My boyfriend and I started talking about marriage, and now he says he feels pres

1. 62

   jjparis6posted 13 years ago

   My boyfriend and I started talking about marriage, and now he says he feels pressured. Meaning?
   
   We have talked about the future and he has plainly said to me "I feel comfortable talking with you about the future, and I've never been able to talk about it with anyone before." We've started talking about marriage and just last night he drops a bomb on me - "I feel pressured into this." He's already bought an engagement ring and we've discused the dates and wedding bands, all his ideas; I try to be as supportive as I can but for some reason he believes I'm pushing him into it. What can I do, and what does he mean? All I can see is the negative side which isn't making me feel good.

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2. 60

   simplymoneyboyposted 13 years ago

   Hey, thing is "He is trying to ignore you". Thats all, i can understand from your sentence. This may be due to some family problems from him,or else, he may misunderstand you.
   
   Now, you just try to do one thing, just slowly ask him, the reason, and just give some fantastic moments of your both lifes like when you meet at first like that.
   
   Dont always ask him, about the Marriage, this make him pressure. Just let him be the first to hurry up the Marriage.

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3. 84

   stricktlydatingposted 13 years ago

   Up to this point all the ideas he's had about marriage and buying your ring were probably to keep you happy as he's been happy in your relationship and is wanting to please you, if he knows that's what you want.  But now it's come to wedding planning it seems like it's all to much for him, so of course you're going to feel hurt.  It may just be the usual pre-wedding jitters they talk about, but in any case  you can't pressure him into continuing to make wedding plans at this stage, you have a committment and he either moves forward with it or he backs out.

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4. 61

   Amoure85posted 13 years ago

   Men and women see things differently.  This is how it is and how it always will be.  While we spent time as young adults fantasizing about our perfect wedding, men were fantasizing about cars or the model on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.  It is what it is.
   
   With that said, there are communication tools that can be used to get two people, of the opposite sex, on the same page.  When it comes to discussing marriage there are several strategies to employ.  Below are two of my favorites:
   
   1.) Let him know that he is being heard by acknowledging what he is telling you.  For example, "Sweetie from what you are saying I understand that you are stressed."  From there set a date when he will be ready to move forward with the wedding plans by saying something such as, "It is not my intention to have you feel pressured or stressed by the idea of marriage.  I know that it is a lot to take in all at once.  Let's take a break from marriage plans, but let's set a date that we can start discussing it again."  This is a diplomatic way to get him on the same page with you, but also gives him time to get over whatever he is going through.
   
   2.) If you have tried the first idea or if he keeps saying that he feels pressured perhaps he is not at a time in his life where he is ready to commit.  Let him know that if he does not want to set a date for your wedding that you are going to set a date for the two of you to break up.  This may seem extreme, but it does, and had worked.  If this is the option that is employed it must be done when you are very calm.  Start by explaining that it is your desire to get married and since the two of you are unable to talk about it you have decided that it would be best to part ways in ___ months/years or whatever time frame works.  There will be an initial shock from him, but he will realize that if he doesn't figure it out then you will be gone because you are not going to remain engaged for the rest of your life.
   
   Best of luck!

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5. 87

   crankaliciousposted 13 years ago

   You can do one of two things: back off on the discussion or give an ultimatum. If you are not worried (I suspect you are), then do the first thing. If you are worried, do the second.
   
   Frankly, on the second option, just give yourself an ultimatum: if he has not made a commitment by such and such a date, leave him. There are other fish in the sea and plenty of guys who will be better to you than him, so don't worry about it.
   
   I'll actually provide a final option: if he feels pressured, then tell him you want a break from your relationship for a few months. You'll either scare him or find out that he's really not interested.

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   JemiMillerposted 12 years ago

   Men often take any opportunity to not show there true feelings. He is probably shadowing in the sense that he has gone along with what he thinks will make you happy and in that way made you believe he was ready for it too. I don't think it is pressure but his own cold feet and fears for the future bubbling to the surface. Give him some time and tell him to drop the whole marriage subject and if he brings it up you know he really want to. If not its not the right time and maybe not the right guy.

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