How do does one parent deal with false accusations by the other parent during a

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   joanwzposted 11 years ago

   How do does one parent deal with false accusations by the other parent during a custody battle?

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   Mom Katposted 11 years ago

   A friend of mine went through this.  He needed documentation and witnesses on his side who could prove or verify that the claims against him were false. 
   The biggest thing is not to get caught up in "mud-slinging".
   If the other parent is slamming you and you have proof and witnesses that it is a lie, then that alone shows the character of the other person.  By you rising above this and not doing the same thing back, you prove your integrity.  A judge will be able to see this. 
   Other note ~ you need a really really good lawyer. 
   I had another friend who went through the same type of thing and he proved she was lying about him.  She was even caught in 3 lies while on the stand & still got her way.  His lawyer was junk & didn't do his job. 
   You need an awesome lawyer !!!

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      joanwzposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      THanks this is helpful.

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   KristenN4Boysposted 11 years ago

   Ignore them. Unless it's something that directly affects the children, then you have to learn to let it go. If the accusations are false, the people that know and love you will know it, including your kids. People lash out and say horrific things during custody battles and separations, but at the end of the day, they forget the end goal is doing what is BEST for the kids including refraining from dishing out pure lies. Always take the high road. Despite having to deal with b.s., the end result is always better.
   As my mama always tells me "Kill 'em with kindness". Your kids will learn more from your example than the ex's.

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      joanwzposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your response KristenN4Boys. This is good advice. The high road is the best way.

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   Amberjewellposted 11 years ago

   My husband and I have dealt with this with his ex wife many times. Through a custody battle for their children and outside of court when she has said false things to the kids.
   Here's my advice to you. Document everything! It's very important. If you keep a calendar just for this, you can use it in court and it will stand much more with a judge than just off the top of your head knowledge of something that happends. The more details the better.
   As far as personally dealing with the children, we were there too. We have 40% in the school year and 50% in the summer with the kids. Because we have only 10% less time with the children, we have to pay child support.
   Last year, the children were constantly coming up to us saying that their mother told them she could not do anything with them or buy anything for them when they were with her because my husband wasn't paying child support. This infuriated us because that money comes out and we never see it. After hearing it all summer long, we decided that we were not going to outright just call their mother a liar, but the best way to handle it was to go onto the child support website and prove to them that this accusation was false. We did and they were very disappointed, but they knew truth and it didn't take us using our emotions, feelings, and even explaining our disappointment in the matter. They saw proof that we were taking care of them.
   Unfortunately, so many of us are in these situations and the children are brought into it. I don't know your case but cover your steps. If your being accused falsely of something that could be used against you in court, do what you can to gain proof that that accusation is false. For instance, if your ex is saying that your abusive, have notorized letters from a few people (friends, family, co-workers etc) that you know stating their experience in seeing you with your children. Depending on the state, you may be able to use this in court for your defense.
   You have to tread carefully in a situation like this. The ex will often use anything and everything they can against you. Little things they can't use in court or you know won't stand up I would just blow off. They aren't worth your stress.
   I hope this helps.

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      joanwzposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It does help. THanks. It's my daughter's ex. We've already proven her innocence the first time in custody court. Now he's taking her back to have the custody ammended in his favor on another false charge. We've been collecting proof already.

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      Amberjewellposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I would say keep track of theses fasle accusation cases as well. As he continues to take her to court for these and they continue to be dismissed, it will show he is not looking out for the best interest of the child(ren), but just lying each time.

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      joanwzposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I see what you're saying. He'll show a history of bad conduct. Which can be used against him.  excellent.

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      Amberjewellposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Exactly.

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   Beverly Kaseposted 11 years ago

   Best thing to do is to put everything down in black and white. Believe me, it is a hassle to have to document everything but it is well worth it when it comes to going to court. I am only 27 but my ex loves taking me to court to get full custody of my daughter. We are not married but he wants to keep her for himself because he feels I am an unfit mother just because he doesn't like me anymore. His mother helps him to because she knows the ways of the court. She has gone through a custody battle herself but her situation dealt with kids that are her second husbands grandchildren. Right now my mother and I are writing everything down, taking pictures before my daughter leaves to her father and when she gets back. He thinks it's ok she has scratches when she is with him, but if she has scratches from playing while with me, we have to go to court because it is ot acceptable. I hope things go well with your daughter and I am sure she is a great mother to her children. She shouldn't be scared, if she is doing everything right god will prevail her. He is always there.

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   gamerbabe75posted 11 years ago

   As a parent who went through a very nasty custody battle with a male gender biased judge that ignored all my documentation, the best way is to prove to the judge that you are the better parent. Don't go to court and complain or point the finger at the other parent. The judge will take this to mean immaturity and defensiveness. Instead, show yourself to be the most responsible and loving parent. Ways to do that are to bring in receipts from your care of the children over a long period of time. Taking them clothes shopping, haircuts, doctor's appointments, or out for fun outings are all valid evidences of good care of children. Another way is to get witnesses of how good of a parent you are. People who make good character witnesses are pastors, other parents (especially of the opposite gender) who have an upstanding  reputation in your community, and anyone who has expertise in the child department (child care workers, teachers, psychologists, etc.). Another good thing to do is to air all your mistakes and shortcomings before the other parent can and give reasons as to how you have worked on it or corrected yourself since. Finally, be realistic. The other parent has a right to see their child on a regular basis and in most situations this is healthy for the child. Yes, the other parent may bad mouth you in court or even in front of the child but that does not take their right away as a parent. If you are confident in your ability to be a parent there is no need to worry. What goes around, comes around. If one parent is constantly saying bad things about the other parent in front of a child that child will grow to resent that bad mouthing parent and want nothing to do with them when older (when visitation is a choice for the child).

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      joanwzposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. this is excellent advice.

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