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jump to last post 1-3 of 3 discussions (4 posts)

Parental Preference

  1. profile image57
    Ciera Cristelleposted 17 months ago

    Parental Preference

    Various ways of parenting and punishment. Some believe a spanking/smack will make their kids behave while others prefer timeouts and talking. What's your preference and why?

  2. Aime F profile image85
    Aime Fposted 17 months ago

    I prefer talking, we don't even do timeouts.  I know that probably horrifies some people.  But I have a very well-behaved and respectful little girl who isn't afraid of her parents; she's afraid of disappointing them.  Truly the most effective thing I could do to get her to listen/understand that she's done something wrong is to tell her that she's upset me and that we need to talk about why.  She can empathize with me, she trusts me, and she doesn't want to let me down.  She's always quick to apologize and listens to me when I'm explaining why something she did isn't allowed or okay, and I always get her to repeat it back to me in her own words so that I know she's taking it in.  I want her to know WHY the things she does makes people upset so that she can act based on an understanding of right/wrong and not just a fear of consequences.  It's simple internal vs external motivation and internal motivation is always more sustainable and reliable.  You do/don't something because you BELIEVE in it (ie. "I'm not going to throw my toys at the dogs because it might hurt them and I don't want to hurt them") and not because you don't want to suffer the consequences (ie. "I'm not going to throw my toys at the dogs because mom and dad might hit me").

    I suppose you could spank a kid and then talk to them about the issue but I'm not sure what the point is, doesn't seem like a super productive way to start communication and you're taking focus away from the discussion which is probably not what you want.

    Not to mention the rapidly increasing amount of studies that show that spanking is not effective and potentially harmful long-term.  I find it especially ridiculous when spanking is used as a form of discipline for any kind of violence.  I'm hitting you because hitting people is wrong.  Har har.

    My parents never laid a hand on me and never threatened to, and I was damn well near the best behaved teenager I knew.  I did well in school, my teachers liked me, I never got into trouble, I didn't drink or party or sneak out of the house. I also *think* I'm generally a pretty nice and good human being who cares about and respects others.  So, in my experience, I'm living proof that spanking isn't necessary to raise a good kid and a respectful adult.

    1. gmwilliams profile image85
      gmwilliamsposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      Parents of small families tend to talk to their children as a form of discipline  It is parents of large/very large families who use routinely use corporal & harsher forms of punishment to discipline their children.

  3. gmwilliams profile image85
    gmwilliamsposted 17 months ago

    https://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/13355311_f260.jpg

    Parents who are socioeconomically solidly middle, upper middle, & upper class, not to mention possessing college, specialized, & advanced degrees & have small & medium families(1-4 children per household) oftentimes prefer timeouts & talking.  They believe & practical constructive & intelligent disciplinary methods.  They have the education & intelligence to believe that more cerebral forms of discipline & punishment are more beneficial to children than more harsher, forms of punishment. 

    However, parents who are socioeconomically lower middle, working, & lower class, not to mention possess high school & less education & have large & very large families(6-more children per household) prefer more harsher forms of punishment.  These are the households who even practice corporal punishments.  Such parents are of the school that harsher & even corporal punishments help children to shape up.  They maintain that such punishments help children to man up psychologically so to speak.   They also believe that talking to & timing out children are exercises in futility, even causing children to commit the same offenses repeatedly. 

    Affluent, highly educated parents believe in using intelligence in disciplining their children whereas poor, less educated parents believe in using brute force in disciplining their children.  Another factor in discipline is family size.  Parents of small-medium families talk to their children as a form of discipline because they have more individualized time to devote to each child.  Parents of large-very large families use harsh punishments i.e. spanking, smacking, & even beating children because they don't have the time vested to devote to each child.

 
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