I just started seeing a guy a couple of months ago that I've known for 10 years.
Here's the plus side:
- He tells me he loves me and I believe him although, I'm always the one that says it first : (
- He's usually very reliable when we do make plans.
- He's pretty good at returning emails
- He tells me that he loves me (although it's me that has to instigate) but I do believe him
- We have a lot in common and he's very interesting and we really do have a really good time together when we do see each other.
- He says he's in it for the long-haul and that he has never had cheated on his lovers
- He's always home when he says he's going to be home and always returns my calls.
- Things were really good just not lately
These are the negatives:
- I'm the one that always makes the first move in almost every aspect
- he's really ashamed of his place right now, because he lost everything in his last relationship, so I don't get been invited over
- In his last relationship which was open, he had 3-somes with his partner. He says that's in his past. I hope so.
- when we had a disagreement 2 weeks ago, he walked out on me. In facebook next day he listed himself as "in a complicated relationship", which he changed the following day when he took his relationship status off completely. He told me it was to get my attention. Now he's listed as "looking for friendship" which I'm ok with, but it feels weird.
- lately he's been distant - although he says he loves me and maintains its because of his medical condition (which he has) and his company was in the middle of moving offices.
I realize that it's only 2 months, but because I've known him for so long, even though casually, I feel like I've know him forever. Question is: Is this working on? Do you think this is just a rough patch and I should see it through a little further or do you think I'm setting myself up for emotional fall-out. Is it selfish of me to ask that we commit to spending weekends together? Do you think things can change or is he delaying inevitable mediocrity?
Any comments, advice, negative or positive would be really appreciated!
I dumped him on the weekend. He didn't show up on time. His excuse was "I work, get used to it". He's a drama queen and I wrote this poem about him.
MSN Facebook Drama Queen
Websites are your only friends
Chatlines help you make amends
while strangers see your perfect smile
from profile images you compile
Every millisecond of every hour
your inbox is your only power
when it empties online off you go
in search of others to devour
Things are perfect when you control
a person using digital
the most passive and most perfect rape
to make you whole, to make you great
At any cost
At any means
MSN facebook drama queen
Email texting narcissist
you run like a child
when things aren't best
your online friends are just a lie
they don't care if you live or die
emoticons, a smiley face
xo means in that special place
silence means that you're afraid
to meet and talk away the pain
At any cost
At any means
MSN facebook drama queen
It sounds like it might be his personality to be reserved, or it might be because of his last relationship that he's lost all confidence.
Obviously only you can make the decision of whether or not to work on it, but you should let him know what's bothering you. But also let him know what you LOVE about him, like that he's reliable and loving! Ask him if he feels comfortable taking initiative more often.
I'd say give it a bit of time if you really love him.
Yes? It seems like they could all be explained away and aren't necessarily automatic dump-him things... Maybe I'm missing something? I also almost always believe the best of people, so it might not be great to listen to me, haha.
Being a guy has something to do with it for me. Also, I won't judge the 3-way thing. However, habits are hard to change, and if the 3-way isn't her cup of tea.... well... he's likely to get the itch and then want to scratch it.
Women are great at excusing behavior.
If the men here say No, then listen.
Men know men best.
And I have to say from being a tomboy and hanging out with guys so much I have to add a No too.
Sorry
If a man truly loves you he takes the lead. It's in their nature. Even if they're super, super shy if they want you they will say something.
Wait for the man who will call you just to talk. He's the guy who's really in it for long haul. Good luck.
I feel a lot better. I really appreciate the support from you all. I've never been on a message board before and you all really helped me in a time of need and confusion - and you don't even know me. Thank you. I'm a gay male actually (Tibby is the name of one of my cats). I hope I did not mislead anyone and I apologize if that's the case. I will say though that I find it ironic that problems in relationships can be parallel even given different sexual orientation. The weird thing about this guy is that he is really scared about what I'm going to say about him. We have mutual friends, and if they ask me what happened, he wants us both to say that it just didn't work out and that the other is "still a nice guy", I guess to save face. I'm still really angry about how he treated me and the situation and don't think I can hold back. Even in his rebuttal email to me yesterday he said things like, it's always about you...your needs...you are selfish...don't play the victim here...and then changed events to his suit his position. All I wanted was to spend some time with the person I loved and I feel that he used that as control. I feel that he was selfish and disrespectul to me. I'm not going to make anything up, but I need to express myself. He expects me to hold everything in and keep the whole thing like hush hush. I don't consider myself vindictive but...I'm also thinking that if you want to treat people like crap, don't think that I'm going to keep this a secret...am I wrong?
If people ask. Speak the truth. You can do that without malice because it's the truth. If he believes people will think bad of him because of the way he treated you, then what does that say about how he treated you
Glad to hear you're feeling better. Kinda funny I assumed you were a woman. I don't usually make assumptions. Lol.
Nice to see we were helpful to you. And happy to see you were strong enough and loved yourself enough to move on. Too many good men in the world to waste time on a dud!
Well, this is not really a message board, but you are welcome.
The name threw me too. I don't know many men called Tibby, so I just assumed also. The advice stands though.
No way...
I like being treated as a Princessa and so should every women. If he walked out on you, too bad. Someone who does not appreciate you, does not deserve you!
Just returniing emails and phoning when he sais he will is not enough to hold a relationship. Come on, you do not even get invited over to his place! When we love, we love THE person an expect the same in return. I think that if you were not invited it was not for shame but because after a long relationship he wants to keep his privacy. That is also why he is not prepare to 'jump' and tell you he loves you -without prompting.
For get about him, or just keep him as a friend. There are plenty of nice, loving men around.
Good luck
So much to learn. Maybe you're right, I should change my alias to reflect correct gender...I'm thinking maybe Lance or Brock, what do you think ?
Yes, I suppose I could also use Chris. Will do, thanks. Issue resolved, thanks everybody.
One last note. I realize now that I am not as much angry with the individual as I am with myself for getting into this situation. I saw the writing on the wall a lot earlier but did not act on it because I wanted so badly to be with someone - to feel loved. I do love myself and just have to be more selective. I think we can get into patterns and my lifetime goal will be never to go back into this kind of negative energy again.
Cute poem.
No comment towards the relationship. I'm not in a place to give advice in that area.
Thanks, actually, I added a few more lines...
MSN Facebook Drama Queen
Websites are your only friends
Chatlines help you make amends
While strangers see your perfect smile
from profile images you compile
Every second of every hour
your inbox is your only power
when empty online off you go
in search of others to devour
Forgotten what is face to face
You make your friends in cyberspace
Promoting sexuality
Through virtual reality
Messenger texting narcissist, you run like child
when things aren't best
your online friends are just a lie
They don't care if you live or die
At any cost
At any means
MSN facebook drama queen
Perfect love when you control
a person using digital
most passive and most perfect rape
to make you whole, to make you great
emoticons, a smiley face
xo means in that special place
silence means that you're too lame
to meet and (talk) away the pain
Your facebook love is just a myth
Which brags about the one you're with
As status soon to be updated...
"Relationship is complicated"
At any cost
At any means
MSN facebook drama queen
well, talking about marriage or love,firstly,compatibility mean alot in A relationship,but woman can be so dangerous sometimes,true love does not exist anymore,but its good be married.
Men are just as dangerous as women in various ways...what danger are you talking about? What is true love...has it ever existed? Humanity has painted a picture of love that is confusing and misguided for the most part. Marriage and compatibility are good, I agree.
Thanks. You are sooo right. Luckily I found out about the person early enough in the relationship. It's incredible how emotions can be so overpowering and how they can alter judgement. A very manipulative fellow indeed as I look into this in hindsight. Oh well, another opportunity to write more lyrics!
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