There are many disciplining styles and tactics that are available to parents. But what is the line that separates acceptable and detestable?
I think sometimes children do things that warrant a time-out, and sometimes they do things that warrant a spanking. I do NOT believe that spanking is a form of abuse. Spanking and beating are not the same thing. Abuse is wrong. But being a Christian, I go by what the Bible says. Spare the rod, spoil the child. Not that I would actually use a rod on my child, no, to me, that is cutting it pretty close.
I got lots of spanking when I was a kid and it was not pleasant. I guess, if we do spank kids we have to explain why. Otherwise they won't understand why some behaviors are not accepted. But ultimately, when is it too much? What's the line between abuse and discipline?
Beating a child senseless, expecting him/her to act like a adult would be considered detestable. I gave time out and writing lines as punishment they did not enjoy it knowing if they did it again, they would get double the writing lines
How long is your time out for your kids? My wife implements them at schools but would that work at home? Do educate me.
Just to clarify, we're still waiting for our first child in a few weeks and i'm trying to learn as much as I can before that time.
I only gave them about 10 mins time out and a apology. They would tell me - why mom gave them time out. Just to ensure they understood - same with the writing lines. Have them repeat to you helps reinforce remembering - sort of I think the writing lines was the best tho Aww...congratulations on your upcoming baby
What's weird is that my undergraduate in college is in Family life and child development. Yet, I seem to be having some fits of nervousness when it comes to my own children. I guess theories can only do so much in real life. thanks for the info.
I'm sure you have some +++'s going for you since you understand that each child develops at their own pace. I think respect works both ways and may be the defining line. Congrats on your new addition!
Let em run amock till there about 7 then they will have got a lot of stuff out of their system.
Seriously, love and patience is the only way with little ones.
I've found that a shock collar works best. It doesn't leave any marks or permanent injuries, and it gets their attention quickly! Wait...are we talking about kids or husbands??
Shock collars are for husbands - especially for the hard-to-train ones. I don't have to discipline kids because I'm the Nana!! I just give 'em what they want!
I have never had to revert to using spanking, hitting my children. Most of the time talking to them and listening to what bothers them was enough. I built a bond of trust over time with them and they know that if I say "NO" there is a good reason for that and they listen. In matters of lesser importance I let them have their choice so I never truly need to physically threaten them. Not my style.
My theory is that people who need to discipline their kids, are people who think kids are so stupid, they have to obey rules only, because kids are too dumb to understand explanation.
We adopted a family after waiting 13 years for a family. We felt extremely blessed when three children were brought to our door by out state. They were free to be adopted if after our waiting period, we qualified and all of us wanted to be a family. The girl was 10 or 11, ( the state never got her age correct!), one boy was a whole five and the other boy was turning 7 years old in two and one-half months. The five year old tried to jump down a flight of stairs ( 13 steps ) as we were putting them to bed. The state never gave us the promised visits; they were thrust upon us after meeting these kids one time. The girl locked me out of my own home as I was saying good-bye to their social worker at 4 PM. that first Friday afternoon. The next day she kicked the eleven year old poodle so hard I thought she split his spleen. I am attempting to write a book about this entire experience. But, back to discipline - the five year old needed corporal punishment at specific times; the seven year old would cry or get watery eyes when we spoke loudly correcting his behavior. We got the state to take back the sister , yes she was placed alone and that situation was what she always wanted. But, it hurt her brothers. Our psychologist backed us and we threatened to sue our state if they did not cooperate. ( Because they really wanted to keep these kids together - it was cheaper.) All are law abiding citizens but the road was very rocky. I am a former teacher of the handicapped. I was always a no-nonsense teacher. My students to this day walk up to me in malls and stores to say hello , "Do you remember me?" I firmly believe in some form of discipline . It must meet the crime and "No" must mean "No" because all children need boundaries. According to a wonderful professor back in my day, " We are the adults or big people , and they are the children. Most of the heavy lifting falls on our shoulders during their childhood. Because childhood is not a race but a journey and an adventure to adulthood". I loved that lady.
Use love a lot, discipline in a gentle way. Think of it how you would want to be treated by your father or mother. Besides, if you are expecting your first baby, you will have plenty of time to figure it all out, there is no discipline until you have a toddler, in my opinion. Baby has basic needs, toddler, on another hand, wants and desires things. You will not go wrong tending to your baby's needs, answer them, if she is hungry feed her, scared or lonely - hold her and rock her. Needing parent's arms is a REAL need in babies, you won't spoil them that way. Toddlers want to do things and have things or have their way. You will learn as you go. Good luck!
The most important thing to remember is to teach the child right from wrong in a decent firm but loving way. This does not mean refrain from a good old fashion spanking depending on their age and the offence if necessary.
PS: Spanking and hitting are two different things. A spanking is discipline, hitting is child abuse.
I didn't hit my kids, or my grandchildren, that is just bad parenting. Hitting or smacking is abuse.
My Dad hit me when I was little, I waited till he was asleep then hit him over the head with a large caste iron pot.
Violence begets violence.
Smacking is done instead of parenting.
I don't see spanking as discipline, the very word means to instruct by teaching. what is the instruction? Spanking is punishment, there is a difference, discipline doesn't mean to inflict pain.
I am trained in the management of child behavour yet I too was terrified when my first child came along. I have learned that discipline in the classroom and discipline at home are two very different things. For one thing your children are with you 24/7 Good days and bad. Sick days or not! I've also learned that what works with one child may not necessarily work with the next. Time out never worked with my oldest daughter until she reached the age of about 4 and a half. She needed to be counted down and helped to calm down by giving her space in her room. My second child is immediately sorry for anything she does! She would be devastated by being put into her room. This does not mean that they are treated differently. They both receive consequences for their actions and rewards and praise for good behaviour.
My undergrad is in Family Life and Child Development but when I think about being a dad, all theories seem to be inadequate. I still have a couple of weeks until the baby comes out and a few more years before I need to employ behavior modification tactics. There is mix of excitement and a little fear. I guess that's good for first time dads.
"I need to employ behavior modification tactics" Hope that's a joke. If your child needs modification it would be because you need it first.
Of course it is. Do tell me more about why I need modification first when my child needs it. What are your ideas about it especially in terms of discipline?
Behavior modification is another word for 'teaching'--just doing it in a very orderly and consistent manner.
As a child, my father believed in the saying, "Spare the rod and spoil the child..."
I was spanked when I did things which probably deserved more than that. It was not the spanking that hurted most. It was the feeling that you had disappointed your parents. I now understand that it was hard for my father to spank me when half of him wanted to hit me hard while the other half was pulling back. I crashed the car which I drove without his permission and without a license when I was 12 or 13. He spoke to me and I did not receive any punishment despite the fact that he had to spend a substantial amount of cash for the repair. On the other hand, I was punished until I told the truth when he knew i was lying. Guess times are different now... streets were safer then and people cared more. You may disagree but this is my opinion...
This is a tricky subject for every parent, What one family decides as acceptable punishment for them another family may detest. Families need to disapline children in a way that is right for them. Disapline needs to be consistent, I believe that if children know the consequences of their actions, they are more likely to sorry for what they have done, but if your disapline changes, I find that children will rebel.
I find that my children are creatures of habit, they need their routines to stay fairly stable or otherwise I have 3 very hard to get on with little people, I also tend to find they will act up if they are bored.
I guess what I am trying to say that if you can find the triggers of naughty or trying behaviour, you generally shouldn't need to disapline.
All being said I believe that it is important for children to know right from wrong, so our family has a list of "family rules" up on our fridge, the rules were decided in one of our weekly family meetings (the time that we put aside each week out of our busy lives to just sit down and talk about how we feel, and about how things have worked in the past week) If one of these rules are broken, the children know that they will either be put into time out (1 minute for each year of their age - so my 8 year old goes to time out for 8 minutes, my 7 year old goes to time out for 7 minutes) or they will have to go clean their room.
We did not start to place our children into time out until they were 1.
And as I said before, you may read this and think what a tough set of parents, and that is because as I said before each family does what works for them. I find with the rules and consequenses firmly in place we hardly disapline our children at all perhaps twice a month.
A little bit toughness is required for a good and well disciplined childhood development.But sometimes they also need some break and some space to to do whatever they want to.Well behavior is the must.
Spoil em senseless with your time till they're 7 then you can turn them lose.
You will find you have well adjusted kids just by listening to them.
Don't damage them with harsh parenting and you won't pay for it later in life.
On the one hand, it is bad for parents to be very kind with kids. One the other hand, it is bad to be too strict. I think that a golden mean should be found between kindness and strictness in parenting.
My grandfather had a strap , it hung on the wall like a picture.
Many times my cousins, my brother and i were taken to stand in front of it while grandfather asked you boys want the strap? His face stern and angry. then you settle down and go outside and play. before it comes off the wall.
Not once tho did he ever have to use it.
Good or bad ? Hard to say. . But i know this i look back on those days fondly .
I've never found a good enough reason to spank my kids. I'm not a strict parent and my kids have always had plenty of freedom, even to make mistakes. I've tried the best way I know to give them a good foundation, teach them right from wrong, and that their actions, whether good or bad, have consequences. The rest is up to them. I don't think yelling or hitting works. It didn't work for me when I was a kid. I just learned to tune it out. To me the difference between discipline and abuse is that discipline teaches the child something. Abuse is just the infliction of pain which does nothing but leave some kind of physical or emotional damage or trauma to the child.
It ain't easy to bring up and nurture a child in an all upright way but there should be certain measure we shouldn't use like swear words on the child, indecent abuses and child discrimination. It's okay to spank the child for something done wrong by him or her. It takes understanding and wisdom to train up a child. That's why we should ask God for guidance that we shouldn't train her children in a negative that they become menace to you and the society in general. Train up the child the way you want to grow and when he is.... The rest is history.
There are so many rude unruly children around now as a lot of parents are too scared to discipline their children when they are young . As they get older if brought up well they appreciate being taught how to behave ,
Some children are not taught any manners or social skills at home & it is left up to a shool teacher.
Smacking a child /( not hitting till bruised) when needed can save their lives --( if they are about to run out onto on a road or chcking a tantrum in a shop action is needed then & there not when they get home ) and it didn't do us any harm.
I believe that the key thing to remember is what your goal would be with the discipline.
I believe there is a time for spanking, time out and all the other wonderful consequences we come up with. However, we just need to remember that the child must learn something from this experience.
Discipline is normally a consequence of a choice. Talk to the child and work through othere choices that could have been made. This will allow the child to learn from this process.
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