Scotlands munro's -4-hill walking adventure

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   BRIAN SLATERposted 13 years ago

   I have been with hub pages 6 weeks, and I would like you to review my latest hub, title above, and give me some honest feed back.
   
   thankyou

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   Website Examinerposted 13 years ago

   You are free to post links in this forum.
   
   Having read your hub, I have these comments:
   - punctuation, too few commas make it more difficult to read;
   - paragraphs in the 2nd chapter of your article are rather long, breaking each of these into 2-3 paragraphs will facilitate reading;
   - image at the bottom of your article is too small to have any impact, the headline sits oddly detached;
   - spell check not perfect ("acoss," "Scotlands" v. "Scotland's; "inchs").
   
   Sounds like a well-written travel account, otherwise.

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      BRIAN SLATERposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      thanks website examiner for the honest feedback.

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   SteveoMcposted 13 years ago

   I am by no means an expert.   But, I am full of opinions.  Please take what I say to be just that, my opinions. 
   
   I love to read, I read all kinds of things.  My personal favorites are when I read something that seems like a friend and I are talking and cheery and there is some give and take. 
   
   I read also your hub Scotland's Munros -1- Cairngorms Hill Walking Adventure to see if I could get a sense of your other writings.
   
   It is obvious that you want the readers to read each of the hubs in some kind of order.   This is a fine goal.  However, your readers are going to be reading the hubs as they find them.   If they don't like the current hub, they will not go to the first one for another dose of something they do not like.   I hope you understand what I am getting at.   It was hard for me to go to 1 after reading 4.   But guess what?  I liked 1 better than 4.  I suggest that you review the information regarding your hiking by starting off with a paragraph for the new reader with links to the other hubs.  Maybe a new hub with a glossary for meaning and pronunciation might be good.   
   
   You hike a millions miles to climb all kind of mountains and you do not have a camera?  I desperately wanted to see you in action, walking up or down, or posing in front of fantastic scenes.  I got nothing.  You need photos that depict your travels......and they should be of you so that it is more personal.  Put the photos with the text, not below.  This would make me want to visit and see some of the country myself.
   
   Put your ads on the top right.   I would rather scan the ads while reading to see if there is something that I might like.  I have made a similar mistake with ads.   I try splitting them and placing them here and there.  Nothing seems to work as well as just putting them on the right in a list.
   
   Spelling and punctuation errors are hard to overlook.  Some of them are just plain typos.  Fix them.
   
   Grammar word errors should not be overlooked, these are just mistakes, you most likely would correct these if you saw them.
   Kind of awkward use of the word 'when':
   'times when climbing when the snow is just brilliant'
   Double use of word from:
   'Schiehallion  from from here looks like the classic wedge'
   Not the right word:
   'who transpires to be a man working'
   More tougher?
   'considerably more tougher to reach'
   Change in voice:
   'which of the two Munro's you are going to climb first.'
   
   Finally, your writing is good.  I found some of the names difficult and am completely unfamiliar with the geography of the area.   Maps and directions might be interesting.
   
   I guess I shouldn't have said finally, I have one more thing to add.   Your profile.  You need to fix the spelling and grammar.  This is the first impression people get.
   Lots should be singular or leave the article out:
   'I have had a lots of ups and downs '
   Spelling of none:
   'non more than'
   
   I leave you with this thought:  Your loss is felt by all with children who read this. Thanks for sharing, I admire your bravery.

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      BRIAN SLATERposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      SteveoMc- thanks for all comments, I'm still learning and hope to improve.

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   IzzyMposted 13 years ago

   I'd like to add this. A hill or mountain to the climbing/walking fraternity is called a munro. Is the plural of munro not munroes...or  maybe munros? But munro's doesn't seem correct. Sorry minor issue...

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      BRIAN SLATERposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      IzzyM, thankyou for comment, you are quite right I have just checked and it should be Munros.

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   Marisa Wrightposted 13 years ago

   Brian, Steve has given you some good advice.  Most people won't find and read your Hubs in sequential order, so you need to think of each one as a stand-alone article.
   
   You could then add a highlighted text box (use the right arrow to float it right then you'll be able to choose a blue background), where you can put something like "read my Hubs on other Munros" with links to your other Hubs.

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      BRIAN SLATERposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your comments Marisa, I have already thought about doing that, but basically they are all "stand alone" articles, but it does help if you have read the introductory one first,  this gives you the background knowledge about what a Munro is.
      I have numbered them not because they should be read in a certain order, more for me to tell them apart when I'm editing them.

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