Would you help someone who keeps making the same mistakes when you know no one e

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   tinkerbell09posted 15 years ago

   Would you help someone who keeps making the same mistakes when you know no one else can help?

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2. 79

   advisor4qbposted 15 years ago

   If the person cannot help themselves, then yes.  But one thing I have learned over the years is that people develop a "learned helplessness" if they are continually "helped" or "rescued" by another person.  Not only do they drain that other person of their own right to a happy life (in extreme cases, such as narcissistic marriages), but they never learn to stand on their own two feet.  If this person is your underage child, you do have a certain responsibility to teach them to be self-sufficient, because the world will not treat them the way you do when you are gone.  So the question is really, am I helping this person or am I teaching them that I will do it all for them while they sit back and do nothing.  If you have worry lines since knowing the person, while they still retain a youthful appearance and infantile attitude, you may need to re-evaluate your priorities...

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   Wingriderposted 15 years ago

   I have to agree with advisor4qb. You have to be careful HOW you help someone. Trying to do it for them is not really helping them. If they aren't willing to learn anything from you or take constructive criticism chances are good you're not really helping them anyhow. And yes narcissistic people will suck the life out of you if you get too close. You probably need to have a "heart to heart" with this person before making any final decisions.

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   dana825posted 15 years ago

   You might have to consider the possibility that the reason nobody else will help that person is because that person only wants attention. That person may say they want help but they don't really want it. And if they never have to fix their own mistakes then they will never grow as a person. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is let them out of the nest and watch them try to fly.

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   Lady_Eposted 15 years ago

   Yes.  I would continue to help.  This will take a lot of patience but I will see them through until they no longer make those mistakes.  It might take time, but we'll get there.
   (I think sometimes the level of patience you have also depends on how dear that person is to you).

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6. 56

   tinkerbell09posted 15 years ago

   Thank you for your feedback.  All of you made valid points.  Its something that I've noticed in life that there are a lot of people out there that take advantage of their loved ones or someone who is just trying to get "the helpless one" back on their feet.  I live by the golden rule: "Do unto other as you would have done unto you" or a different variation of the quote, but you get what I mean.  So I know if I ask someone for help and they help me, not only will I be grateful and humbled, but I would also return the favor if and when they needed it, granted that I am able to.  So again, thanks for the feedback.

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   mzronnyposted 15 years ago

   When helping people you have to be more than careful. Yes people take advantage of others just because they can. Some people continue to make the same mistakes over and over because they don't want to change their life around. They are comfortable with those mistakes but they want someone else to bail them out when the time comes. I personally have stopped helping people because I see the pattern. Yes they get mad. But they get over it. I refuse to enable someone to be irresponsible.

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   lfschrawyer1posted 15 years ago

   I believe all people are teachable, sounds simple, yet it is really more complex that one would think. The way I raised my daughter and the way I taught my clients to remain teachable is as different as night and day. With my daughter I engaged her in activities that required her to think for herself, which increased her knowledge base. I told her she did not have to agree with my beliefs, however she did have to show me she had developed a workable way to reach the goals in her life.
   
   With my substance abuse dependent clients, I had to gain their trust first and foremost. Then divide them up into groups and give them an assignment which was attainable. Develop a way in which they as masters of their own world could teach each other how to remain teachable. It worked out really well, most saw right away that they did have what it takes to problem solve, as well as make sound decisions for themselves. Others were a little slower to catch on, however when they did you would have thought they invented brainstorming. To me all people deserve to be treated with kindness, dignity, and respect. The difficult task with this is, there are people will not accept being treated that way. These are the folks you have to let go of, give to God if you will, or else they will drag you down with them if you allow them to.

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