What is the best time to reveal...

1. 60

   days leaperposted 7 years ago

   What is the best time to reveal...
   
   1. your impotence.
   2 ailments that may affect the relationship or friendship.
   
   Too soon may scare someone off.
   yet the saying 'The longer you leave something the tougher it can become to reveal".
   And who wants lastminute embarrasments, disappointments etc.
   So, when is the best time. And how would you approach the subject?

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2. 62

   stanzyyposted 7 years ago

   Hello dear days leaper,
   In my opinion, there is no perfect or ideal time for a affair like that.
   Every person is different, reacts different and has his own unique character. So, if you come close to a person, you' ll the only one you can understand the right time to reveal your worries. Later from certain constructive discussions about youselves and life, I consider that it could be an appropriate moment to express your fears. Only with discussion you'll be able to see how it' ll continue this situation.

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   1. 60

      days leaperposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      yes. I thought Id jumped the starters gun as soon as i hit the wrong button on facebook. I wanted to read it first, and never thought to do this in word.

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3. 84

   arksysposted 7 years ago

   at the start, be open and clear if you know it. you will face a lot more rejections in the initial phase but you will find some who don't mind the issues you have and those are the ones who will last in the long haul. If you tell them after they get to know you then you'll just be waiting for them to leave you, and sooner or later it will happen, which could make you feel worse about your condition and lead you into severe depression.
   
   the first thing is to get comfortable with your imperfections and learn to talk about it as if it is not a big deal for you. spit it out on your first date and ask them if it would be a problem for them. if its a problem, you walk away and try again. if it isn't a problem, its all good from the start.

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   1. 60

      days leaperposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      A very mature way to deal with something like this. And I first thought the same. But a similar experience with an early forming friendship seems to have left a large elephant in the room, and a pain in my gut like a force 9 hurricaine!

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   2. 84

      arksysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      oh i hate that feeling, and a tight spot to be in. communication is the way to go. If it is meant to be then no one can stop it. i'm here if you need any kind of support. I wish you the best of luck.

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4. 80

   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   
   
   It's not so much about the time but rather the direction the new relationship seems to be heading in.
   If there is NO (mutual romantic interest) there is no need to run down all of your aliments.  Should you become best friends and decide to confide in them down the road that's the normal.
   However if it's clear that this person is harboring "romantic feelings" towards you after having spent some time with them then you should let them know by explaining you have some health issues before things go too far emotionally.
   I would start off by saying: "I want to make sure you are aware of some things about me before things progress too much between us. Awhile back I learned I was....etc"
   Then I would tell them what I have done to learn to cope with it and not have it destroy every area of my life.
   Afterwards I would tell them that I wouldn't blame them if they decided that I wasn't "the one" for them or chose to be "platonic friends".
   Essentially leave the ball in their court to decide whether they want to explore the relationship further. An impotent man may come across a woman who has no interest in sex and is simply looking for companionship. Age, timing, desire are often determining factors.
   Having said that I don't believe your health issues should be automatic "first date" conversation. Most first dates are (only dates)!
   It's not necessary to walk around with a rubber stamp of "impotence" on your forehead. Every relationship starts off with both people hiding behind "brick walls" of defense and over time each person removes one brick at a time as they begin to (trust) the other.
   One reveals privacy concerns based upon (their) comfort level.
   You're under no obligation to take out a full page ad in newspapers or make announcements about your health to everyone you say hello to or share a meal with.
   Nevertheless the goal is not to mislead anyone.
   If a woman has made it known she wants to give birth to children you have two options. Reveal you're impotent or tell her early on you have no desire to have children. Either way (she) is not "the one".

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   1. 84

      arksysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      agreed... i guess do it before the emotional investment starts in the relationship.

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   2. 60

      days leaperposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I was never interested in bringing a child into a world like this, nor would I have been much help to them with all that Ive had going on.  I like your analagies, and must ask is any of it from a book. If not write one -Please!

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