How can I stop projecting my thoughts onto others?

1. 56

   BeliDeeposted 11 years ago

   How can I stop projecting my thoughts onto others?
   
   - for example: looking for flaws in their appearances and how they are not as attractive as me, and wish they looked like me. When in actual fact every time I look in the mirror I dislike myself. I know I am just trying to look down on other people so I can perceive myself as more attractive. I feel guilty and negatively when I do it. Its a very old and hard habit to break. How do I stop? It causes me to hate others because I think when they are looking at me they are judging me- projection again. It's difficult enough admitting that it's my own fault so knowing how to fix it is impossible.

   replyreport
2. 0

   JThomp42posted 11 years ago

   Not trying to be smug at all, just bite your tongue. As the old saying goes "If you don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything at all."

   replyreport
3. 0

   ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

   Perhaps when you finally realize that no one has changed anything for you ! lol

   replyreport
4. 60

   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   Those kinds of habits can be very hard to break but you can do it.  Always be present in the moment.  Be super aware of when you meet someone and those thoughts begin. In your mind, yell STOP!  And refuse to "go there."  Make your mind up to notice something nice about them and the make your thoughts move on.
   
   If you can't do this, you might benefit from some counseling to help break the thought patterns.

   replyreport
5. 66

   maddotposted 11 years ago

   It''s all about retraining your mind. Thinking in a certain way for a very long time wires the brain do what you've been training it to do.
   If you want to untrain that way of thinking your have to work at it - very much like the way you train your body to lose weight or to get fit.
   You have already moved in the right direction by identifying  your thoughts and how they are affecting you.
   When you see those thoughts popping up into your mind - divert them- do not allow them, don't follow them, distract yourself onto  another train of thought. - you'll be surprised at how well this works.
   I find that if I "set' my mind in the morning..to thinking I will only have kind thoughts and wish all much happiness...it makes my day easier and those nagging nasty little thougths don't get as much airplay! Sometimes those thoughts are stubborn..but just keep on them - Identify, acknowledge and wish them well but it's time for them to go! Remember everytime one pops into your mind..turn you attention elsewhere.
   I also use a bracelet I bought after my much loved old dog died. It's a lovely green stone set in silver and I use it to remind me what my dog taught me; she never said a bad word about anyone and she was kind to everyone.

   replyreport
   1. 84

      Billie Kelpinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      lovely

      replyreport
6. 59

   Maggie Bennettposted 11 years ago

   I think all the other people who answered gave you some good things to think about.  One thing I've realized about myself is that when I finally recognize the problem myself it is much easier for me to attempt to fix it. 
   
   The next time you find yourself doing this just try to stop yourself.  Do not get mad; just switch gears.  The more you catch yourself doing this the more likely you are to quit doing it eventually. You will change your habit over time hopefully.  Good luck.

   replyreport
   1. 56

      BeliDeeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks

      replyreport
7. 64

   mintinfoposted 11 years ago

   Self psychoanalysis is very important ability to posess. It goes beyond self consciousness and shyness into a state of hyperempathy which is a diagnosed illness. Research hyperempathy and take it from there. Good luck. .

   replyreport
8. 0

   Sri Tposted 11 years ago

   Find a good hypnotist. It should take less than one week to fix it. Also, a good book on thought stopping is, "This"  by Sri H. W. L. Poonja. Everybody creates an illusory world with their thoughts. The secret is to just be aware of your creations. Then you can change them or leave the page empty, with no commentary.

   replyreport
9. 84

   Billie Kelpinposted 11 years ago

   Great thoughts in these comments.  I'd like to add these:  My mother used to say, "You wouldn't worry about what other people thought about you, if you realized how little they do!"  (I loved that, but it didn't really help me with always comparing myself with others.)  Everyone I used to see when I was younger, and even a little bit at this late stage of life, seemed kinder, wiser, brighter, more fulfilled, better at life than I am.  I began to realize where that paradoxical comparison habit came for me.  It was actually from 4th grade when the lovely Sister Mary Ann Margaret was trying to instill "character" in us.  Each week the class voted on the person who was the most "Christ-like," kindest, noblest , blah da de blah, student in the class. That person would get to wear the "honor" pin. Five of us girls seemed to get that honor pin a lot. (I don't think the boys got it much - lol).  On the weeks I didn't get it, I was devastated.  Thus, the comparison of myself with others was set in motion. After my husband left more than 20 years ago after 20 years of marriage, it confirmed ALL misgivings I had about myself.  Of course his leaving meant I was less kind than the woman he left for; of course it meant I was less able to give him what he needed than the woman he left for; of course the woman he left for must have been a better mother; and on and on ad infinitum.  I could barely function in the world after that.  One way of coping was to write a little story (adult allegory or whatever) about a little petunia in the garden.  (Polly and the Measuring Stick).  Polly loves being in Mrs. Shumway's garden until the garden club comes to visit.  There are "ooh's" for this flower and "aah's" for that flower; but there are no "ooh's" nor "ahh's" for Polly.  Finally after bringing herself "down to the ground" the little petunia hears a chant in her own little mind that saves her:  "I am what I am and I know what I know: And I measure JUST ME, to see how I grow."  I have it on Amazon as an ebook and I hope it helps those of us who struggle with this type of self-esteem issue. I love the comments on mind re-training that Maddot wrote here for you. We're all in this together.  When you look at a friend, try to think about what THEY need from YOU. Listen to THEM. Let the focus of your mind be on THEIR NEEDS and you will glow from within SO BRIGHTLY that you will be beautiful and radiate beauty to all around you.  You'll feel that glow. Peace and best wishes.... Billie

   replyreport
   1. 56

      BeliDeeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Very Helpful x

      replyreport