If your 17 year old daughter had sex and had a pregnacy scare, should the mother

1. 60

   BrittanyFaye92posted 14 years ago

   If your 17 year old daughter had sex and had a pregnacy scare, should the mother punish her?
   
   The mother had sex at 17 also, but the mother got pregnant. And the mother says she does not hate her daughter, but says she is on her "shit list"

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2. 53

   somu hubpagesposted 14 years ago

   The thing happened,so its better not to punish her but d mother should convince her daughter from repeating it.

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3. 60

   D_Stephensonposted 14 years ago

   Honestly sex at 17 is a scary thing, but then you add a pregnancy scare to it. I think that the daughter has already been punished enough. I believe the mother should sit down and remind her of the consequences of having sex at such a young age and remind her that she is still young and that she has her whole life ahead of her still. Let her know that no matter what you will be there for her, but that you don't agree with her decision.

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4. 59

   GiggleDropsKidsposted 14 years ago

   Hi,
   
   I don't think punishing her would be beneficial to the situation.  I think it would be better for both to seek counseling from a qualified person.   Hopefully, they will be ok.

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5. 61

   mscatswposted 14 years ago

   How can you really punish a 17 year old? I think the best thing to do here is for mother to have a heart-to-heart with her daughter and talk about the realities and responsibilities of parenthood. Frankly, if I was the mother in this situation, I think I would also plan a trip to the OBGYN and discuss birth control options for my daughter with her and the doctor. If she's going to have sex, why not be informed and responsible about birth control?

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6. 52

   violentchildposted 14 years ago

   talk to violentchild, he has a hub whee he answers questions about teens he is really experienced and his advice is always helpful!

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7. 59

   anitariley65posted 14 years ago

   This is something I thought I would never have to deal with, but I am. I'm just really glad that my daughter came to me for help. I have had both of my daughters on birth control since they were 15 years old. We have always talked openly about this, simply because my mother and I never did. I had 2 sisters become pregnant before they turned 16 and watched them suffer in many areas of their lives. They were both made to get married, as did my own mother at 16. I am guilty of a lot of things, especially allowing the boyfriends to visit, and even spend the night before. I won't go into my exact reasons for all of that right now as I am currently writing a hub about it all.  Just know that they DID NOT SLEEP TOGETHER. My girls slept in my room that night.
   When my own mother got upset and blamed me for it all, telling the entire family it was my own fault for letting the boys hang around, I had a huge question for her, after I blew up at her first.
   I simply let her know how I felt about her blaming, and asked her "were you letting such and such stay here when my two sisters got pregnant"?  It took her a moment, but she got it. It doesn't matter, because if it was going to happen, it just was.
   I talk to my girls, and I also warned them that their birth control would not work while they were on antibiotics, and to use extra protection should they decide to do anything.
   In the case of my daughter, I kind of blame the boyfriend because he "didn't want to wear a condom".  Well guess what?  Your life is going to be livng hell from here on out.
   Yeah, my daughter could have said no, but I was a teen once too. I remember that first time and how hard it was to make that decision.
   My first grandchild is due Dec. 29, 2009.  Because of my health, I have totally allowed myself to become excited. I have been fighting for my life since the age of 13, I'm now 44.  I am on a waiting list for a kidney transplant, so I never know from one day to the next how long I will be here.
   My daughter has decided to stay home, which is what I want too. I want to be here so she can finish her last 6 mo. of school, graduate, and go onto become an EMT as she has dreamed. I don't want to watch her suffer like my 2 sisters did because of this mistake. Her best interest, and that of the babies are all I am concerned about. I will not punish her. What good will it do? All you can do is hope that they learn from their mistakes as the most of us have.

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8. 71

   pankaj3625posted 14 years ago

   No. the daughter should not be punished. She must be treated with love and should be made aware of the consequences of getting pregnant too early. Punishing would not be the correct way.

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9. 49

   phenominalposted 14 years ago

   I couldn't punish my sseventeen year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend. Not only would she become rebellious the wall of hatred that would be built between the two of us would be horrible! I know that as parents we all believe that sex should be saved for marriage but ralistically I know that this is not going to happen. Talk to her make sure that she understands that responsibilites of having sex. Also make sure that if she had unprotected sex that she knows that she may be facing the life-time responsibility of a child. Let your daughter know tha althought you may not support the decision that she made that you still love her and will always be there for her. If you are angry tell her this and let her know why! By the time that she has has sex it's too late! Geive her your love and support and make her responsible for the adult choice that she has just made. By this I mean that a trip to the gynocologist is a must not only to test for pregnancy but for diseases as well. This may be the one thing that will bring you  closer or tear you apart! Take the time to get her on the pill and let her know that her choice is now a life-time repsponsibility. To punish for one has done in the past is futile but protecting her for the future is a must!

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10. 59

    GoGrannyposted 14 years ago

    Punishment is not the answer, education is. Now that it is obvious that the girl is having sex she needs to be taught to protect herself. Get her to a counselor. She has been granted a second chance to be smart, not stupid.
    Advice for teen girls http://hubpages.com/hub/Hey-Girls-Dont-Be-Stupid-Hub-6

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11. 74

    01iposted 14 years ago

    I know this may not be the case all over the world, but here in the UK the age of consent is 16. Althought you cannot legally purchase alcohol or cigarettes, nor enter into credit agreements, you are legally entitled to get married and have sex with people older than the age of consent.
    
    If I had a 17 year old daughter become pregnant, then I might be upset that she had been careless and not considered birth control. But I dont think 'punishment' (other than loss of her early fun adult years, due to having a child to care for) is really appropriate.
    
    Or, if she was to make the choice to not have the child, and enjoy the rest of her teens and early 20s, then she will more than likely punish herself for it for the rest of her life anyway.

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12. 61

    clicketmasterposted 13 years ago

    I'll give a guys opinion here...I first had sex at age 13, Most of you are probably screaming right now. Now that I have kids, I look back and say what the HELL was I thinking. But, lets face it. Kids are going to do things out of peer pressure or curiosity. The more we YELL and SCREAM not to do something then they feel they are missing out on something BIG. They will find away to do or try it anyway. Getting angry at them is not the answer. I do agree that educating your child is key. Take the precautions, like condoms being available, birth control and yes even having a open door policy for discussions with your kids. Let's face it, they are going to make mistakes in their lives but, they are still our kids and we love them.

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13. 60

    Amy29posted 13 years ago

    Here in S.C. you are an adult at 17.. if you wanna have sex, that is your right.. I think as a mother she should use this pregnancy scare as a way to teach the daughter about safe sex and take her to a teen pregnancy support group and let her hear what real teenage mothers have to say. To answer the question no. She should not punish the daughter for having sex.

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14. 60

    dharris74posted 13 years ago

    I would never punish my daughter for having sex. I myself had my first son at the age of 17 and it was tough, but I would not trade it for anything. I think the best course of action is to educate your children on how to protect themselves. I am not naive and I know my boys have sex, so my concern is protection. I have a very open relationship with them and they can come to me with any problem they have. I am pretty sure I would be the same way if I had daughters.

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15. 61

    tinawehaposted 13 years ago

    I think that the scare was probably punishment enough.  Get that girl on birth control.

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16. 63

    prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

    Talk to her and tell her the negative effects of teen pregnancy. Her body is still young and her future might be in jeopardy. Instead of studying, she will have to face motherhood at a very early age, but don't punish her. Talk to her about safe sex.

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17. 83

    gmwilliamsposted 10 years ago

    
    
    The mother got pregnant at 17 years of age. Since the mother become pregnant at 17 years of age, she should have used this experience to give her daughter a thoroughly comprehensive sex education which includes responsible sexuality and the use of contraceptives in order to prevent pregnancy.  That being said, there are some teenagers who despite given a thoroughly comprehensive sex education, elect to act irresponsibly.   
    
    While many teenagers have responsible sex, using contraception, there are others who do not.  Some are clueless, believing that they will not get pregnant, especially if it is the first time.  Others believe that if they use contraception, they planned sex.   Yes, many teenaged girls are inculcated in the bases that good girls don't while bad girls too.  So they contend that if they do not use contraception, they are good girls who did not plan sex.   They feel that by acting this way, they "were talked and/or initiated into sex."   They are of the school that if they planned sex, they would be considered to be less than respectable.
    
    That being said. The young lady, the mother's daughter, had a pregnancy scare.  Again, there are some young people who are clueless about the consequences of having sex without contraception.  The mother should use this and her experience of teenage pregnancy to thoroughly teach her daughter about the hazards of having sex without the use contraception and unplanned teenage pregnancy. 
    
    Teenagers who become pregnant and have the child have to discontinue their education thus facing impoverishment.   They also have to become mothers before they are emotionally, financially, and/or psychologically ready.  This has a detriment effect upon both mother and child, particularly the child. They oftentimes are resentful towards the child because their youth is gone. It would be totally unwise for the mother to punish her daughter. This event should be used as a thorough teaching process,discussing all aspects of sex.

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