Does having a child suddenly make a person judgemental of the way others parent?
Since having a child, I've noticed that anything you do with/for your child has someone rallying against it - pacifiers, formula or breastmilk, natural or c section. Is it just me or does this suddenly happen when people have kids - they feel the need to judge others on the way they parent? (I acknowledge I'm judging people for judging others at the same time) just curious
Firstly, I don't have children but know many who do.
I think judgment is a natural human behaviour. We all measure ourselves against others often to find a natural benchmark. If the majority of mothers choose to breastfeed their child up to a certain age for example, it's seen as an accepted period and 'normal'. To do something such as breastfeed for a longer period of time than is the standard is often view as a negative - judgment.
The key thing to take on board is use the knowledge that is out there as a guide, not as a 'must do' because there is always another way/school of thought that may be better for an individual.
Choice should be at the forefront... unless something is medically advised as being the safest route ie. c section.
Ultimately, we all judge people daily (consciously or subconciously) and whether or not that person has a child or not, that level of judgment likely continues in everything we do.
Don't let it worry you too much if people are judging you, as a new parent there is lots to learn and acceptance/advice is always more helpful than judgment.
It didn't me. When my children were little all I was interested in was doing what I thought, believed and/or knew what was right for them. As someone who recognizes that people are all different, situations are different, spacing between kids is different (etc.); I didn't have the time or interest to spin my wheels over what someone else did with their child/children.
I really think the real problem with people judging other parents ir more about the fact that once people have children there is more opportunity for those inclined to competing with others, toward either insecurity or else "too much security" to have any number of things to judge or compete over.
I really think people are the type that spin their wheels over what other people do (or have) or not...
What a wonderful question, Jacqui. You do put forth thought provoking questions. (A sign of a deep thinking!)
First, let me say that when one holds their baby or child in their arms they suddenly find themselves in an exclusive club known as parenthood. We read all the information we can find pertaining to having a new one in our home. As each milestone is reach, we pat ourselves on the back, and thank our lucky starts that somehow we managed to keep a small human alive for weeks, then months, then years. We share information that we learn and we swap stories for the best this or that which we find to be useful.
I would love to tell you that this behavior eventually settles down, but it does not. You will be anxious to meet others who have a child around the age of your child so you can compare, brag a bit, learn something new and pass on a bit of first hand knowledge. It may pertain to the best dance studio and its located, or the best pitching cages for little league. In any case, you will
want to give your child the best opportunities that life can offer. You will find yourself giving encouragement, being used as a taxi service and taking more photographs than is necessary to record one's lifetime on this earth.
Then, one evening, they will ask for the car keys and your life will never be the same. Where did the time go? It will seem like only yesterday that they were learning to walk.
At some point, they may ask why you keep the photo on your desk of them when they were taking their first steps, and you can tell them it was your very favorite memory of your entire life. There is no way that they can understand....Not until they gain membership in the grandest club on earth;
Good luck with your new one.
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