I found my birth mother on face book and i want to know how to have a better rel

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   peacock413posted 14 years ago

   I found my birth mother on face book and i want to know how to have a better relation ship with her?
   
   s hard for me because after i was adopted i was put in foster care because the home i was adopted into was bad.

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      Jessie Holtposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Take your time I know this was posted 7 years ago make sure you research about who she is I know from my personal experience I regret finding my bio family they’re actually jealous of what I have and keep telling me not not be like the family I’m with because they aren’t my family but yet they raised me so you never really know

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   BRIAN SLATERposted 14 years ago

   if i was you i would take this very seriously and slowly, do you remember your mum she is going to be different from how you remember her. Has she remarried, does she have any children, these might not want to know you. Does your mum want to make contact with you. These are just some questions you need to ask yourself. It would be great if it happens but a lot has happened between you and this will take time to heal. Good luck

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   zoey24posted 14 years ago

   I was adopted when i was eight, and my birth mother contacted me when i was eighteen, unfortunately it did not work out how i always imagined it to, she wrote to me and phonned me but didnt want me to visit her and her new family in person, she also lied to me alot about my childhood to make herself look better, this made me feel very confused about the whole situation, i would suggest you get councelling before you take it any further so you can be fully prepared for what may or may not happen, i wish i had done the same.

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   motherof5_1999posted 14 years ago

   I too was in your situation, as my hubpages will inform you. First of all Congratulations on finding your birth mother. For me this was both scary and exciting at the same time.
   I started out by writing letters back and forth between my birthmother and myself. I was in the process of getting married and thought what better than to invite my birth mother to my wedding....That was scary....
   Let me back track a minute. Growing up in my adoptive home,my adoptive mother always downplayed my birth mother. She would tell me she was overweight, uneducated, and a disgusting person. In my mind none of this could be true...after all she was my birth mom.
   Growing through the pain of the abuse I lived with I held on to the thoughts that I would someday meet my birthmother and belong, once again to her.
   So I did meet her and it was scary. She was in a wheel chair, as she had poor health. She wasnt of the middle to upper class, but I didn't care. Sitting there was the woman who once made a difficult decision to give me up because she thought it was best.
   In hindsite it was better for me...even though I had to go through the abuse.
   Communicate by letters, and when you feel up to it get together and go to dinner, a movie, or anything the two of you enjoy.
   I eventually lost communication with my birth mother on my own decision as she would repeatedly make me feel bad that she couldnt pay her bills. Almost asking for money.
   When I did decide to get back into contact with her, I instead found her obituary on the internet. I contacted my birth brother whom I had also communicated with off and on and he verified it was our birth mother.
   I can't guarantee things will work out like you had pictured in your mind, as they dont in most cases. But if it is that bond of knowing your biological mother, keep the lines of communication open and the relationship will develop on its own. Remember at one point in time she did what she thought was best for you. No one can predict the future for their child when choosing adoption, they are choosing for that moment in time.
   Best of luck to you!!

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   romariposted 13 years ago

   my birth parents are poor.and my foster parents are in the middle class. it is good to recognize your birth mother and respect her. but it is your prerogative if you will go with her or to stay at your foster parents home.

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   OrphanWorldGuyposted 13 years ago

   Developing a good, close relationship will require honesty about the past and a commitment on both of you to build a relationship. But every relationship is different and you only have control over your side of the equation.
   
   I met my biological mother when I was 30 and my biological father when I was 40. I have a great relationship with both sides of that family and with my adoptive family. I made a decision a long time ago to just lump them all into that one word, "family". But that's because it's how I view them.
   
   For your own needs, you may need to use other terminology like "biological mother" to appropriately categorize the relationship in a way you can handle.
   
   Being adopted was really the way God chose to form my life. I adopted my son when he was 13 and have worked with others on adoption. And now I run a nonprofit agency working with orphan kids worldwide.
   
   I hope you find the relationship you're looking for. A great step is to enter the relationship with a huge amount of grace and forgiveness.

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