Does it embarrass you to suffer from a mental illness?

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

   thats when Bella was in her awkward stage, she had not grown into her feet and was very clumsy..they said it would be hard for her training but she overcame it because she is very intelligent...Boxers are an extremly bright breed   

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

   yeah, my helper dog for my physical disabilities also helps me alot with my PTSD...dogs are wonderful therapy, they love you unconditionally and will listen to you forever, never judge you or complain if you mess up and help you motivate, because they have to be let outside and be fed, etc...
   
   
   I love my Boxer 

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

   I actually breed boxers, she is special, the one in the pic..she is my official helper dog, but I do have 6 other Boxers..and they are all intelligent, just not in the way Bella is..
   
   
   Im not actually physically o.k., but I manage quite well

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      wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Has the Lupus wreaked havoc on your joints and connective tissue? Or, is it something else?

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   wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

   2 dogs, 3 cats here.  Frankly, I'd be lost without them.  It's awful to say, but for the most part I prefer them to human contact.  Except you guys. 

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   wyanjenposted 15 years ago

   I was home alone when I got a phone call that my grandmother had passed. I felt numb, I didn't get hysterical or cry. I simply went into my bedroom and shut my door.
   
   My dog - Cooter was his name - he nosed my bedroom door open! He walked over to me and put his head in my lap. I've never had that kind of sympathy from a person - selfless and unsought. Geez, I'm getting teary for the old guy - he was a great dog and a beautiful friend.

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

   its pretty much destroyed my joints, ligaments , one of my kidneys, damaged my heart, causes mass infections from the slightest things, and caused major nerve damage..it does not help that I have Degenerative disc disease to add to the mess..
   
   but I manage, I could just lie down -complain-and wait to die like many people with lesser issues, but I tried it for awhile and it was not for me. I still like to enjoy everything I can, when my body lets me..
   I broke my back in an accident a few years ago and it never healed , they said I wouldnt walk, but I do walk with a cane..
   
   to see me on the exterior, you would never know..but if you could see the insides..man, its quite a mess in there...right now they are monitoring 3 masses on my brain, one on my spinal cord and one in my uterus..
   
   I try not to think about it too awful much, its life...thats how it is and how I have to live it.
   but I can cope 

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      lorlie6posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      That's so, so much.  I am really impressed that you have the courage to share all this.
      All I can claim-at the moment-is a Titanium hip. Very, very cool-on the x-ray!-yet the surgery was not!

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

   I have cats , rabbits, dogs, and a horse I can no longer ride..but I , too, prefer contact with my animals over actual people anyday...

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   wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

   How goes it lorlie?  I read your ACOA post and felt for you. I can't imagine how hard it must all be.  I'd want to pack my bags and move to Gilligan's Island.  Wanna join me?

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      lorlie6posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      HELL YES, GIRL!!!
      And btw, my bags are all ready to go.

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         wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I like the professor, myself.  I'll have to battle Mary Anne, but I'm okay with that.  I am a little worried about the headhunters, though.  Still sounds like utopia... the coconut cups and all.  Only problem:  have no idea where it is.

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            wyanjenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            do NOT ask me for a map.
            
            
            lord knows where you'd wind up if you followed it...

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               wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

               You read my mind.  I fully expect directions, Jen!!!  Oh, Hell, I'll just Google it.  A lot of help you are. 

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            lorlie6posted 15 years agoin reply to this

            I've always been jealous of Ginger.   Hey, who CARES where it is?  We'll find it somehow.

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

   I hate surgeries..I have had many of the bones in my body broken or shattered...and the lupus rejects all metal they put in, so they have "expirimental" polymers in me, the places that were not repairable on their own..maybe someday I will hub my life..it will be a hard thing, probly the hardst thing I have ever done..to bring it all back...but if your interested I might do it, little by little..
   
   I will think about it and get back to you on it.
   
   Some of it will anger you more than it will sadden you...like I said, it started at birth..if that gives you any clue to what will anger you, my childhood years...
   
   for example..this is hard, but I will give you a piece of history and it will tell you somewhat how it all started, after I was fineally adopted at the age of 12, I was given a paper to read, it was a newspaper from 1979. I was on the front page, my small hand sticking out of a snow drift ( I was born in 1977 ) ..My mom was a war vet..a Vietnam field nurse or a WAC, my father, also a war vet, 82nd Airbourne,  died the year I was born, after my fathers death..my real mom never recovered and started hearing voices and seeing things. One night in late December, she was sure "they" were in our house and were going to get us.She hid me, and the only place she felt safe to hide me was outside, buried in a 6 ft snowdrift. Luckily I survived, they do not know how I did ..I was buried in the snow for approximatly 8 hours and was found by my grandfather, who checked on my real mom daily . He couldnt find anyone in the house , so he started searching everywhere..I was found behind the detached garage, my real mom was found hiding in a ditch 5 miles away , hours later , by the railroad tracks...the VA never helped us...and this is how it all began...

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      wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      B.C. thanks for sharing all that with us.  I'm so very sorry about all you went through.  It really is miraculous you survived, physically and mentally.  You've really had a lot of your plate.  Deepest sympathy.

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      lorlie6posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Air and a smoke?  Sounds like my world, BC-though I have to lay off the booze.  Thanks for writing that, though.  Maybe you would benefit from writing of these painful experiences?  I have written some hubs that sort of skirt my mental illnesses and addictions and all that, and they've been really cathartic for me.
      Breathe, if nothing else...

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    man that was hard to write, I still have that damn newspaper...
    I will be right back, I need to grab a drink and a smoke and get some air...

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       wyanjenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Take your time

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    you know, not only did the VA never really help , the community forever threw my birth mom as an outcast and never helped, the laws were different then, and my birth mother is still alive and it took almost 30 years for anyone to help her, she never has gotten over my dad and never will be the same from the years of hell she had to live in..I used to hate her for things she did to me ..but not anymore, I blame society in general for turning their back on a single mother who was a war veteran who desperatly needed help and never got it , all she got was look down upon, made fun of, and no one ever took time to care...
    
    and this is how life began for me in 1977

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       wyanjenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       When I read your original post, this was the feeling I took away from it.
       
       As a child you could not have understood this point of view. No child could, I mean.
       I'm sorry for the tragedies you have endured, but I'm happy you have found strength from them.
       

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    no ..I do not drink much because of the meds I am on for my physical issues, i just grabbed a Mt. Dew

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    I feel like an idiot..sitting here, by myself bawling now..I have no reason to bawl..it just makes my views on society, those who think they are high and mighty, well, they make me so damn sick to my stomach.

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       {{{HUGS}}}

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       wyanjenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       well, bc, there is no need for you to feel like an idiot. Bawling is a good thing - it lets out the pain. It doesn't mean you are weak!
       And, you are not sitting there by yourself actually.
       
       ((hug))
       
       I think you should write a hub - or two, or three...
       Write them. You don't even have to publish them if you don't want to.
       
       I have a hub about the death of my daughter, niece and father. They are not even mentioned in the hub. If you didn't know my story you would have no idea
       The hub seems pretty general if you are casually reading it. But it has secrets buried in it. Kinda like the daVinci Code. Anyway, after I wrote that hub, I really started to turn myself back around and started healing.

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       lorlie6posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       You are NO idiot-look at what you've been through.

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    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    I used to be a social worker in the VA.  I worked with PTSD war veterans, Vietnam vets.  Like anywhere else, they have huge limitations in their ability to help people.  Plus, don't even get me started on the politics.  In other words, I'm not surprised there wasn't enough help for your parents.  It's a crying shame.
    
    I agree with Lorlie.  Write about it as a hub or not.  I have a couple that have been very beneficial as "purging" for me.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    it is so sick how the government turns their back on the vets who need help, especially in the 70's and 80's...
    I know you did all you could and I know you got to help all you could, but our own government would not let you do anymore than what they wanted you to do. I know you wanted to do more, your a good person..but I can just imagine how little funding you got and all the red tape you had to battle to get your job done.
    
    I see you as a casualty of post war too...
    
    ((((  hugz )))

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I had people who'd been SERIOUSLY affected by Agent Orange.  I mean, huge repercussions from it.  The government didn't and doesn't want to deal with it, poo poohs it even despite all the research that's been done.  It's mind boggling.  I did listen to them, I did tell them:  I BELIEVE you.  And, how sad after all they had to endure.  How unwelcome and shunned from society they were when they returned.  I learned so much from these brave men and women.  I got SO mad with the lack of services for these people.  Once again, $$$ is a huge factor.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    if anything it has given me a big heart and I do love all my friends dearly, I just have a great fear of people..I do not trust many people...but once I get to know someone I do trust them and I love everyone I know...
    
    Im just lucky I have a great doctor and a small group, but good group of friends.I have never known how to act in a traditional family, but I have always tried to do my best with my child.
    
    I have a big problem with getting invited to holiday gatherings, unless it is Halloween...its funny if you think about it, but I get through it for my child, and the last few years I have not been able to go to Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc...
    My goal is to go this year, for my daughter, to her fathers family gathering, I am always welcome there, but I have been shying away and holing up at home, leting her just go with her father..and every year she brings home presents that I was not there to open...
    
    This year I will go...Im going to try my hardest, even if it kills me.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    guess what my dad did alot of, he was the man in the chopper, spraying Agent Orange, they think that is how he died, at the time they did not know, but he was fine one week, the next week he was dead, eaten up and riddled with fast moving cancer, causing his insides to turn to mush..
    they think it is part of the reason I have the physical problems I have....
    
    
    but to this day, no one will actually admitt it and my dads records are sealed.

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Not at all surprised.  A lot of these men and women had various cancers.  It's a nasty toxin, for God's sake.  Of course, people will get sick.  Just never mind helping them when they get home.  It's one reason (among many) I had to leave the VA.  I'm so sorry you've been affected.  Might have to write a hub on it.

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          B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          yeah, my dad was in the direct line of fire from that nasty crap and my mom was in a tent on the ground trying to save lives, so you know she was also exposed and it never leaves the system and , well, it got directly passed to me...even though I was never actually exposed..
          
          I think it screwed up peoples DNA and they will never admitt it. Ever.

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    Sara Tonynposted 15 years ago

    Hey ladies, Daniel, and all the new people! It's taken me a while to catch up but I think I've read all the posts.
    
    Some very serious issues being discussed tonight, I see.
    
    (((hug))) BC
    
    (((hug))) EVERYBODY!

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       And to you, Sara.  Hope you're well today.

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       lorlie6posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Hey, Sara!

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          Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          lorlie, are you still here?

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             lorlie6posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Yep, but I'm going outside for about 10 minutes-I need TWO smokes.  Not because of this thread, however, unlike others I've been on...

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                wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

                Some have made me consider smoking other things...

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                   Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                   I may take up smoking again if this weird bunch of coincidences(?) continues...

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                B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                yeh..I will need a smoke in a minute too, I have to take my night dose of morphiene _ only if I want to move and walk in the morning...

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    sorry..I just let something go to help explain a bit about the PTSD I have and my physical disabilities..and amazingly I met a wonderful woman who tried to help the people I am talking about and understands everything I am talking about.
    I think I was meant to say what i said tonight for a reason. if not, I would of never met or know that I had met someone who dealt with it and understands it.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    Im o.k.   lets have a bit of fun for awhile...I need to get off the topic for a bit ..
    
    
    anyway, so I got my friend with the plow ready to pick up everyone and get us to the compound..
    he can take 10 people at a time..its an 84 Suburban, and take a load of animals in the very back too...   lol

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    Sara Tonynposted 15 years ago

    I'm beginning to think there are strange forces at work here. You won't believe this but I worked at a VA Medical Center and dealt with Agent Orange patients too!
    
    Maybe we're all here, in our little crazy thread, for a reason...

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Seriously?  What an ODD coincidence.  I knew there was something very familiar about you...  I worked at the St. Louis VA, with PTSD and addicts, primarily.  Did mostly groups, but some one-on-one.

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          B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          It is fate..I was meant to open up and talk to you 2 for a reason then..
          
          its my explanation of this odd occurance..it has to be fate working in some way, for some reason unknown to us at this very moment

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             wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Yes, I am feeling goose bumpy now.  I tend to meet people for reasons, I've seen.  Sometimes good reasons like this one, sometimes not good... Regardless, I learn.  Sigh.

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          Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Seriously. I worked at the Brecksville VAMC mostly with drug, alcohol and PTSD patients!
          
          BC, which VA facility are you familiar with? Could it be the one in Brecksville??

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             wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             What's your degree?  I'm an LCSW.

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                Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                Back then I was just starting out; just doing intakes & stats for drug, alc outpatients and for PTSD patients in the domiciliary.
                
                I was only there for about 2 years. Then I went on to work for the dreaded JCAHO!

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                   wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

                   Are you still with the joint commission? 
                   
                   When I moved to Portland, I started working for a children's hospital.  Couldn't take the VA anymore, wanted to work with kids.  Worked in a diabetes and endocrinology clinic and "floated" when needed.  Mostly helped diabetic kids, found working with hermaphrodites the most interesting.  Had kids, had to stop.  Went back for a while, family suffered.  I miss it...

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                      Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                      No, I've been out of med completely for about 10 years. I couldn't take all the deceit and fudging of records.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    thank you 2 ladies for doing all you could do for the men and women who came home exposed.
    
    if it wasnt the Agent Orange, it was the Asbestos, and tons of other chemicals we dont even know how many , and so many names of them that the government used and said were safe..
    
    
    I am the direct leftover from the effects of them all
    
    
    Yay me....

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks, BC.  You're right, no they will never admit it.  I wouldn't dismiss ANYTHING as possible with that stuff.  Unfortunately, the motives don't compliment the victims.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    I also wonder what really were in those vaccines the government gave out..my dad was career and close to 30 years older than my real mom..
    
    another reason I fel his records are sealed...the only parts I have are just papers with so much blacked out they are worthless..he was a Hopi indian child , taken from his parents and sent to a white school, wich was basicly a military school to train soldiers from the time they were children..
    
    so somedays I wonder, what did they inject him with over the years?
    and truthfully, I doubt anyone will ever know the truth.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    I did manage to go to college and obtain 4 art degrees in various medias and techniques..nothing special like you two, but Im still amazed we all 3 ended up right here at this moment and we are all tied together by this...

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Very cool.  I need to check out your hubs, here you make some very cool stuff.  Funny world, huh?

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    yes, Brecksville, Ohio and also Dayton , Ohio..and as a kid I remeber being at I think it was Ft.Hood , Kentucky

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    omg..you could of worked with me when I was a child in the 80's

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       Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       WOW. I was there '78-'80, I think.
       
       This is weird!

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    It is very possible Sara Tonyn might know me..or knew me..or my birth mother..or my father..it depends on the years...
    
    I am 33 now, last time I was at a VA center was when I was 19, then I got married and got dropped from Champus and went on my husbands private insurance..

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Could be.  She might have only worked with adults, as I did.  Never got to see the children, I hated that.  That came later in my career.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    I know have a private doctor who comes to my house, or I go to his house or office..like I mentioned before I found a very compassionate man who handles all my care, 24/7 - 365....
    
    He keeps me out of the hospital the best he can..
    
    ironicly , he was a "army" brat too ...but he is in his 50's

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    Its still possible you may have met my real mom at some point ...anything is possible since they keep their records so hush-hush!

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    wyanjenposted 15 years ago

    I'm off to bed my ladies
    
    
    
    
    
    keep smiling
    

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       Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Hey, Jen. Sorry I didn't get to chat with you tonight.
       
       Get some rest cuz we still have to take over the world!   (((hug)))

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          wyanjenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          umm...
          I used to hurry home from work fast as possible, so I could see
          Pinky
          It's Pinky and the
          Brain
          Brain
          Brain
          Brain!!!!
          
          I was laffing my ass off at your posts when I read them today

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             wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Got up at the crack of dawn to see Pinky and the Brain.  It's one reason I married my husband, discovered he did the same.    Ever see Eek the Cat?

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             Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Cool! Another Pinky and the Brain fan! 

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       lorlie6posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Sweet dreams!

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Night, Jen.  No messing around tonight, you hear!!  Turn off your lights so you don't see the dirt.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    my real mom never drank or was a junkie, but she had a very horrible case of PTSD.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    yes, goodnight dear jen..sleep well, and get a few nods in for us who dont ever really sleep..lmfao! 

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       wyanjenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I'll think of you each time I wake up. Every 90 minutes or so.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    do you rememeber a case , that started in 77 of a woman who thought they were gonna take her baby , so she did everything to induce labor, even go as far as cutting into her womb to get the child out..I was born premature because that baby was me.

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       Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       You know, I think I do remember something about it...but very little. When I read about you being in the snow with only your hand sticking out I thought it sounded a little familiar.
       
       Damn! I wish I could remember for sure!

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Why did she think you'd be taken? 

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          B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          No one knows?

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             wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Oops, I forgot.  She was mentally ill, right?  How sad, I'm glad you're here.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    hehe..Pinky and the Brain and INVADER ZIM...
    
    good cartoons 

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       lorlie6posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Oh, get real, gals-how's about Johnny Bravo and CatDog?

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          wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

          STOP IT, LORLIE!!!!  Cat dog, cat dog.  Christ, I love it.  The best one was when they had fleas.   
          
          

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          Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Oh, these memories! I'm lovin' it!

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    Yes..Cat Dog...I have a stuffed catDog that talks, I bought it for my daughter when he was little, she gave me a bunch of her old toys and stuff so I could put them away since she is a teenager and I own a "CatDog"..it even stretches out in the middle...lmfao!

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    hey Pinky, Yes Brain..What are we gonna do today....

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       Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       We're going to do what we do every night, Pinky...

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    wyanjenposted 15 years ago

    NARF
    
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJPFSNu_QNs

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       Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    well, that child is me...so if you ever wonder what happened to that child, here I am 

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       Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       This is incredible! But I'm so glad to meet you!

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    I lived and will be 33 in May

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    wyanjenposted 15 years ago

    I'm loving how we are treating this forum like a wall of graffiti.
    
    We are littering the hell out of this place.
    Any more links or pics to add?
    
    :lol;

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    that is the worst case scenario of what PTSD does to your mind..I am thankful I only have horrible flashbacks of growing up and no induced schitzophrenia like what happened to my real mom

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    wyanjenposted 15 years ago

    up up and away...
    
    
    
    
    You'll have to let me know what bumper sticker I can put on our ship

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       Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I lurve that! You're so talented!

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          wyanjenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          I have the right software, that's all.
          Anything is easy when you know how. Graphics is my full time job
          
          I am always open for requests...
          
          now then:
          
          
          
          We all should grab some zzzz's, yes?
          
          later gaters

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             Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Looks like a shrink sitting in the chair and all us crazies sitting on couches!

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Crap, Jen...  We haven't even come up with a name yet.  Jumping the gun on the bumper sticker a bit. 

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       Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    it was always they or them..and I do not know who they or them are, no one does but her.

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44. 0

    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    any sticker you want as long as I can put a "G.D." dancing bear on it..lol 

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45. 0

    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    Do I still get to use my dremmel and inscribe ....AND JUSTICE FOR ALL ...on it somewhere? 

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       wyanjenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       bc - I'm ALL OVER that one....
       
       check back tomorrow....

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       Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       YOU BET!

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46. 0

    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    My one firebird I did a nice hand painted "Ride The Lightning" on the back window...
    
    Its on the 77 Formula

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       Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I had A Trans Am. In fact I had 2. Loved 'em!

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47. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    

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       Sara Tonynposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       

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          B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          hahahaha...thats great!

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48. 0

    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    I used a vinyl paint, so it doesnt wash off...I have some blue, black and red, I am sure it will come in handy for "decorating" our ship!

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49. 0

    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    Thats also very odd , in my Main garage, there is a 77 Formula, a 79 Trans-am, and a 66 GTO
    
    
    I also have a very large Phoenix tat on my back...

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    wyanjenposted 15 years ago

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfg0_FbIqqw

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       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Metallica... 
       
       Get to bed, young lady.

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