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How to Survive Grief When Your Loved One Dies

Updated on March 5, 2013

Life is unpredictable, sometimes we are happy sometimes we are lonely, but no matter what life might offer, let us face tomorrow with bliss, hope and love.

How to overcome sorrow and loneliness when the person you love dies. Angst seem imminent especially when you are at the lowest point of life when someone you love succumbed to illness, accident or tragedy. A twist of fate will surely cast a deep pain and sorrow, heart pounding it can be, it will surely leave a deep wound that will heal indefinitely depending on who experiences it react. This nature of man is normal though, it is our way of showing our genuine love and compassion to the person that made a lasting memorable moments in our life and the only thing what leave us, is the fond memories to treasure. You will surely reminisce all the unforgettable time shared with the deceased love one, as you recall great things you had with, through thick and thin, through great laughter and loneliness, and alas, through success and failures.

Grief is normal to occur especially to the bereaved ones, and the author of this hub is indeed grieving with the people that is now facing difficult times trying to shake-off the trauma brought by the feeling of losing someone. Two years ago, I also experienced the same feeling especially when I lost my childhood sister, she is not a perfect sister one could wish to have with, but still the great things we've shared will forever have a space in my heart and mind. She was a victim of injustice wherein his husband deserted her in lieu of her mistress and what is more painful is that he was an irresponsible father to his two children, and adding salt to the injury my sister died as she experienced excruciating pain trying to overcome the stomach cancer she had extracted. This was a truly painful experience our family must go through, for my sister was healthy and bubbly then, but her cancer reduced her to a pulp, she was so skinny as if she is malnourished. The cancer that struck my sister was menacing and I pity my sister so much, I wish I could bear the pain with her. The trials she had undergone is also adding to great pain and hurt, what a husband that she had... Ungrateful, my sister's husband done a lot of unfairness in life and I feel sorry for him for I know what he had done to my sister will always bother him while he lives.

Here are some symptoms of grieving that could happen to a bereaved person:

1. Initial shock, disbelief, denial, emotional numbness, guilt feelings and anger are the initial reactions of people who suffered a loss of love one.

2. Signs of acute grief may consists of: memory loss, extreme fatigue, erratic moods, indecisiveness, tend to keep on crying spontaneously, changes in appetite which can result to weight reduction or gain, disturbing health, inability to work with efficiency, lethargic and hallucinations of seeing, feeling and hearing the deceased loved one, irrational resentment can be seen to your spouse with the loss of a child.

3. Sadness with mix of nostalgia, recalling great memories of the deceased spiced with humor.

Here are some deaths of love one that could cause trauma:

1. Most mothers that experienced miscarriage and stillbirths will likely experience terrible trauma. The frustrations they have, might escalate if she feels that her husband do not sympathize with her.

Normal as it is, husband might not feel the same sympathy the way his partner does; although he is also feeling grief and feel sorry with the fate that occurred unexpectedly. In this trying times, the husband and wife should suffer together and share their grief to settle any differences with how they feel with the loss of the child. Hiding sorrow in the part of the husband may cause severe anxiety as far as the wife is concerned.

Empathy could be the key to cushion the impact of facing and dealing with the death of a child, and it should be shared equally within the couple.

2. Losing a spouse will often cause trauma, and the pain it could inflict depends on how deep the couple lived together happily throughout the years of how much they shared love, care and compassion. Sincere friends could play a vital role to a bereaved person. Seek comfort in your friends, talk to them, seek help and weep with them, these things will help in easing out the pain that is shattering your heart with grief (that is always capable of subduing the fainted one).

Here are some tips that could help a bereaved person overcome grief

1. Rely on friends - Real friends in times of troubles or not, will always be ready to lend a helping hand and will not hesitate to give you comfort through kind words and deeds, that will indeed give the much-needed lift to help you pull through.

2. Don't forget to take good care of your health - Prolonged exposure to grief will create bad impact to your well-being, physically and emotionally. Do your best to maintain a healthy diet (even if it is difficult go ahead think of what is what you have recently, your current kids, relatives and friends are still there to give cheers and joys in life). It will also be a good idea to have daily exercise and having enough if not ample rest, for these will help you become persistent and resilient and enduring present and future pain.

3. The art of doing nothing -The beginning of grief is indeed one of the most difficult situation one should encounter and this stage it makes the bereaved person lackadaisical with decisions that should be made. Major decisions should be delayed or postponed for now. Remember that this is the time where all of your guards are at its lowest and you might create decisions that you will regret later. Hard decisions like selling properties or making tough and very vital decisions should be done later in life and the way to do it is to take your time. Make firm decisions when the smoke of battle with grief died down, and when you think you are ready to face the world with a smile on your face (which is difficult to do though) and very capable and sharp just like before, this is the ripe time to make those important decisions.

3. Have patience - Grief will lasts longer if you are exposed to the things that might hinder the healing process, and will remind you of a deceased love one. Pictures with fond memories, songs, smells and other things that might cause rivers of tears to flow. It should be you which can decide whether to keep them or not, but as far as I'm concerned suppressing them from your sight might be helpful.

4. Stay away from vices especially vices - Shun away from drugs (prescribed ones) or alcohol, these craps will only give you temporary relief. You have to hold the bull by its horn, in other words, don't let grief topple you face it with sheer might, patience and endurance, not by finding solace with medication and/or alcohol which can only delay the hurtful grieving process.

5. Live life just like the good old days - C'mon go out from your lair avoid getting shellacked will yah. Hang out with dear friends, or perhaps do some gardening, shopping and engaging with interesting and exciting activities that will lessen the pain brought by grieving. Keep yourself busy and this is one way of escaping the grip of angst, that is grief, so as to speak.

6. Unleash acute grief with sheer might - Release the pain you have but keep the fond memories.

7. Move on - Last but definitely not the least, worry no more, things will fall the way you want it to be and this is indeed doable. Move on and worry no more. Life is worth living.

I hope this hub would help in a way...

As this piece is a tribute to the two Great Hubbers who were bereaved with the loss of loved one and to my Sister whom we missed so much already at home. My sincere condolence to the two of you great Hubbers...

My seventeenth hub in the November HubChallenge (Third Batch)...

Comments

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    • profile image

      Nis 

      6 years ago

      I loss my son in an accident 45 days ago...he was 7 years of age...a loving child full of love...I mis him every day...

    • Angela Blair profile image

      Angela Blair 

      6 years ago from Central Texas

      Excellent advice. For me, personally, after losing my son I just wanted to be alone to try and work my way through it -- social situations were too hard for me. He passed away a year ago today and my heart is still so heavy -- I've had to recognize one never, ever gets over losing a child but one can learn to live with it. It's amazing the resourcefulness of the human mind. Great Hub and voted up. Best, Sis

    • profile image

      odette 

      6 years ago

      My sister passed away sunday from aml diagnosed on tuesday. I cannot put the hurt into words, I am not sure I will survive this.

    • profile image

      Danesa 

      6 years ago

      I lost my Mother few months ago and I've been feeling guilty about that. Reading the symptoms of grieving posted here made feel better.

      I will try the steps recommended.

    • Moms-Secret profile image

      Lissette 

      7 years ago from Central Florida

      They are difficult steps to take...

      I use hubs to express the debilitating pain.

    • GeneralHowitzer profile imageAUTHOR

      Gener Geminiano 

      8 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

      THis is built for you my dear Craz, when I did this hub it reminds me of your grief with the loss of your great father...

    • profile image

      Crazdwriter 

      8 years ago

      This is a great hub, General. Has great advice and very touching, definitely written from the heart.

    • GeneralHowitzer profile imageAUTHOR

      Gener Geminiano 

      8 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

      Appreciate your comments thanks a lot for the visit...

    • shamelabboush profile image

      shamelabboush 

      8 years ago

      God forbid that happens, I will shun away and try to be as far as possible from frequent reminders for a while. I have a small heart and I might die if I sit to remember and grieve... Well written hub GH. Appreciate your efforts.

    • GeneralHowitzer profile imageAUTHOR

      Gener Geminiano 

      8 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

      Thank you very dohn for the generous comment and spending time to visit my hub...

      Life is indeed worth living...

    • dohn121 profile image

      dohn121 

      8 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Great advice, GH. This is perhaps the toughest subject we as a people must endure in life. You said it best here:

      Life is worth living.

      Great hub, my friend.

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