What causes "mid life crisis" and how does one stop it?
I'm thinking a lot of it has to do with insecurities, but how does one fix the problem?
If the crisis is more of a dramatic breakdown than a change of direction, it is a mishandling of emotions, insecurities, stress, whatever, and the crisis is a symptom of inadequate or inappropriate life skills and life management. If the crisis is more of a change of direction than a sudden breakdown, then it really isn't a crisis in the common usage of the word. A more accurate term might be something like "a period of personal growth." Either way, these events don't come out of the blue: they're a long time coming, the underlying issues simmering until they get hot enough to get our attention.
"How does one stop it?" - DON'T! Respond to it! Make changes in the circumstances of your life, and improve your life skills. Don't be reckless, but be quietly courageous.
Overall, "mid life crises" are attempts to grow up.
I'm facing this a bit myself. I don't look at it as a crisis so much as a life review. I'm old enough to be "not young" - and not old enough to be "old" so it feels like I'm caught between if that makes sense. I'm beyond my past now, the parts that bothered me. More I feel like am I doing everything I can now? Am I truly fulfilled with where I am? and most days the answer is yes, but sometimes it's still no. For example, I've always wanted to tour Europe while reasonably young, and haven't done it yet. I am learning a new language though .
I think also, I focused so much on my kids, I kind of let go of some of my goals and dreams and you start to wonder, will you ever get back to them before you're "too old"? I think mid-life crisis, mid-life reflection, whatever you want to call it, is perfectly natural and I think everyone probably goes through something.
What I did was set some new goals to direct that energy toward. It helps. I also take time to reflect on what's better about being older. For example, I use to obsess over hair, makeup, clothes etc in my teens/early 20's - now I don't at all. I'm not a slob of course, I dress nicely, but I'm not consumed by all that stuff. I also feel confident now, something I did not feel as a younger person. So middle age has it's advantages.
Oh, another big one for me is the missing my babies thing. My "baby" started school this year. I'm kind of old to have another one and I don't really want one, but knowing the clock is winding down will mess with your mind sometimes.
I believe it's a time when someone tries to capture a moment that has already passed. Or with having no memory of an event that didn't happen, they create an event for the purpose of creating a memory. That doesn't work. Sometimes I think it can be confused with a bucket list.
The way I fix it is to not let it happen. I believe that every second of our lives is part of the process of where we are at this very moment. I let this process continue at natures pace. Not forgetting the past; but learning from it. Trying to recognize missed opportunities so I don't miss them again. I don't waste energy trying to make up for time gone. I try to make the best of the time I have left.
And a mid life crisis is extremely selfish. It is composed of 100% me, me, me. "I didn't do this and I should have done that"." I never had this, so I'll get one now." It's a good way to embarrass yourself.
It can be held in check if you realistically evaluate where you are at right now and focus on where you would like to be up the road. And up the road starts right now. Not 10 or 20 years ago.
Worry is the cause. A fear that one has not done what needs to be done. A feeling that time is running out. To fix it, a new understanding is needed. First, the suggestion of mid life crisis must be ignored. It belongs to the world. The people in the world have been conditioned to think in terms of time. Time is an illusion. It does not exist in the spirit. A person must be detached from the cliches that the society tries to impose on the masses. Each person is a unique "individual". Life is not bound by a collective group experience. Each person has their own experiences. In other words, some people are happy and having a ball no matter what age they are.
You fix it by being "bigger" than the problem.
Tony Robbins once reported that we have two conflicting motivations or needs in life (there are more, but I'm concentrating on the first 2):
1) Need for safety, security or predictability.
2) Need for variety, fun or unpredictability.
To balance both of these "needs," you merely become a "creator." You create new ways to have both predictability and unpredictability. For example, instead of cheating on your spouse for variety, try role playing and dressing up as part of your foreplay.
The number of potential solutions is infinite.
I remember one instance of growing "burnout" while working at my first job in the mailroom in Los Angeles, 45 years ago. Working 100+ hours per week was taking its toll. I was able to overcome this by picturing myself hovering above Los Angeles, holding the entire city in my arms. Then I stepped back and held the entire planet in my arms. Then I stepped back and held the entire galaxy in my mental arms. Worked like a charm.
Three years later, while receiving spiritual counseling, I was able to achieve a higher degree of this exteriorization. I found myself outside of my physical body. I could no longer feel the body, the clothes it wore, the chair in which it sat, or feel the air it was breathing. I could see clearly my surroundings -- 12 feet off my body's left shoulder and 15 feet above the ground. I could see the softly-lit, overcast evening sky, the brightly-lit restaurant parking lot next door, and the lightly cracking, pink stucco of the outside of the building in which my body sat on the 2nd floor. I could also see the closed, grayish-blue blinds which blocked my line-of-sight view of my body. Moments later, when I realized that I was not casting a shadow on the side of the building, I suddenly found myself back in my body.
I remember, years later, seeing a track meet on TV. They mentioned that indoor speeds are always slower than outdoor tracks. I realized that the walls pushed in on their attention units. All a runner needs to do to overcome such a conceptual barrier is to be bigger than the building -- to see their body from the outside and run the race with the open sky above them.
Solutions are all around us and within us. All we need to do is look.
by Joan King 5 years ago
Is mid-life crisis real or is it an excuse to break free and enjoy life?Mid-life crisis is blamed for all sorts of things; having an affair, quitting a job, riding a motor cycle, sky diving but is it real and shoud one act on the urge to do seemingly crazy things.
by alexandriaruthk 5 years ago
What does it mean when one is experiencing mid life crisis?and what are the possible solutions to it?
by Jane@CM 7 years ago
I was reading a book by Joan Anderson last night "A Walk on the Beach" which is written about about her friendship with Joan Erikson (wife of Dr. Erik Erikson).She talks about her identity crisis (or mid-life crisis) and it really hit a cord with me, which I may go on to write about.Has...
by MonsterMuncher 8 years ago
What are the symptoms, whats the average age? Is there a cure? Has anyone gone through this?
by SD Dickens 6 years ago
How do you know if you're having a mid-life crisis?If you've been through a mid-life crisis, what were the signs? What did you do or think?
by NatNatNC 5 years ago
Can a woman be going through mid life crisis at 36?What exactly are the symptoms?
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