a blank pad, and a pencil. Wen warranted, te kid got 10 minutes, maybe 15 in te time out room. Se never wavered. you hit, or hurt, or abuse, or scream--into te time out room.. It worked, because she never got angry or even let the kids see se was upset. Time in the time out room was NOT in their interest, and as time went on and they learned the specific behaviors tat got tem tere, tose behaviour became less and less. All er kids became very successful adults.......and they adore their Mom.
The son is wanting more attention, and the daughter has to have attention and nourishment from the parents. Daughter cant do for herself, but yet the son resents the care that is being applied after 4 years, he was the baby and had all attention applied to his needs. Separate during quiet times and visit son with friends or time with Daddy until baby girl is strong enough to do some things on her own, baths, eating, putting down for bed, dressing herself. Do not split the children, but the time spent with them individually is very important.
I'm a clinical counselor and get this stuff all the time. I have written about it; look up 'krillco' and the article 'How to Stop Being a Referee With Your Kids.'
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