How long will it take to get over someone you loved dear for 5 years?

1. 53

   MCbabeuwerelovedposted 9 years ago

   How long will it take to get over someone you loved dear for 5 years?
   
   So the question is pretty straight forward... I tried the 30 60 90 day no contact rule but I still have this burning feeling in my heart. Ex abruptly ended it after 5 years and admitted to me that she was using me until she did not need me anymore. I felt sad and played and it hurt more then anything I ever felt in my life. I tried to change to get her back even though I felt that we never fought as much as she said I did. I was a loving caring guy but in the end it did not matter. She never showed me compassion and made it seem like it was all my fault. How much longer before this pain vanish

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2. 80

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   You can't "move on" because you don't want to move on!
   " I still have this burning feeling in my heart."
   "..admitted to me she was using me until she did not need me anymore." "I tried to (change) to get her back...."
   " I was a loving caring guy but in the end it did not matter."
   "She never showed me compassion...."
   And yet somehow a part of (you) still thinks she's "the one"!
   Be grateful it was just 5 years and not 10 or 20 years!
   In order for (her) to be "the one" she would have to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a (soul-mate) is someone who (actually wants to be with) you! Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you?
   "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
   - Oscar Wilde
   If someone tells you they were only with you to "use" you then clearly they didn't think you were all that "special". You have to learn to love yourself!
   Therefore the first step is to accept it's over and stop "romanticizing the past"!
   Do some "spring cleaning". In other words if you have things lying around your home that remind you of her remove them from your sight. People have been known to keep shrines of their former relationship in their home and wonder why they can't seem to move on.
   Imagine a new woman came into your house. There should be no traces of your ex laying about. Unfriend her on Facebook, remove her phone number and name from your cell phone, block her email address, avoid places she or her friends frequent.
   Get in touch with yourself, start working out, spending time with family and friends you may have neglected, plan a weekend getaway or vacation, immerse yourself in activities of your interest, enjoy the freedom that comes with not having to compromise, check out some hobby groups on Meetup.com, focus on your career and building wealth...etc
   The only way I know of to get out of depression is to take action.
   Eventually you'll meet someone new who really will be (into you) and then you'll look back and say; "My ex leaving me was the best thing that ever happened! Ultimately in the end everything does happen for the best.

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   1. 53

      MCbabeuwerelovedposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That was awesome! Thanks for the heads up.

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3. 53

   MCbabeuwerelovedposted 9 years ago

   I believe the reason why it was so hard was in the beginning I thought if I believed in her at her most weakest, that she would believe in me at my most weakest. You are right though to love yourself first. I just forgot how that do this. Reason why we fought so much because I was defending myself during the devalue and discard phase she was going through with me. The reason why I fought so hard was because I had placed so much hope into the relationship after making so many sacrifices towards it that I lost who I was in the process. I do love myself and I do have a wonderful woman who shows me genuine love towards me. She found me almost immediately after I forgave myself and my Ex. Just that I sometimes feel this pain in my heart and needed some feed back. Thanks again.

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   1. 80

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      You're welcome!
      Remember one person cannot "love enough" for two. Some people are just "takers" and don't "give" anything in return. Don't expect them to change!
      The goal is to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want.

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