Parents, be honest, do you have a favorite child? And how do you cope with it?
Do I have a favorite as a whole? No, but I will readily admit to each of my sons having favorite characteristics of mine. For example, of the two, my youngest is my favorite for listening and following directions better. My oldest is my favorite for having deep, meaningful philosophical discussions with because his mind amazes me. My little one is my favorite artist, my oldest is my favorite comedian. Each child has things that you will favor, that they may excel at over other children. I think to choose one as an overall favorite isn't in me - I love them both to the ends of the Earth and would sacrifice anything to protect them, but I admit that each is favored in different ways - hopefully that makes sense
I think you cope by focusing on each child's strengths, the things you admire in them that you want to see them grow. Challenging children can be just that, so don't guilt yourself if you feel a bit of favoritism to a child who is better behaved etc. Be conscious of it, and then work to focus on bringing out the positives in all of them.
The reason I asked was because I have a friend who has two kids, by two different fathers, one is Gifted and the other is special needs and she is always talking about how she didn't have to put up with the drama that she gets from that one vs gifted
maybe she's just venting? It can be trying to deal with a special needs child. If she's truly favoring one over the other - like neglecting the child - then yes, it's a problem but if she's just blowing off steam - it's natural.
Well Christin, this is not the first time and I'm sure won't be the last we have extremely similar responses in the Q&A. I had already begun my reply mentally after reading the question. Then I read your answer and said, "That Christin again, reading my mind!" LOL
Overall, I have an overwhelmingly deep & unconditional love for all 4 of my sons. All married and Dads now, I share that same devotion with their precious children and their wives.
However, like you, I have a different relationship with each son. "Favorite," never enters the equation, but I do instinctively know which son plays which part in my own life at any given moment.
My eldest is my "rock." Always even-natured, sensible & a master at serious discussions. When I have a dilemma of most kinds, my first call is to him. He never fails to give great advice and calm my concerns.
2nd eldest is my talented worker bee, always there with a wrench and hammer to fix what needs fixing. He also does a fine job of keeping me on my toes about "maintenance"......so "things stop breaking down." LOL
The labor and LECTURES are free!
3rd son down.....Very laid back and ULTRA-talented at so much. He has a softer side and is not much of a "talker." I am in awe of his love and focus on his family......such a sweet, considerate husband and stellar Dad. I'm also proud of his U.S.M.C. service to our Country.
Last but certainly not least....my "youngest" He and I spend the most time together, based mostly due to location. We live less than 5 minutes apart. I've always said that I'll never be one of these old ladies that falls & breaks her leg & isn't discovered for days! My son must be in & out of my house 3 & 4 times a day!! We do a lot of things together and as a result know each other really well.....good & bad. He's my ear when I just feel like venting.
They are all loving, considerate and best of all, have a great sense of humor. They can all make me laugh till I cry!
So Marc....No favorite child. That concept alone, is for me, impossible. I adore them all equally and in all fairness, they can each annoy me at times in their own unique ways!!.......Ask any Mother! ...Peace, Paula
Well you know what they say about great minds Paula Your sons all sound like great men, kudos to a great mom.
Yes, and if people forget, we'll remind them!.....To another great Mom!
Both of you ladies seem truly amazing...and I recognize amazing when I see it as I have a amazing Mom as well......In her 70's and still going strong...
OK, I'll say it before Christin this time. Yes, we are amazing! LOL We're not surprised your Mom is too!
Ms. Lee, 69, was President of Golden L.E.A.F., Inc. from 2000 to 2008 and has served as Chief Executive Officer of Applied Behavioral Concepts for Families, LLC (counseling, coaching and community-based mental health services) since 2009. During her career, Ms. Lee has been involved in all stages of business development, from the well-established Z. Smith Reynolds Foundation, where she served as program officer, to the start-up Golden L.E.A.F. (Long-term Economic Advance Foundation), which under her leadership grew to more than $750 million in assets and awarded more than $351 million in grants to nonprofit organizations and public agencies. Ms. Lee brings to BB&T a thorough knowledge of economic development, education and entrepreneurship coupled with a small business perspective that is important to BB&T's future. She is a former member of the University of North Carolina Board of Governors, the North Carolina Central University Board of Trustees, the North Carolina Partnership for Children Board of Directors, and the UNC-TV Board of Trustees. In 2009, Ms. Lee was inducted into the North Carolina Women's Hall of Fame. Other Directorships: Director since 1987 and Chair since 2009 of the North Carolina Rural Economic Development Center; Director of the North Carolina Foundation for Advanced Health Programs, Inc. since 2009; Director of the Carolinas Gateway Partnership since 2009; Director of the Public School Forum of North Carolina since 2009.
Source: BB&T Corporation on 03/12/2012 And that is a little bit on mom. she also ran for Secretary Of State and started a radio station when she was in her thirties....
What did your Mom do in her spare time? I need to rest just from reading this!
She manages to hang out with my nephews, family and friends now. She even travels some. She is enjoying retirement...
Yes, there are beautiful, enlightened parents such as Paula & ChristinS who treasure the individual characteristics & psychologies of their children. Such parents are wonderful but they are rare unfortunately. The average parent have a favorite child although h/she is extremely loathe to acknowledge it. Even though parents refuse to admit that they have favorites, THEIR children.....KNOW who is the parental favorite or favorites.
In the average multichild family, there are favorites. A child or children are bound to be parental favorites. Parents are human & being human are going to find one child or children that they like more than others. They may even favor the child because of a similarity of characteristics, attributes, & even psychological make up. There are so many reasons why a child or children are deemed to be parental favorites. A child may even have a special talent which sets him/her apart from the other children in the family. A favorite child can be any child that the parent deem to be highly likeable, even personable. The favorite child or children in the family are children whom the parents deem to be easy, manageable, & even agreeable.
Favorite children in the family are also those who conform to the particular parental paradigm. Children who are easy hence conforming, manageable, & obedient are more likely to be parental favorites over children who exhibit a more rebellious & nonconforming nature. Average parents want to exercise power & an exercise of that power is to have children who are as manageable as possible. By having manageable children, parents feel that they have power over their children. Also manageable children aren't deem threatening to the parental/familial paradigm.
Parents as human have their particular preferences & prejudices. Children who have the same ideology & outlook as their parents are bound to be favored over children who have different, even opposing ideologies, beliefs & outlooks. Parents, as other human beings, simply have people who they simply like more than others & such preferences can extend to their OWN children.
In a biography, a famous celebrity who was a disfavored child herself admitted to favoring her middle child because he reminded her of herself as a child & possessed the same characteristics over her two other children who had diametric characteristics. Yes, it is quite natural for parents to favor one child or children over their other children.
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