Kids

1. 0

   AdviceDoctorposted 14 years ago

   Did you ever wonder why the hell you had kids? I'm trying to figure this one out right now. When I got up this morning and went downstairs, I walked into a huge argument between my two teenagers, and they were arguing about WHO GOT THE COOLER SPOON!
   Those are fourteen and sixteen year old teenagers, thank you very much. At that time, I started wondering why the hell I got into this stuff.
   
   Why the hell did you guys have kids?

   replyreport
   1. 62

      prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      they are gifts to me, they always make me smile, not always when they do those stuff, but life make sense because I have them, when I am lazy or sad, I just look at them and they make me happier too, they are my everything

      replyreport
      1. 0

         AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Of course, mine are also and will always be my everything. I mean, I'd give up my job, which pays over $1500 on a good day for them. That's a lousy example, but it's all I got. They just sometime make no sense.

         replyreport
         1. 62

            prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            oh believe me, one day you will know they make sense, and you never regret what you did, giving up the money for them,
            
            hugs AdviceDoctor,

            replyreport
   2. 0

      Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      becasue the docotor was wrong.
      my oldest daughter quite literaly saved my life tho.

      replyreport
2. 66

   Ivorwenposted 14 years ago

   I thought my kids were the only ones who argued over spoons!  And they don't even like the nice ones -- they like the junk ones I keep around for taking on the road. 
   
   Thanks for the laugh.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      This is not the only thing they argue about. I get home from work sometimes, and one of them maybe has taken the coushions from the living room couch or something because the other one refuses to give up the remote to the TV, but still, we have 8 TV's in this house - And those two are both honor students!
      
      It never seems to stop amazing me how stupid kids can be.

      replyreport
      1. 66

         Ivorwenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         There is a reason I keep a cover on the couch. 
         
         Still, I love them, no matter what, and the schizophrenia... yes, I understand that too.  But, your a big boy, and you know how to handle yourself.  The little people don't have to control you.

         replyreport
      2. 76

         starme77posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         They're not stupid , they're just kids , life is full of learning , we learn evry day , from the time we're born  until the day we die. It makes sense then that we all grow through stages on our journey to become as wise as we can be, a teenager, isn't stupid , just at a different stage in life than you and me. lacking knowledge, which is only gained through living life, 14 and 16 years isn't much living yet.

         replyreport
3. 59

   abcd1111posted 14 years ago

   I always say, "You have to have kids to know you don't want them."
   
   Naturally it's not about the spoons or the remote or whatever. It's about driving you CRAZY.
   
   Of course we love them and would do anything for them. But it's okay to bitch about 'em when they are totally irrational.
   
   Just remember they're giving you material to write about and when you look back, it will all seem amusing.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Are you kidding me? Driving me crazy? THEY DRIVE ME INSANE! And I have a 4 year old with ADD and ADHD on top of those two.
      I'm a psychiatrist, and I'm seriously seeing symptoms of schizophrenia in myself. I'm thinking about writing a hub about stupid things they've done, but I'm not sure people would really read about other peoples kids, lol.

      replyreport
      1. 61

         Sybil Marieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         LOL Advice I can so relate to you! Mine are 14 and 23 and both are asbergers! Soo it can be fun around our house! They both think they know everything about politics.., when they get started I just get out of the way LOL! Never thought I'd be saying "okay kids take it outside" When I was talking about a political debate.

         replyreport
         1. 0

            AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            They have asperger syndrome? I LOVE kids with asbergers! I've worked with a bunch of them. Although they do sometimes get a bit hard to talk with.. Focus too much.
            
            Believe it or not, my kids do get into political debates too, although probably neither of them know who the vice president of the US is. And I'm the only one dealing with this, my wife is a Junior High teacher, so I'm not putting our kids on her hands too.
            
            I say we all deserve a nice weekend off.

            replyreport
            1. 61

               Sybil Marieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Yes my kids are great,The younger one is either going to be a scientist or a politician.., he is amazing the things he comes up with. We were driving in the car when he was 8yrs old and all of a sudden he turned to me and said, "You know, we are our brain" WHAT he was 8!

               replyreport
               1. 0

                  AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  I have a patien with Asp, and he's always telling me those theories, and he was acutally he once who convinced me religion is just total bullshit. I LOVE kids with Aspergers.

                  replyreport
      2. 61

         double_frickposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         ahhhhh
         i see myself in your shoes in 10 years! but i feel that way already, and my kids aren't even past the 5 mark yet!
         
         and LOL @ having to have kids before knowing you don't want them!
         people who dont have kids don't understand, heck, even people who have kids that are just grown up don't even seem to understand! they do drive me bonkers, or should i say, the responsibilities of parenting AND their antics, screaming, whining, fighting, rebelling. ack. how will i handle the teen years?! (and my kids are pretty "good" kids)

         replyreport
4. 61

   Daniel Carterposted 14 years ago

   I have a friend who says:
   "Kids are punishment for enjoying sex."
   
   I laugh, but totally disagree. My kids, now both married as of this summer, boy and girl, still argue with each other over the stupidest things. When they were teens, I would say it's better for them to solve the argument than for me to do it, because if I do it, they definitely won't like the outcome. So they did learn some negotiating skills, which at times actually kick in even now.
   
   I used to call them my "two entities of pubic-hormonal stress." They ask me if I still say that about them and I reassure them I don't. I love them and their totally freaky friends. They are all fun "peeps." And I'm proud of all of them for being good, descent human beings. In the worst arguments, I would reassure myself that I had it good because no one was pregnant, or causing pregnancy, no one was calling to be bailed out of jail, and they weren't prone to making trouble, only finding it.
   
   As one of my kids turned 20 there was a really bad stretch of alcohol addiction, drugs and annorexia. That made the arguments look pretty insignificant. Now that child is sober and clean, and has a great job and is being groomed for upward movement. She is married to a fantastic guy. But cleaning all this up came with a price, but she is happy and loved and she is grateful for her good life.
   
   And so am I.
   
   Let'em argue and enjoy it by laughing in their faces and reminding them how silly this is all going to sound in 10 or 15 years.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You are definitely more optimistic than I am. I feel like I'm raising a couple of serial killers. But hey -- They can't turn out that bad. I grew up with a horrible mother who put me and my siblings third, and at my wedding she said "I'm so glad you're marrying a woman."
      
      I turned out OK. Can't do worse with my kids.

      replyreport
      1. 61

         Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         For what it's worth, I was pretty uptight for a lot of years. I went through two divorces, only had kids in the first one, but 5 step-kids the second one. Long story, nightmarish, etc. blah, blah. I had to learn what was important to address and what was just background noise. Otherwise, it's all just crazy-making.
         
         I take it you are a raging Type A personality like I have been. Driven, driven, driven. Too detail oriented and actually obsessive compulsive to some degree. So in time I learned what to address and had to learn the pain of relaxing through stuff that isn't important. I was actually driven crazy by a lot of things, and was on a boat load of meds as well. That was a trip to Pluto and back to get off all of it and figure out health and sanity. But I'm level and well for 4.5 years, now, and it's been a horrific, wonderful and enlightening adventure. Not all bad, and not all good. I've learned a lot about brain and body function, but I am obviously not qualified as you are. But the knowledge has paid off in consulting with good, qualified medical professionals who helped piece my health back together, as well as my emotional and mental well-being. It's worth the trip down the unsure path, when you've got facts to support.
         
         Kids are another adventure. We have to raise and teach and protect them, but in the end, we are training them to take care of themselves. We want to give that job of care-taking up when it's time. Some of us as parents never learn the "giving it up" part.

         replyreport
         1. 0

            AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I am a very very angry man. And you were completely right about all the other stuff.
            
            I'm happy you're off the pills. Pills don't do anything except melt your brain down (and I say that having given 5 perscriptions just yesterday.. Am I a hypocrite or what?)

            replyreport
            1. 61

               Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Nope, you're not a hypocrite. You're trying to help people by giving them what they want. They would fight you if you didn't. However, there are those of us who really wanted to see if we could have a good life without all the synthetic drugs, and I count myself as lucky to have come this far.
               
               I know the anger, too. But after losing everything twice, I had to decide if I wanted to continue to live, and if I did, what do I truly believe (aside from all the crap I was told to believe) and what is it I want out of life. Possessions are nice and they are important for a good quality of life. But I've lost them all twice, and so it's not about loss, it's about right now. Is my life good right now? And it is. And I'm having serendipitous experiences in regaining so many possessions that I thought were lost forever. It's nice. I let go of the anger and hatred and it's starting to come back.
               
               And it is. I've regained a lot of wonderful things, and I'm not so encumbered with possessions that I can't enjoy travel and a lot of other things. And people are more important to me. I have to learn to take myself far less seriously, and I do the same for other toxic people. I laugh in their faces far more often. Not so much in mockery but in a "you can't be serious" kind of way.
               
               At some point, you'll want to address the root issues of your anger. But it never has to happen until you're ready. You'll know when. It's not fun, but it is worth it.
               
               You're a good guy. I'm enjoying your posts and hubs. Glad you're with us.

               replyreport
               1. 0

                  AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  I'm going to give you a little shrink compliment.. It's basically the only way I know how to compliment people anymore. If you were my patient, I would be so proud of you.
                  
                  I acutally know the roots of my anger. My mom put me and my siblings third, fifth after she got her new husband and her affair. My dad is a 5 star alcholic who is barely known with a drink in his hand, but yet, he somehow manages to keep a job and a wife, and you know why? Because "God" takes care of drunks and fools. My mother got married for the 6th time last year, after cheating on yet another husband, honestly, the woman is 55 years old, I don't understand how she always manages to have 2 guys in her life at once. When I was a kid, I never had a stable environment because everything I ever did was moving and moveing and moving. I have lived in 19 states, thank you very much, but this was not because we needed money.. We didn't need money, my mom is an ortho surgeon, we did this because every time she would get "bored with our house", she bought a new one, so I don't have any childhood friends. My oldest friend, I have known him since I was 24.
                  
                  Good to get that off my chest.. There's plenty more but I don't wanna waste your time any longer, Daniel.

                  replyreport
                  1. 61

                     Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     For what it's worth, I had a good shrink who helped me see what I do today. But I had to take the reigns and make it work. So, thank you for the compliment, because I think you're right on the mark.
                     
                     I learned that I needed to forgive not for the sake of the other person (I don't like the abusers even to this day, but I don't have issues with them, either. It's just neutral.) but for my own sake. Once the forgiveness takes place and the anger goes, then I am finally free to not be chained to them any longer and I walk away and live a happier life. Forgiveness is the toughest thing in the world for me, but I keep working on it.
                     
                     I'm not preaching, just saying what my experience has been.

                     replyreport
5. 0

   TMinutposted 14 years ago

   Mine fought over the cool spoon too!

   replyreport
6. 59

   abcd1111posted 14 years ago

   Quote from ADVICE: "Are you kidding me? Driving me crazy? THEY DRIVE ME INSANE! And I have a 4 year old with ADD and ADHD on top of those two.
   I'm a psychiatrist, and I'm seriously seeing symptoms of schizophrenia in myself. I'm thinking about writing a hub about stupid things they've done, but I'm not sure people would really read about other peoples kids, lol."
   
   One of my boys has ADD as well. I can totally relate to the challenges of that.  We would get everybody in the car, pull out of the driveway and he'd be complaining, "I'm BORED!."
   
   I think other people would enjoy hearing some of your stories. Everybody comes from a family and can relate to the conflicts that come from that. As long as you write from a place of love and humor, others will come along for the ride.
   
   Personally I'm thrilled to hear a psychiatrist has the same trouble dealing with these issues as anybody else!  I figured the professionals would have all the right answers and the ability to cope with a soothing reassurance.  Just goes to show the power of kids and our frailties as parents.
   
   When our boys were little and arguing over every toy in the house, my husband would tell me (not the boys) he was going to take each toy and smash it with a hammer in front of them.  Sometimes it helps to commiserate your frustration.  I never did have to hide the hammer.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      When it comes to parenting, I'm as lost as the next dad, but yet, I specialize in children & teenagers. And my wife barely helps me, she's a jr high teacher, and her answer to everything is "I have 30 - 40 insane pre teens in a 50 ft classroom all day, when I get home, it's my time off."
      
      The smash toy with a hammer works for some kids, but it's not a very good solution, because some kids take it as a threat and eventually will build up a certain amount of rage and fear towards the parent.
      
      I'm personally hoping my little guy with ADD will eventually become physically exhausted and just not have the energy for all this anymore, but I guess that's a dead hope for me.. I've been hoping that since he was 2. The only way to get him down is to give him chips and a Capri Sun and turn on the Simpsons!

      replyreport
7. 59

   abcd1111posted 14 years ago

   Please understand we never did take a hammer to the toys. I know that would have been abusive.
   
   My point was, my husband would be frustrated by the fighting and he would imagine doing that. He would never actually do it.
   
   As far as watching the Simpsons, it's one of the most intelligent programs out there, so have at it!
   
   Whatever works.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I figured you guys hadn't actually done it. Not many parents do it, because it's a psychological issue for parents as well. You start feeling like the bad guy, you get guilt and you want to do something for your kid instead, which gets the kid confused, which might get the child to start doing a whole bunch of stuff to get you to break it's toys so you'll take him or her to the zoo or the movies or something.
      
      See, I can twist everything around.
      
      And yes, I love the Simpsons. Except for some of the language there.. Like my boy came up to me when he was 2 and said "Eat my shorts dad, you're an ass." And I was like.. "Thanks honey"

      replyreport
8. 0

   Wendi Mposted 14 years ago

   Too funny AdviceDoctor.
   
   I used to attribute it to brief moments of insanity!  However, my children are 24, 21 and 14...therefore, due to the ten year spread, I should be deemed certifiably insane.
   
   It gets better with time...really it does!

   replyreport
9. 57

   Confused Motherposted 14 years ago

   I didn't want to be a mom, my point was why bring more children into this screwed up world. Then someone told me maybe your child will have a part in changing it. So I think about that and I raise my children to be polite and respectful. I am not perfect and believe me they both were not planned but they are here and I am grateful for them. I just hope that they are productive people in society when they grow up and are good people.   They are both young still, still able to get on my last nerve but you all have given me insight into my future with them as teenagers. I am sure I will have moments when I wonder why the hell I had children and I do now when like when I am up with a kid fussing in the middle of the night. Doesn't he know I have to get up and go to work. =0)

   replyreport
10. 84

    wychicposted 14 years ago

    I had a kid because I got pregnant. The real question is, why the heck do I want another one???
    
    My son is going to be four in a couple of days, and once he got past the horrible two-year-old stage he's been just a dream...he loves to learn, behaves well, and even when he gets upset he usually calms down and listens to reasoning very quickly. When he needs to blow off some energy, I send him outside with the equally energetic puppy so they can run each other ragged. He gets along great with other kids, especially little girls that are smaller than him (got to watch out for the little people)
    
    However, my other half has decided to curse me for the other kid...what is typically the mother's curse but my mom didn't have the heart to put on me, he has reiterated many times for me. If the next kid is truly just like me, she will be a little ADHD hellion that won't keep clothes on until school age, can't sit still for more than ten minutes at a time before she graduates high school, and has to be extremely vocal and stubborn about everything.
    
    Maybe I just haven't been a parent long enough to know better? My SO also says that one never really knows what it's like to be a parent until you have two or more, one doesn't count, so that could be it too. It could just be that I don't have an obsessive, perfectionist personality and right now the argument for the cooler spoon is still fairly age-appropriate for my son

    replyreport
    1. 0

       AdviceDoctorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       You wanna trade 4 year olds? Mine has ADD and ADHD, but he's .. quiet .

       replyreport
11. 60

    bojanglesk8posted 14 years ago

    Youth is wasted on the young.

    replyreport