What is the best way to tell someone she is being selfish?

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   rlahaposted 11 years ago

   How would you tell someone she is being selfish without hurting her feelings but still being able to get the message across?

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      speaseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It depends on what the person is doing that is selfish.

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         rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Here is the hub I wrote regarding this matter.
         
         http://rlaha.hubpages.com/hub/Telling-s … ou-tell-me
         
         Any advice would be great. Thanks!

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            MickeySrposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            I don't know that you can inform someone into 'getting it' that they are being selfish. When someone that age, over something like that, is willing to so publicly and without embarrassment act like that, I fear they actually think they are entitled to such a reaction . . . they can only see that what they want is not happening and that is the essence of the matter for them. If you try to tell them about other's feeling and being fair, etc, I don't think that's anything that they don't already see - they simply feel their own interests outweigh any concerns of propriety or right conduct.
            
            For me, I would simply not permit them to distress me or control the disposition of the day. If they want to go pout in a room, that's fully up to them, I would carry on as planned . . . rather than try to 'deal' with it, I would simply leave it to them, if they behave they are more than welcome to join in with all forgiven, if they want to maintain a belligerent demeanor then they can go deal with their belligerence themselves.
            
            It's too bad, but what are you going to do? You can't teach a charitable approach to life and a forbearing attitude toward others - you can only demonstrate the benefits of living such a life and remain ready and eager to forgive and forget. My policy; another's orneriness can only affect me if I permit it to . . . let them live with their own miserableness if that's the way they want to be, I feel bad for them and will do whatever I can for them, but their belligerence is only going to bother they themselves and is not going to hinder me a bit.

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               rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Thank you so much for this.  Sometimes it's tough to tell how to handle certain situations.  This one has been very ornery for me.  I do not want to hurt her feelings as I know she will never want to visit us again if I do, but at the same time, I feel like she is spoiling her own vacation by acting like a child.

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   EmpressFelicityposted 11 years ago

   Tell them they're bloody lucky not to have any health problems that prevent them from skating (I read your hub). Tell them that you hope they never have such problems in the future, and that if they do, you won't be surprised or bothered if nobody has any sympathy for them.

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      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so much. I think that she might not appreciate that but maybe she just needs another slap in the face.  Let's see. I'll keep you all posted.

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   waynetposted 11 years ago

   The best thing to say is! "Look I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you're being too Fucking selfish! it's straight forward, just do it!!!!!!!

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      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. She got the picture.

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   melafxposted 11 years ago

   That the hard and best way to do it Wayne, eheheheh,
   Straight up, ...

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      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      LOL

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   ftclickposted 11 years ago

   So if your friends or parents did that to you you'd be OK with it?
   If they don't answer they are thinking and understand it is wrong. I get people on this each time. I was a passenger and the driver insisted to drive close to the bike lane while all cars in front of "her" were slightly towards the left and I said why drive so close to the bike lane?  she says cuz I am in a hurry. and so on... I know I am rambling.

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      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      If my parents or friends did that to me I would be upset, but it would make me think about what I was doing.  I would actually realize eventually that I what I was doing was selfish and not including anyone else in my plans.  I am much older than my cousin is and have had my share of incidents similar to her.  She has had her way all of her life but now that she is in a different country, playing by other peoples' rules, she needs to realize that not everything will be in her favor, and she can't always get what she wants.

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   Pearldiverposted 11 years ago

   What is the best way to tell someone she is being selfish?
   
   - Always make sure You take the last piece of cake on the plate instead of Her!
   
   That way you can Demonstrate how it feels when someone is being selfish... and do so in a way that tastes far better than an argument!

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      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Haha that's a good one too

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   Disturbiaposted 11 years ago

   How about just telling her she is being selfish.  For me, being blunt and honest is always best.  That way there is no misunderstanding or miscommunication.  If she's being selfish enough for you to notice she's already hurting your feelings and obviously doesn't seem to care, so why try to save hers.  Come out and tell her.  If she's your friend, she'll get it.  If she's going to go sulk and pout over it, you haven't lost anything anyway because it already isn't a good experience for you.

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      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      THanks.

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   SanXuaryposted 11 years ago

   This is a woman and there is no way you can tell her that unless you plan on never being that persons friend. The only hope is to tell her in emotional terms how her decision is effecting you or someone else. If this person is a socio path your dead because they will only see it as a weakness and use it against you to hurt you more.

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      rlahaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      She's my cousin and not a sociopath but thanks.

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