Trying to get this on a niche site - Last section bothers me.

1. 59

   The Old Guardposted 9 years ago

   http://hubpages.com/politics/Facts-That … k-Liberals
   
   Reworked this article quite a bit. I finished it.
   Then I thought adding the last section would add to the article. Now I'm not so sure.
   My personal opinion is this.
   The bailout was a prime example of how the government does not seem too concerned about the state of its citizens financial needs.The government felt moved to bailout 965 banks and insurance companies, but did very little for the citizens of the U.S. during the financial crisis.
   In contrast, the government  has no problem forcing a a business to pay an artificially high wages. (If labor shortage demands a higher wage, then one is given, in a "free" market)
   Does that make sense?
   And does the last section add to the articles worth or does it take away from it?
   Or is it "Why difference does it make?????"
   HAHAHAHAH
   Thanks ahead of time for any feedback.
   Chers

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2. 87

   Marisa Wrightposted 9 years ago

   The biggest problem with it is that you have lots of paragraph of just one or two sentences. HubPages doesn't like that. If you want to make a list of points, then format those single sentences as bullet points and they'll be fine. 
   
   I think you need to make your intention clearer in the first paragraph.   I found myself reading on and on, not sure what your point was.
   
   One more thing, and it's a point I regret having to make, is that your first photo probably isn't suitable.  I wrote a Hub about women with gray hair and included a picture of a schnauzer dog to illustrate how pepper-and-salt wasn't the most attractive look ("do you want to look like a schnauzer?").  HubPages didn't see the humour and just told me the photo was irrelevant.

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   1. 59

      The Old Guardposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Great - thanks for the input, Marisa.
      Did you think the last part of the article was relevant? The part about the  financial crisis and the actions of the government.
      Or did you get lost within the article and right now it's not good or bad?
      Again, appreciate your time and effort to help.
      Cheers, John

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3. 87

   Marisa Wrightposted 9 years ago

   Yes I did get lost in the article, I think it needs some stringent editing to make it clearer.

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   1. 59

      The Old Guardposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thx!

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   2. 59

      The Old Guardposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Not to be a pest, but have done some editing.
      Is it a clearer read?

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4. 0

   calculus-geometryposted 9 years ago

   Soapboxie.com is the niche site where your article could go if you formatted your article better.  Look at how the articles on Soapboxie are laid out.  They don't use bold excessively and they don't put a full line break between sentences.  You need to unbold most of your text and consolidate those sentences into real paragraphs.  Contrary to what some people believe, it does not make it easier for people to read when you separate all your sentences.  The effect is very distracting because people are used to reading text organized into paragraphs consisting of 3-10 sentences.  If these are supposed to be items in a list, use bulleted/numbered lists that are indented from the left (it's a formatting option right there in the text editor.)    Best of luck.

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   1. 87

      Marisa Wrightposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That's the point I was trying to make.   Either make the single sentences a bulleted list or consolidate them into paragraphs.

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      1. 59

         The Old Guardposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Thx to both of you for your time and suggestions
         I'll follow your advice.
         Cheers

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5. 0

   Will Apseposted 9 years ago

   None of the photos are licensed for reuse which does not help.
   
   There are far too many bolded words which HP specifically forbids in the style guide.
   
   The first paragraph has grammatical errors.
   
   It is an improvement on previous versions, though.

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   1. 69

      claptonaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Will,
      I appreciate your time and suggestions.
      Cheers,
      John

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