What is the best way to tell someone she is being selfish?

Jump to Last Post 1-8 of 8 discussions (19 posts)
  1. rlaha profile image60
    rlahaposted 11 years ago

    How would you tell someone she is being selfish without hurting her feelings but still being able to get the message across?

    1. spease profile image70
      speaseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It depends on what the person is doing that is selfish.

      1. rlaha profile image60
        rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        Here is the hub I wrote regarding this matter.

        http://rlaha.hubpages.com/hub/Telling-s … ou-tell-me

        Any advice would be great. Thanks!

        1. MickeySr profile image79
          MickeySrposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          I don't know that you can inform someone into 'getting it' that they are being selfish. When someone that age, over something like that, is willing to so publicly and without embarrassment act like that, I fear they actually think they are entitled to such a reaction . . . they can only see that what they want is not happening and that is the essence of the matter for them. If you try to tell them about other's feeling and being fair, etc, I don't think that's anything that they don't already see - they simply feel their own interests outweigh any concerns of propriety or right conduct.

          For me, I would simply not permit them to distress me or control the disposition of the day. If they want to go pout in a room, that's fully up to them, I would carry on as planned . . . rather than try to 'deal' with it, I would simply leave it to them, if they behave they are more than welcome to join in with all forgiven, if they want to maintain a belligerent demeanor then they can go deal with their belligerence themselves.

          It's too bad, but what are you going to do? You can't teach a charitable approach to life and a forbearing attitude toward others - you can only demonstrate the benefits of living such a life and remain ready and eager to forgive and forget. My policy; another's orneriness can only affect me if I permit it to . . . let them live with their own miserableness if that's the way they want to be, I feel bad for them and will do whatever I can for them, but their belligerence is only going to bother they themselves and is not going to hinder me a bit.

          1. rlaha profile image60
            rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Thank you so much for this.  Sometimes it's tough to tell how to handle certain situations.  This one has been very ornery for me.  I do not want to hurt her feelings as I know she will never want to visit us again if I do, but at the same time, I feel like she is spoiling her own vacation by acting like a child.

  2. profile image0
    EmpressFelicityposted 11 years ago

    Tell them they're bloody lucky not to have any health problems that prevent them from skating (I read your hub). Tell them that you hope they never have such problems in the future, and that if they do, you won't be surprised or bothered if nobody has any sympathy for them.

    1. rlaha profile image60
      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so much. I think that she might not appreciate that but maybe she just needs another slap in the face.  Let's see. I'll keep you all posted.

  3. waynet profile image68
    waynetposted 11 years ago

    The best thing to say is! "Look I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you're being too Fucking selfish! it's straight forward, just do it!!!!!!!

    1. rlaha profile image60
      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. She got the picture.

  4. profile image0
    melafxposted 11 years ago

    That the hard and best way to do it Wayne, eheheheh,
    Straight up, ...

    1. rlaha profile image60
      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      LOL smile

  5. ftclick profile image55
    ftclickposted 11 years ago

    So if your friends or parents did that to you you'd be OK with it?
    If they don't answer they are thinking and understand it is wrong. I get people on this each time. I was a passenger and the driver insisted to drive close to the bike lane while all cars in front of "her" were slightly towards the left and I said why drive so close to the bike lane?  she says cuz I am in a hurry. and so on... I know I am rambling.

    1. rlaha profile image60
      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      If my parents or friends did that to me I would be upset, but it would make me think about what I was doing.  I would actually realize eventually that I what I was doing was selfish and not including anyone else in my plans.  I am much older than my cousin is and have had my share of incidents similar to her.  She has had her way all of her life but now that she is in a different country, playing by other peoples' rules, she needs to realize that not everything will be in her favor, and she can't always get what she wants.

  6. Pearldiver profile image68
    Pearldiverposted 11 years ago

    What is the best way to tell someone she is being selfish?

    - Always make sure You take the last piece of cake on the plate instead of Her!

    That way you can Demonstrate how it feels when someone is being selfish... and do so in a way that tastes far better than an argument! smile

    1. rlaha profile image60
      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Haha that's a good one too smile

  7. Disturbia profile image59
    Disturbiaposted 11 years ago

    How about just telling her she is being selfish.  For me, being blunt and honest is always best.  That way there is no misunderstanding or miscommunication.  If she's being selfish enough for you to notice she's already hurting your feelings and obviously doesn't seem to care, so why try to save hers.  Come out and tell her.  If she's your friend, she'll get it.  If she's going to go sulk and pout over it, you haven't lost anything anyway because it already isn't a good experience for you.

    1. rlaha profile image60
      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this


  8. profile image56
    SanXuaryposted 11 years ago

    This is a woman and there is no way you can tell her that unless you plan on never being that persons friend. The only hope is to tell her in emotional terms how her decision is effecting you or someone else. If this person is a socio path your dead because they will only see it as a weakness and use it against you to hurt you more.

    1. rlaha profile image60
      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      She's my cousin and not a sociopath but thanks.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)