To those who were raised by overly rigid, authoritarian parents, did you disassociate from your
parents as a result of the way you were raised?
Yes, I moved 2000 miles away to live on the west coast and I didn't go back to visit for 8 years. However my mother did come out for a visit prior to that.
I believe the physical separation was the best thing that could have ever happened. It forced her to accept me as being an independent "adult" which eventually led to respect. Overtime we became friends and I'd take her places whenever she came out to California.
Unfortunately she had a severe stroke and never recovered. She passed on in 2011. My brothers never fully made peace with her and did not fly out attend the funeral. They also did not attend my father's funeral which took place two months later. The irony is my parents got divorced when I was 7 years old and they end up dying for different reasons 2 months apart. Although I was never close with my father we also made peace two years before he passed. Such is life.
No I didn't, something inside me stopped me from doing this. But I do feel that in some ways my life would have been better if I had.
gm...I appreciate this question because it has caused me a light bulb moment that I may have not ever thought to consider.
It's fair to say that both my sister and I recognized that our mother was quite "rigid" with her child-rearing authority. This was naturally something we may have disliked as youngsters and caused some form of rebellion now & then.
However, somehow we instinctively knew she was a "benevolent dictator," who genuinely believed her strictness was necessary to our ultimate benefit. Speaking solely for myself, I would say she was accurate to think this and I am grateful to her. We also had the support and guidance of our Dad, who, although very different in parenting style, reconfirmed our Mother's rules while teaching us to recognize her motives and fully understand the line between disciplining with love and unfair treatment.
"Disassociation," from mother, father or sibling, quite simply would have never been an option nor even entered our consciousness. No interaction within our family/upbringing could have ever been so unbearable as to consider such a split. We maintained a loving bond with one another until today, where I am the lone remaining member of my birth family.....and as such, my main comfort is that unconditional love we had for one another.
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