Why won't my ADHD/ODD/OCD son learn from parent discipline, school discipline or natural...
How do you discipline your son? When I was younger a friends' aunt came to live with them. She was handicapped and couldn't move around very well. She had a young son who was ADD and took advantage of the fact that he could act up and when she tried to spank him, he'd run away.
Then he moved in with my friends family and that didn't work anymore. He'd raise a hand to his cousin or one of us and well, he couldn't run from us. An interesting thing happened though. Over time he got to know us better and started admiring us, I have to wonder why now, but then it just seemed natural. After a while when he started having problems, we'd just ask him if he needed to sit in the corner for a while. Since he knew we could make him sit in the corner no matter what he did, he'd usually stop his behavior or at most have to spend 15 min staring at a wall.
I'm making a total assumption right now, but my assumption is that your son doesn't have much of a relationship with you or anyone in authority positions. Rather than being able to leverage your relationship with him in an attempt to moderate his behavior, he probably holds you and anyone else in authority with contempt, which is why the discipline part isn't working.
As for what you can do, well going a little in the boot camp direction would probably help. Setting definite limits with him and penalizing him for crossing those limits is a must. Once he realized you're serious, then his behavior should moderate. The second part is just as important. Once he knows you mean what you say, you have to develop a relationship with him. Find out about your son. What does he like and why? What kinds of questions does he really have that he's embarrassed to ask anyone? (I believe that question to be one of the most important, I know when I was a teen I had a lot of questions I didn't feel right asking anyone. It would have been nice to have someone I trusted enough to be able to do so.)
Finally understand that you may not be the person he can trust enough to do this with. It can take a long time to build trust, especially if you've made missteps as a parent. One thing at a time. Set limits and let him know you're serious, then go from there.
One reason is that a child with all three of those disorders can't always learn the same ways other children do. There's a reason he has been diagnosed with those three disorders, and there's a cause at the root of his having them. He's living with something different going on in his brain that makes a whole lot things in life more difficult for him.
Kids with ADHD often act impulsively, so even if they've learned the "rules" they often can't/don't stop and think before acting (and doing something against the rules, or good sense). If adults are using the wrong kind of discipline (either for a kid with these three different problems or even a kid without them) kids get "all disciplined out" and stop bothering to try to please adults or do what's right. If a kid lives under too much stress (and these disorders, by themselves, are all stressful to a child who has them) that can make learning "rules" or keeping "natural consequences" in mind hard to do.
I'm guessing you already do this, but the best thing a parent of such a child can do is make sure he is getting help from a trained therapist and ask that therapist about the best and most effective ways to help this child at home and in school.
Even with kids who don't have these problems, learning is generally done best when parents and teachers focus on understanding the child, rather than on discipline. With a child who struggles with a brain or brain chemicals that cause or result from these disorders, the understanding what works best with the child is even more of a challenge to parents. That's why professional guidance is so important.
adhd discipline, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder adhd, adhd teen, adhd parenting, If I had been told that I would be the mother of a wonderful, smart, handsome boy, I would have been thrilled and excited with my new role. If I had been told that this same wonderful, smart, handsome boy... read more
by jodyjaneyccck 6 years ago
My son was punished by his father for wetting his pants by "squeezing his penis really hard."...Would you agree that this is abuse? I know every parent will eventually overreact to something their child has done in negative way; I dont think this is just a case of yelling or spanking over...
by Karen Ann 7 years ago
I am a young mother of three, I had my first child when I was 18, my second at 19 and my third at 30. Firstly, I was brought up in a large dutch reformed family. My father was extremely strict, but plain old mean! I wasnt spanked but beaten. When I had my children I vowed never to lay a hand on...
by Elena 7 years ago
For those in second relationships, do you allow your partner to discipline your kids?I mean kids that you had with someone in a previous relationship.
by Kim Kennedy 2 years ago
What would you do if you saw someone smack a child?Out shopping, I challenged a grandmother who smacked her toddler grandchild alongside me, because he was whingeing. We ended up having a row in the street, which I've never done with anyone before. How would you have acted?
by Owl In The Barn 3 years ago
Where was ADHD in the 80s when I was at school?I honestly believe that ADHD is lack of discipline. It was not about in the 80s when I was at school. Its the governments fault and pharmacy's are making millions off drugs they feed the poor kids. Its also a comfort zone to be mollycoddled. We had the...
by loopylou2012 6 years ago
can anyone tell me more about oppositional defiant disorder because i think my son has this but im not sure and i need help. Finding out stories of parents whose children have this condition would be a big help, thank you.
Copyright © 2019 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|