Should a mother punish her 17 year old daughter for having sex with her boyfrien

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  1. BrittanyFaye92 profile image60
    BrittanyFaye92posted 14 years ago

    Should a mother punish her 17 year old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend?

    The teens have been on and off for two years and now they are really serious about their relationship

  2. niyokiphantom profile image60
    niyokiphantomposted 14 years ago

    I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses so I believe in sex only after you are married. I believe that the two of them having sex is wrong, and even though they are serious about their relationship, who knows how they will feel in 2 or 3 years. nPeople change and so do feelings. If the daughter becomes pregnant then she is tied to this boy who sjhe might not even like later. She might even get an STD. As regards physical disciplining that usually doesn't help, but she should sit down and talk about it with her daughter very seriously, and very soon.

  3. lisapisab profile image58
    lisapisabposted 14 years ago

    The reality is that legally at this point she is an adult.  While most people think of 18 as adulthood, many states acknowledge 17 or even 16 as the age of consent.  I think the more appropriate thing to do is have a conversation with the daughter about the risks associated with it and ways to protect her from disease and pregnancy.  Parents need to be realistic.  I know it is hard to let go of your baby and the thought of your child having sex is sickening, but we are humans with natural desires and these desires start much younger than 17.  If the daughter made it to 17 before losing her virginity the mother should be grateful. At this point the daughter is going to do what she wants to do.  Straining the relationship through punishment is bound to make the situation worse.

  4. kerryg profile image84
    kerrygposted 14 years ago

    I wouldn't recommend punishing her at all. You want her to trust you enough to feel comfortable confiding in you, especially if she is sexually active.

    I would sit her down and say something like, "I'm disappointed that you and your boyfriend are having sex and I wish you would reconsider your decision. You know my feelings about sex before marriage. However, I also want to to know that whatever you do, I will still love you, and if you ever need any help you can rely on me."

    Make sure that she is using protection and make sure she understands how important it is that she finishes her education, and how difficult that will be if she has to tote a baby around. A lot of girls her age think of babies kind of like cute dolls you can dress up and coo over, not thinking about the sleepless nights and the colic and the sheer amount of attention (and or hundreds of dollars per week in childcare) a baby requires, day and night. At her age, having a baby would pretty much ruin her life, especially with the economy so bad right now.

  5. HappyHer profile image55
    HappyHerposted 14 years ago

    I don't think punishing her is the answer, but communication and making sure she is safe should be a top priority.

  6. D_Stephenson profile image60
    D_Stephensonposted 14 years ago

    Honestly I don't think that punishment will do anything for the daughter. She's just going to turn around and do it again when she has the chance anyway. You need to sit her down and have a talk with her. Let her know how you feel about it, while also making sure she understands the consequences of sex before marriage. Sex is not a simple thing that can be taken lightly, but punishing a 17 year old is going to only make her will to do it stronger.

  7. hummingbirdhelp profile image57
    hummingbirdhelpposted 14 years ago

    At her age the more you demand and punish for something like this the more your teenager will rebel by doing it even more,
    Sit the teenager down talk to them as if an adult after all in their mind they are adults express your concerns of pregnancy and diseases suggest protection but remain clam

  8. profile image50
    emilysmith101posted 14 years ago

    i really wouldnt punish her as you want your daughter to be able to confide in you and trust you..and if you punish her about having sex with her boyfriend and get cross then she is lss likely going to be able to come to you in the future as she will think.." she will just get made at me there is not point telling" and you want ur daughter to come too you about anything!!
    My personal opinion is to let her know that she is being sensible ie: protection then doing it with  her boyfriend is acceptable.

  9. Kebennett1 profile image61
    Kebennett1posted 14 years ago

    I believe sex should be kept for marriage but, unfortunately as much as we want our children to believe what we believe, and that what we teach them is right and good, and no matter how much we talk to them about the reasons why casual sex is dangerous physically, emotionally and spiritually alas if they are doing it we can not stop them. Therefor, we must make sure they are protected by any means that we legally can. We must make sure our daughters are seeing a Gynecologist who is making sure they are caring for themselves and protecting themselves properly from STD's and pregnancy. We should be taking our sons to their physicians and making sure they are being protected and tested for STD's. If giving them health-care and knowledge is the best we can do for them, then that is what we should do. Teens can not be locked in their rooms. They will find a place and a time to have sex if that is what they want to do. We can only teach them what our moral standing is, teach them about STD's, pregnancy and so on, but they will still do what they want in the end. I know this, I have 2 sons who are 23 and 26 who are still unmarried and a 17 year old niece I am currently raising. Her mother taught her one thing, I am trying to teach her another! I am losing sad   I love her enough to do what I can to see that she at least protects herself! I wish No meant they wouldn't do it! And no punishment would change their mind, it would simply make them rebel more and be sneakier!

  10. Anointed_Dreamer profile image58
    Anointed_Dreamerposted 14 years ago

    Punish, NO.. Encourage, YES.  At this point you cannot let your emotions overtake you.  Now is the time to encourage your daughter to make the right decisons and not give in to peer pressure.  Explain the consequences of having sex, it's not all it's cracked up to be.  I tell my daughter all the time(she's 17) that I love her dearly but if I could have waiting to have sex I would have.  I am just getting my life back and she has seen me constantly struggling day in and day out by being a single parent.  I've told her if you just feel like you have to have sex use protection because not only can a baby come out this but HIV, herpes, AIDS and so on.  You can't be mad, because we didn't become single parents by majic.  All we can do as single parents is just encourage them to make the right decisons and to guard their bodies.

  11. BJC profile image71
    BJCposted 14 years ago

    How can you punish her?  I'm sure you have already, but howabout explaing the ramifications of premarital sex - the emotional impact on females and the risk of disease.  At this point you need to be a support to her as a person and discuss the possible ouotcomes.

  12. chance wilson profile image61
    chance wilsonposted 14 years ago

    i would let her know we as parents would like for them to consider the consequences of their actions and to study all the sexually transmitted diseases that could possibly happen to them and to consider that it only takes one time to get pregnant and that we do not agree or approve of them having sex.  we would hope that they will have the respect to wait but if not to at least keep talking to the parents openly about it.  Just remeber that even if they don't wait we as parents can say we tried to convince them to wait unitll they are old enough to understand what they are doing.

  13. profile image0
    Jessayposted 13 years ago

    I don't think your daughter should be anywhere near your boyfriend.

  14. profile image55
    100 percent realposted 13 years ago

    tell her you care and your not trying to be nosy tell her you love her ask if she was safe and try not to encourage her but offer her condoms and birth control take on the friend role not so motherly without getting into to much detail odnt punish but tell her of risk

  15. easegiri profile image59
    easegiriposted 13 years ago

    If taken for granted, then the vice gets multiplied, it takes other forms, then on a large scale it becomes a part of life and enjoyment.  Finally children will not know who their father is. A stitch in time saves nine, society will get cleaned.

    But then world is changing.  And it is not for good.

    In this case you say the teens are on and off and now they are very attached. What now they are seeking from you is your acceptance for their marriage.  Accept them and marry them.

  16. Hanna Bambina profile image60
    Hanna Bambinaposted 13 years ago

    If it was permiscous. However, at 17, it's generally love. Just put yourself in her shoes.

  17. profile image0
    L. Andrew Marrposted 13 years ago

    I can say, and this is the unpopular view amongst stiff collared zealots, that as a teenager I see no issue with what your daughter is doing.

    She is just exploring herself (and apparently her boyfriend) and intrapersonal intelligence is important for anyone who wishes to grow into a well rounded human being.

    Physically there is no harm assuming she used protection. Morally - well it depends where you stand on the subject - however, you cannot make all of her decisions for her. If you come down on her hard for it then she will still do it but she will do it with resentment in her heart. Surely that is worse than with passion.


  18. TAUEEF AHMAD profile image57
    TAUEEF AHMADposted 13 years ago

    sex is the vital source ov relaxation in human lyfe but it shuld be take in notice that for every thing there is a tyme and if we are not caring ov tyme it vil hav automatically its worst in this case its not gud to hav a sex wd boyfrend but if it is happend so there is no need cry over spilt milk...punishment shuld not better ....

  19. profile image51
    SCBOYposted 13 years ago

    Na dont punish her unless you dont want an open relationship. When most teenage girls let their man lay pipe the bf becomes addicted...... just make sure she is safe while having sex...  I was raised in waiting for marrige sooo and The girl im with now believe that to

  20. profile image54
    L.Marieposted 13 years ago

    Well as a teen i have to say if you punish her you will only make her want to do it more and she wont think to tell you anything just because she feels as if she does she only get in trouble.

  21. VampireAlice profile image62
    VampireAliceposted 13 years ago

    You should not punish her for having sex, thats like punishing her for getting her period every month.
    Teens have sex and you should make sure shes being safe about it and not going with out a condom. Sex is one thing but no condoms is another.

  22. Springboard profile image82
    Springboardposted 13 years ago

    Ultimately I don't think you can stop any kid from doing anything. That's just the nature of life. There's a strong curiosity as a people that we have, and that curiosity is often times very much stronger in our youth. You can teach them well, offer all of the advice you can, and provide tools to help them guide themselves to good decision making, but you cannot stop them from making decisions.

    Some kids will try smoking. Some will try sex. Some will decide to rob a store. Some may decide to do none of the above.

    All one can do is hope and guide and nurture the child. And its important to keep in mind as well that even if the child makes a bad choice, it's not necessarily a parental fault. My parents were great parents IMO, and I turned out very morally sound (even if I am not religious). I have a solid set of core values.

    I had my first drunk experience when I was 13. I started smoking when I was 8, though didn't "officially" start until about 13 when I started to inhale (though I quit at 26). It didn't make me a bad kid. It didn't make my parents bad parents. These were simply choices I made because I was interested and curiosity got the better of me.

    In the case of this mother and her 17-year old, the only thing she can do now is be there to continue to guide and support. In this case, punnishment seems rather futile to me.

  23. rodelmore profile image61
    rodelmoreposted 13 years ago

    Punishing her would only create a platform for resentment, which would breed contempt.  Though the particular action is unacceptable, the emphasis placed on letting her know that there could be a natural consequence for her actions.  I have 9 children and my oldest is 20 years old.  I never gave him permission to have sex.  However, I absolutely made sure my son new he would own the responsibility of the end result.  No babies so far.  As parents we constantly seek ways to protect our children.  Consequently, when we allow them to make there own decisions and take ownership of them, that is truly when growth occurs.  Good luck! God Bless.

    Pastor Rod

  24. Loveslove profile image61
    Lovesloveposted 13 years ago

    I wouldnt punish my daughter for that....just make sure she knows about birth control and the consequences of not using a SDT's etc..think back,did you have sex at 17 ? if you did what right have you to even think about punishing your daughter for it.

  25. Jaynie2000 profile image88
    Jaynie2000posted 13 years ago

    I would not punish her, though I can understand your worry and apprehension. She is 17 and within one year of being considered a legal adult. This is an opportunity to have a serious talk about life, choices and the consequences of those choices. The fact is that for most people, the urge to have sex is as fundamental and strong and the need to breathe. You can punish and set expectations and limitations, but the fact is that if she wants to have sex and she feels that she can't talk to you about it, she'll do it anyway, behind your back, without your guidance and counsel. She is doing something that is natural to every living thing. If you punish her, you may send a message you don't intend, which is to intimate that sex is bad or sinful or something to feel guilty about.

    The other thing to consider is, that no matter how we raise our children, somehow, they still develop their own interests, values and logic, which may be inconsistent with how we raised them. That is because we are all individuals.

    Since she's already done the deed, the best thing to do now is to make sure that she uses protection if she is to do it again (and she likely will), to respect her body and not to allow herself to feel pressured into doing it again, or doing it in a manner that makes her uncomfortable, or doing it with someone else that is not of her choosing.

    There are no shortage of life lessons to be learned here. Tread carefully...and good luck.

  26. bloominglily profile image59
    bloominglilyposted 12 years ago

    Break uo with the boyfriend and put the girl in a nunnery.

  27. profile image0
    summertime8posted 12 years ago

    Absolutely no. Teenagers/children never need to be punished. Talk to her, gain her confidence. Tell her that you care and guide her in the right direction.
    If you punish you push them into more trouble.

  28. drperetz profile image38
    drperetzposted 12 years ago

    Don't punish, explain your anger. Its better in your house than some where on a street. Good luck.

  29. KatieCohen profile image59
    KatieCohenposted 12 years ago

    My mom told me she felt sick when I talked to her about birth control.  If I even let it hint I was having sex she would flip out.  Guess what that didn't stop me at all.  If anything you should help her find birth control and encourage her to talk to you.  I am almost 21 and my mom still refuses to except that I have sex and I live with my boyfriend. 

    My mom and I's relationship would have been much better if I was constantly getting in trouble for things everyone does.  Imagine if you got in trouble for having sex.  Would that stop you?  If your mom thought it was gross and didn't want you to would you stop?  I sure hope not.  She doesn't need a long conversation with you.  She just wants to know that its not the end of the world that you know.

  30. prettydarkhorse profile image57
    prettydarkhorseposted 12 years ago

    No, talk to her about safe sex and delaying it.

  31. Smartthinking profile image56
    Smartthinkingposted 12 years ago

    These issues must be resolved through dialogue and dialogue in a sweet way. You should make her understand and try to win her heart and soul.Love and your care is a good punishment. You should try to convince her and give her a time.May be she may doing sex just for fun or passing time which she needs from you. So physical punishment option should not be used as a first and only way to stop her.

  32. gmwilliams profile image85
    gmwilliamsposted 12 years ago

    No, you should not punish her at all.  Just ascertain that she is on strong birth control such as norplant.   Also talk to her and her boyfriend regarding not being too serious about their relationship.  They are young and have their lives ahead of them.   The teenage years are too young to have a serious relationship-save the seriousness to their twenties.


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