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How long does it take to get over the breakup of a 5 year relationship?

  1. DeanKeaton259 profile image59
    DeanKeaton259posted 7 years ago

    How long does it take to get over the breakup of a 5 year relationship?

    She was also my best friend.

  2. USMCwifey09 profile image69
    USMCwifey09posted 7 years ago

    ouch. easiest answer is that it's different for everyone. hopefully it won't take too long, and also won't leave you with bitterness. best of luck. *hug*

  3. greatinfosite profile image60
    greatinfositeposted 7 years ago

    it would probably takes a year or so to get over it.Depending on wheather you wish to move forward with your life with this breakup, or go on sinking yourself in grief.

  4. DeanKeaton259 profile image59
    DeanKeaton259posted 7 years ago

    The boyfriend/girlfriend titles were on and off for 5 years. It was my choice each time to break up, but we remained friends and were physical for most of it until the very end. In the end she decided that it was too painful to have me in her life, so she kicked me out of her life. When she came to me with this, I told her I wanted to give the relationship another shot and that we should try relationship counseling and stuff to try and make it work. She didn't want to try anymore. I'm not sure if it would have worked. It might have just ended with me breaking up with her again. I think I offered because I didn't want to lose her. The worst thing is not being able to talk anymore. I miss that the most, but she said she couldn't talk to me or see me anymore. Not even online. I know it takes time to move on and I think I'm doing quite well handling things. I wasn't at first, but it's been almost 5 months now. I guess I was just curious if anyone had any similar experiences that they wanted to share. I've never been through something like this before nor do I have any friends who have been.

    1. fpherj48 profile image77
      fpherj48posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      All I needed to know, was in your 1st. 3 sentences.  5 yrs of "on & off,"  YOU hitting the OFF switch, but continuing to have sex?  Of COURSE it was too painful for her to have you in her life! Leave her alone.  She has a right  to love & com

    2. profile image52
      mjkbposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      HI. For me I'm pretty much going through word for word of what you wrote here. It was 3 years ago so have you gotten over it?and how?

    3. luvtoowrite profile image42
      luvtoowriteposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      You said it has been 5 months now, so was my psych course right, one month for every year? She may continue to talk to you after she is over the initial breakup. Many people continue to be friends later, after the wounds heal that is.

  5. profile image0
    ankigarg87posted 7 years ago

    it depends upon how seriously u are attached with it. But if u r serious u will shy if u face her.
    If ther is seriously relationship then it wouldtake lifetime to  get over it to forget all

  6. jite profile image36
    jiteposted 7 years ago

    Just look for another girl friend.The day you get one,the situation will improve fast.Until then it will be very painful.Best of luck from me,dont worry it happens sometime in life.Never try to diagnose the breakup.

  7. kmartel profile image40
    kmartelposted 7 years ago

    You can't put a time frame on this. It can take a week, months or years. I got over a 6 year relationship in 3 months.  No, I didn't meet someone else.  Everyone is different.  Take the time you need to grieve and you'll eventually get over it.  My advice though, don't get into another relationship just to forget about the previous one, this will only hurt the person you are now with. Keep busy with projects, hobbies and your friends. Time does heal, make peace with yourself, love yourself.  When you get to the point where you really feel good about being alone and you don't need that other person do complete you, your grieving is finished and you can get on with your life.  Good luck

  8. twogroce profile image59
    twogroceposted 7 years ago

    It depends on why we broke up and how bad the break up was. For a "it just didn't work out" break up I would say a couple of months. For the person who had their heart broke I would say 6 months to a year.

  9. urs_dipak profile image58
    urs_dipakposted 7 years ago

    Life time or some time more than that tooooooooo. If you are in true love otherwise until you get a new girl frnd.

  10. Wayne Brown profile image82
    Wayne Brownposted 7 years ago

    That varies a bit with the person but I would say, based on my experiences, that you can count of 1 year for every 5 to 7 years of relationship. So the short answer is probably one year and that has a lot to do with how much you work at it.  If you bask in the depression of losing the relationship, if you don't find a way to move on and occupy your attention in more productive ways, it will take longer.  This depends on you and your resolve to get past it.  WB

  11. rust profile image60
    rustposted 7 years ago

    Some people need a lot of closure. Others just need a good bottle of something. It sounds like it bothers you more to lose the friendship than the romance which means you were more dependent on her happiness as her friend. With friends, it's best just to wish them well and keep involved with people who are active in your life. I've lost touch with several good friends over the years but I haven't had trouble dealing with the loss of contact. As long as they're well - and I presume they are - It's fine with me. Figure out what's really missing in this case - your concern for her happiness - learn to understand that she's okay, and presto, it's a done deal.

  12. lifeisabeach profile image59
    lifeisabeachposted 7 years ago

    Divide it by 20, so: 60 months / 20 = 3 months.

  13. profile image45
    cigidosposted 7 years ago

    maybe 2 years to forget anything about her..

  14. ecugirl2009 profile image61
    ecugirl2009posted 7 years ago

    Everyone is different, but most from a professional perspective, most psychologists say that it takes anywhere from a third to half the length of the relationship to get over it. So a 5 year relationship would probably take anywhere from a year to two and a half years to fully get over.

  15. schoolgirlforreal profile image81
    schoolgirlforrealposted 7 years ago

    This sounds very difficult. I'm going thru this too .
    I would say to you, if it wasn't meant to be, it wasnt.
    you can't force something to continue or for it to work. It takes two. If she is opting out--then that means something isn't working. I wrote a hub about this just yesterday called Pure Love. Hope this helps.

  16. lonelygirl28 profile image56
    lonelygirl28posted 7 years ago

    well I guess reality really bites.. just try to move on and don't dwell on the past to much.. everything happens for a reason.. it doesn't matter now whose to blame on who fell out of love first, what's important is, what have you done lately to get over her rather than thinking the what might have beens? you'll survive because if you don't you'll not be asking this question now.  hahahaha.. just stay focus and reevaluate your life..

  17. profile image67
    Msgracieposted 7 years ago

    Well, DeanKeaton259,
    I understand...I have a similar situtation. This guy has been in my life twice the amount of time of your relationship. I chose to end things, but he keeps coming back.  It's not that I don't care, just that he wasn't giving the relationship the full go. He was backing away, later he tells me he was feeling too much too soon for me, after 7yrs. I keep pushing him away too because I don't want to get my hopes up and continue to be disappointed.  I think, as someone told me, you might be in a co-dependent relationship, needing the person to be around.  You also might want to think or look at why do you keep ending the relationship?  What I found out was I wasn't happy with the lack of relationship we were having duh?!! you might say, but I did like the time he and I had together but there was...no great dates, him not being responsible enough to call and cancel, instead just not showing up and so many little things that would add up into a huge mess.  For me, I've allowed him back, guess what? The same thing from past, this time though he has promised we would eventually marry, etc... but I see the guy who is around for awhile, then disappears then reappears as if days, weeks, or a couple months haven't passed.  He is stuck in the relationship I ended 2002. He wants to keep going back there. He from 2002 (Background: I've known him since 18  he 19,we're 32 33 no kids together, me none at all, we lost contact from 97-99, 99-02 together here and there, 02-05 in contact, but I said goodbye 05, he returns 07-present) to now has promised more but nothing has occured.
    So I would say if there is still same issue you had before maybe it's for the best.
    As I understand why she wants to have clean break, for me, if it wasn't to work out I understand and want no contact from me...I recently met someone new, he continues to pop up we are very connected so he knows, but I can't allow someone to feel that this is a revolving door of in and out...although he has never broke up from me, it's been me, but he puts the relationship on pause with putting other things first....So, having clean break is good, she is hurt that thinking things better/working out but you leave her, she is emotionally scared from this...not to make you feel bad, but he did somethings that have made me feel insecure... you should check my hubs and we can talk more if you like as I can give you lots of details of situation and you can compare contrast..
    By the way timeframe, hard to say, as with him, when I feel I'm getting over him he reappears, but the one you felt so good with I don't think you ever really get over, but if you can look at all the pros and cons of relationship it can help awhole lot...I don't think I'll ever truly be over  him, but I'm seeing there are others out there for me.

  18. pb3131 profile image70
    pb3131posted 7 years ago

    About 5 minutes - use this video:

  19. hubmu profile image58
    hubmuposted 7 years ago

    try 4 weeks with this guideline:
    1.Get a life, new lover etc.
    2.Concentrate on your hobby, work or else.
    3.If you religious, now it's time to know God. If your an atheist, you can study Darwinism,Theory of Evolution or even about Personalities Disorder.
    4.Write more on HubPages
    5.Purify your heart ;-)

  20. profile image53
    eldritchposted 7 years ago

    No answer to that question. Could be five minutes in some cases, other people never get over it.
    What you badly need to do is think about other stuff and other girls. The fact you posted this suggests you are placing a lot of importance on it to your life and that will hold you back unless you let go of it.

  21. ss sneh profile image60
    ss snehposted 7 years ago

    Hi!   Breakup? What's that?

    You guys often think about breaking up rather than trying to understand your partners feelings and priorities... and adjust yourself with them and have a happy married life.

    So the answer to your question is... Life Long!   -- Thanks

  22. SEXYLADYDEE profile image70
    SEXYLADYDEEposted 7 years ago

    Do you ever get over the loss of a great friend and loved one?  The end of a relationship feels like a death.  You go through different stages of mourning.  And while you learn to tell yourself and your other friends will tell you what was wrong and it will get better, it often doesn't help.

    I ended a seven year relationship abruptly when I realized it was never going to be what I wanted it to be.  He was never going to be able to give me what I needed from him and there were some very negative aspects surfacing in our friendship.  He was my best friend for a very long time.

    It's 3 years later and I still miss him sometimes.  We call one another to say hello and check in.  I became a part of his family and he became a part of mine.  I think I will always miss him and will sometimes think "what if".  But it doesn't hurt anymore.  And if that's what you are asking, it's going to hurt as long as it does.  There is no set time limit on how we feel.

    Try to maintain a positive outlook when you begin your next friendship.  Don't "fry the next one, in the last ones fat!"  It's an old Jamaican saying, don't penalize the next one because of what the last one did.  And don't assume the worse if they make one of the same mistakes the last friend made. Good luck and here's to hoping you feel better soon.


    1. bahaykubo profile image61
      bahaykuboposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      very well said, ms. dee. i love the way you explained it.

    2. morefunintondo17 profile image84
      morefunintondo17posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      relate much! Two thumbs up!

    3. profile image0
      Lucille Mooreposted 20 months agoin reply to this

      You have to break the soul ties. Many people cannot break them because we go back and renew relationships by communicating with them. I know you have to forgive, but when it bring back feeling, you have to let it go. Get a new life.

  23. profile image44
    Lisak'sposted 7 years ago

    sorry to say it takes a while. But when you do get over it you will wonder what you even worried about .
    Hang in there its kinda like giving up smoking you have to hang on and go for the ride .Kia Kaha as they say in NZ (be strong)

  24. shmeg profile image59
    shmegposted 7 years ago

    I have found when counselling people is to take it easy on yourself, date if you want, if you feel comfortable, but it is a good rule of thumb to expect it to take at least half of the length of your relationship to get back to where you are 'over' your previous one.
    No hard fast rules but accepting that you are where you need to be is a good start and move on from there... try visualising physical disconnecting and untying yourself from your previous partner.. allow some time, for meditation and grief. Even if the relationship was a bad one, it grieves us when we are apart from ex partners... even if it is the best thing possible... allow this and accept it as a normal part of 'moving on'

  25. reddog1027 profile image85
    reddog1027posted 7 years ago

    When something happens that throws you off balance, getting fired, the end of a long term relationship, cross country move, it takes at least a year, to start to settle down. 
    With me after the end of a 20 year relationship (my choice) it was close to 4 years before I actually felt I had completely gotten over it and could move on without looking back. Don't rush it but do get on with the next phase of your life.   That's my two cents worth.

    1. cam8510 profile image96
      cam8510posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Years of relationship x 12 (months/yr) ÷ sq rt of combined ages x π x 2 ÷ 12 = yrs to recovery.  The equation for this situation based on approximated ages of the broken up partners  then is 5x12÷√(26+25)xπx2÷12=4.39 years to recovery.

  26. DarkHobbes profile image55
    DarkHobbesposted 7 years ago

    I think it would depend on how the break up went, how you are feeling, and how you handle that sort of stress.

    I was in a seven year long relationship that ended and I'm still not over it. It gets a little easier every day though.
    Hang in there. You'll get through it. smile

  27. m2webs profile image60
    m2websposted 7 years ago

    It is tough question and people are different but my opinion is that it will as long as you were together with that person.

    So, if there was a truly love for 2 years then it will take 2 years to let it go forever.

    But, in many cases that has no sense. People and situations and feelings are different, so the time is smile

  28. FashionFame profile image60
    FashionFameposted 7 years ago

    It really hurts but then life is about moving on. It depends upon the reason of breakup that how much time it will take. If one has find someone new in his or her life then it might take some minutes to get over but if one has left alone then it can take some time. So go out, make more friends and try to find someone who understands your pain. I am sure you'll do it. All the Best.

  29. afrykanqwin profile image76
    afrykanqwinposted 7 years ago


    Its hard considering that she was your best friend. You did not only lose a lover but also someone who was so dear to u as a friend. Give yourself time to heal and allow yourself to come to term with the fact that it happened and you are strong enough to get over it regardless of how long it takes. Avoid rebound dating so that you dont hurt others while dealing with the whole pain of the break up. Check out my hub ...accepting and letting go to embrace the future. However long it takes, what matters is finding that peace to heal and move on.

  30. Babypushchairs profile image56
    Babypushchairsposted 7 years ago

    It depends on you and the girl. Because you have mentioned that she was your best friend. Usually, it takes a long time before you can get over. Specially that you had a deep relationship. Maybe a year or two.

  31. profile image50
    usmankhan1posted 7 years ago

    some times it just takes 1 second to break 20 year relationship, relationships are easy to make but not easy to carry on.

  32. profile image0
    carburizedposted 7 years ago

    It depends on the individual. You can not say a month or year. You need to forgivr yourself first of all. If you do not do this, you will never get over this. Secondly, you should get in a habit of doing things alone. You need to have a leadership role in you life. If you lose this, you will ge a gone case.

  33. deuxlai profile image61
    deuxlaiposted 7 years ago

    I've read from one article that it takes 3 times the time together to get over it. If it 5 years, then it'll take 15 years.

  34. Autumn Miller profile image56
    Autumn Millerposted 7 years ago

    Getting over a break up takes as long as you need it to last.  You have to take things at your own pace. If you do not feel like running out and getting into a relationship don't do it even if your friends or family are pushing you.  She needs some time also. Ending a 5 year relationship hurts no matter who ended it.

    Try not to be a buddy to your ex.  This will not help either of you get over the break up.  The situation is difficult because she was the person you could count on when you needed support.  Find some other people who can fill this void. Eventually the breakup will sting less.

    1. ogochukwu1 profile image49
      ogochukwu1posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      A break up most times cause us wear and tear. It is paramount to first of all get over yourself. Forgive the person and also forgive yourself. Don't rush into another relationship at least for 1year, take your time and be prayerful

  35. ItsThatSimple profile image57
    ItsThatSimpleposted 7 years ago

    Getting over a relationship depends on a lot of factors besides just length. Other factors are the emotional depth of the relationship,your emotional investment, and strength of the relationship. There is no set time period. There are stages you will pass through. When you get to forgiveness for your partner you'll be almost there.

  36. Gayly profile image58
    Gaylyposted 7 years ago

    Oww.. Depending on the situation and reason. Their are some relationship of 5 years but they realize long time before that  they are only trying to work things out for the sake of giving chances to their partners but the feelings gone.

  37. ThunderKeys profile image64
    ThunderKeysposted 7 years ago

    It depends on how attached you'd become, what your relationship history is like, the extent to which you grieve and your self-care skills.

  38. Tweetmom profile image74
    Tweetmomposted 6 years ago

    The time length can be a minute, an hour, a month or even 5 years but if you still go back to the reminiscing part of breakup, you will always stuck in the loop.

    There are 3 A's of Awesome. They are Attitude, Awareness and Authenticity.

    Any break up is not easy. but there is always a decision for you to choose. You can cry, grief hurt in the midst or grieving and losing or you can step up and move on with life that can always take you by surprise.

    Be aware of all the small but nice things surrounding your life. Family and friends. Peers and colleague. Waiter and waitresses. They are still around.

    The last A's of awesome would be Authenticity. Be truly to yourself. Do not do something based on what others might judge you.

    Watch a video from ted, a speaker named neil pasricha where he talks about the 3 A's of awesome.

    Cheer up.

  39. profile image50
    girly skullposted 5 years ago

    I was wanting to comment on here to see if i could get some help with my problem. I was with someone for 7 years and he left me 7 years ago. My heart still hurts and is seriously wounded. When he left 7 years ago, I never heard from him again.he moved out of state and back with his family. We were like soul mates. he wrote me letters saying he wanted me to move over to the state he was living in and then all of a sudden i never heard from him again. his sister and her boyfriend would answer the phone and tell me he was running the streets. this broke my heart. one day his mom (which never liked me no matter how hard i wanted i her to like me) answered the phone and told me not to call again and hung up. at that point i never did. i didn't date anyone for 3 years after that. i have had a couple boyfriends but i can't love them the same way as i did him. my heart aches and hurts so bad that i can't sleep at night still and i ball my eyes out. My pain in my heart hurts just as bad as it did 7 years ago..it still won't go away..i have a 2 year old and everything..i feel like sometimes i could die from a broken heart-it hurts so bad. i don't know if i'm just a stupid fool but if i had another chance with him i would..doesn't sound logical or reasonable..i thought i was over him but i don't ever think it will and the old saying that time heals all wounds-i don't believe that's true..i just really need help with this problem and i hope someone out there will really care and give me a sensible answer. thank you!

  40. Pamela N Red profile image86
    Pamela N Redposted 4 years ago

    There is no set amount of time. As someone else has already mentioned everyone is different. It depends on how long the relationship was, how deeply involved you were and what is at stake such as children.

    The best way to heal is to move on. Instead of spending time reminiscing or worrying you need to get out and meet other people. You say she was your best friend, you need to surround yourself with new friends.

    Take up a hobby, join a club, exercise but most of all keep busy and don't let your mind dwell on the break up too much.

  41. Randomovic profile image73
    Randomovicposted 4 years ago

    it's not about the period of time, sorry but you probably won't get over it untill you find someone else makes you comfortable though i don't mean find another one to get over her that would be really wrong in many levels. just leave it for time, as they say time heals every thing..

    1. Randomovic profile image73
      Randomovicposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      its been three years now .. how are you doing big_smile

  42. profile image0
    Lybrahposted 4 years ago

    There is no set time limit.  It takes however long it takes.  You just gotta ride it out.

  43. profile image0
    Michelle Widmannposted 4 years ago

    I've had a similar experience recently, although the breakup came first, and the tearing apart of our close friendship (that he caused, sort of like a breakup) came 5 years later.

    Time isn't the factor you want to ask about - it's your new experiences. You can sit in your bedroom for 10 years and wallow over how much you miss her, and that won't help anything. If you get out, try new things, date new people, hang out with friends, start a new hobby, exercise, do things that will replace your old memories with new ones and you'll be able to get over it faster.

    It's never easy. It hurt. It'll sting to look back on it and remember the good times. But all you can do is help yourself to move on. Life is short, and you want to experience it rather than letting it tear you up! smile

  44. twig22bend profile image77
    twig22bendposted 4 years ago

    The length of time of a relationship takes second place. It depends on the depth of the love and the circumstances involved in the breakup. True love is so deep you can drown in it.
    There is a saying, "Let it Go!", but sometimes you are so  traumatized and hurt that it is not easy to do. The problem is that we do not realize that the other person does not feel the same that we do.If we had of paid attention, we we would have seen it coming, (the breakup). Time heals all, or most things.

    1. XBhelliom profile image84
      XBhelliomposted 4 months agoin reply to this

      Short but it contains a lot and answered perfectly on point. Depth of love + the person = Time heals. smile

  45. ReneeDC1979 profile image60
    ReneeDC1979posted 4 years ago

    I can't give you a length of time.  But, I can tell you - you will know you are completely over the person when their name, the things you remember about them, the things they say and do, do not make you sad, angry, hurt, annoyed, or frustrated.  When you can smile and you truly feel free, you have grown from and out of that experience.

  46. Zeron87 profile image99
    Zeron87posted 4 years ago

    I feel ya man.  I was in a two-year relationship and didn't think I'd ever get over it.  Just like you, she was also my best friend.  I trained her how to do some of the activities we did religiously together...  From my experience, no matter the length or depth of the relationship, the best way to move on is to replace the negative memories created from the break-up with positive ones.  Nothing can replace memories but memories.  And how to you create those memories:  try dating someone else, preferably someone with interests similar to your own.  Accept that the new person won't be like your ex (and embrace that too, after all, you guys broke-up for a reason, right?), and just start from square one with someone else.  The new happiness you gain from the effort will be worth it, and you will supplant the gap left in your heart.

  47. Borsia profile image44
    Borsiaposted 4 years ago

    There is no real answer to your question.
    It will depend largely on whether you are the one who wanted it to end.
    There is also the amount of pre-breakup break up IE: mental detachment that goes on before the actual break up.
    I got over the end of a 27 year relation in about 10 minutes + the time it took to actually do property division and moving. But the relation had been a dead horse for years. The total time we actually discussed the fact that we were breaking up was during a commercial break in a TV show, still had plenty of time to go to the bathroom and get a snack.
    But it was a long time before I entered into another relationship.

  48. Jana Rudisill profile image60
    Jana Rudisillposted 4 years ago

    It took me 11 years to trust again after I divorced my abusive first husband. It will vary from person to person. One will 'get over' a relationship at their own pace, and it will depend on many factors.

    1. Was that person ready to 'tie the knot' and you were not yet ready? What was the cause of the break-up?

    2. Did your life-style depend on the relationship? Had her friends become your friends, and now you feel awkward about contacting them?

    These and many more factors will come into play as to how long it will take you to get over a long term relationship. Perhaps a new relationship will help heal that 'wound' permanently.

  49. The Reminder profile image77
    The Reminderposted 4 years ago

    I was in a five year relationship and it took me about six months to get through it. But it all depends on how deep your relationship was.

  50. Darrell Roberts profile image70
    Darrell Robertsposted 4 years ago

    I feel for you my friend, that must hurt.

    The length of time that it would take to move forward depends on you.  Dwelling on the relationship and getting depressed will lengthen the process.  Understanding that 1. Not everything is in our control, 2. People and relationships change over time is very important to moving forward. 

    I know when I am depressed, I return to loving God, because God is always there and would never abandon me no matter how I change.  Only the love of God heals my pain, and I am always moving forward. 

    My friend I wish you the best.  I hope you have faith that there is better coming for you, and stay strong.