thats when Bella was in her awkward stage, she had not grown into her feet and was very clumsy..they said it would be hard for her training but she overcame it because she is very intelligent...Boxers are an extremly bright breed
yeah, my helper dog for my physical disabilities also helps me alot with my PTSD...dogs are wonderful therapy, they love you unconditionally and will listen to you forever, never judge you or complain if you mess up and help you motivate, because they have to be let outside and be fed, etc...
I love my Boxer
I actually breed boxers, she is special, the one in the pic..she is my official helper dog, but I do have 6 other Boxers..and they are all intelligent, just not in the way Bella is..
Im not actually physically o.k., but I manage quite well
2 dogs, 3 cats here. Frankly, I'd be lost without them. It's awful to say, but for the most part I prefer them to human contact. Except you guys.
I was home alone when I got a phone call that my grandmother had passed. I felt numb, I didn't get hysterical or cry. I simply went into my bedroom and shut my door.
My dog - Cooter was his name - he nosed my bedroom door open! He walked over to me and put his head in my lap. I've never had that kind of sympathy from a person - selfless and unsought. Geez, I'm getting teary for the old guy - he was a great dog and a beautiful friend.
its pretty much destroyed my joints, ligaments , one of my kidneys, damaged my heart, causes mass infections from the slightest things, and caused major nerve damage..it does not help that I have Degenerative disc disease to add to the mess..
but I manage, I could just lie down -complain-and wait to die like many people with lesser issues, but I tried it for awhile and it was not for me. I still like to enjoy everything I can, when my body lets me..
I broke my back in an accident a few years ago and it never healed , they said I wouldnt walk, but I do walk with a cane..
to see me on the exterior, you would never know..but if you could see the insides..man, its quite a mess in there...right now they are monitoring 3 masses on my brain, one on my spinal cord and one in my uterus..
I try not to think about it too awful much, its life...thats how it is and how I have to live it.
but I can cope
I have cats , rabbits, dogs, and a horse I can no longer ride..but I , too, prefer contact with my animals over actual people anyday...
How goes it lorlie? I read your ACOA post and felt for you. I can't imagine how hard it must all be. I'd want to pack my bags and move to Gilligan's Island. Wanna join me?
HELL YES, GIRL!!!
And btw, my bags are all ready to go.
I like the professor, myself. I'll have to battle Mary Anne, but I'm okay with that. I am a little worried about the headhunters, though. Still sounds like utopia... the coconut cups and all. Only problem: have no idea where it is.
do NOT ask me for a map.
lord knows where you'd wind up if you followed it...
I've always been jealous of Ginger. Hey, who CARES where it is? We'll find it somehow.
I hate surgeries..I have had many of the bones in my body broken or shattered...and the lupus rejects all metal they put in, so they have "expirimental" polymers in me, the places that were not repairable on their own..maybe someday I will hub my life..it will be a hard thing, probly the hardst thing I have ever done..to bring it all back...but if your interested I might do it, little by little..
I will think about it and get back to you on it.
Some of it will anger you more than it will sadden you...like I said, it started at birth..if that gives you any clue to what will anger you, my childhood years...
for example..this is hard, but I will give you a piece of history and it will tell you somewhat how it all started, after I was fineally adopted at the age of 12, I was given a paper to read, it was a newspaper from 1979. I was on the front page, my small hand sticking out of a snow drift ( I was born in 1977 ) ..My mom was a war vet..a Vietnam field nurse or a WAC, my father, also a war vet, 82nd Airbourne, died the year I was born, after my fathers death..my real mom never recovered and started hearing voices and seeing things. One night in late December, she was sure "they" were in our house and were going to get us.She hid me, and the only place she felt safe to hide me was outside, buried in a 6 ft snowdrift. Luckily I survived, they do not know how I did ..I was buried in the snow for approximatly 8 hours and was found by my grandfather, who checked on my real mom daily . He couldnt find anyone in the house , so he started searching everywhere..I was found behind the detached garage, my real mom was found hiding in a ditch 5 miles away , hours later , by the railroad tracks...the VA never helped us...and this is how it all began...
B.C. thanks for sharing all that with us. I'm so very sorry about all you went through. It really is miraculous you survived, physically and mentally. You've really had a lot of your plate. Deepest sympathy.
Air and a smoke? Sounds like my world, BC-though I have to lay off the booze. Thanks for writing that, though. Maybe you would benefit from writing of these painful experiences? I have written some hubs that sort of skirt my mental illnesses and addictions and all that, and they've been really cathartic for me.
Breathe, if nothing else...
man that was hard to write, I still have that damn newspaper...
I will be right back, I need to grab a drink and a smoke and get some air...
you know, not only did the VA never really help , the community forever threw my birth mom as an outcast and never helped, the laws were different then, and my birth mother is still alive and it took almost 30 years for anyone to help her, she never has gotten over my dad and never will be the same from the years of hell she had to live in..I used to hate her for things she did to me ..but not anymore, I blame society in general for turning their back on a single mother who was a war veteran who desperatly needed help and never got it , all she got was look down upon, made fun of, and no one ever took time to care...
and this is how life began for me in 1977
When I read your original post, this was the feeling I took away from it.
As a child you could not have understood this point of view. No child could, I mean.
I'm sorry for the tragedies you have endured, but I'm happy you have found strength from them.
no ..I do not drink much because of the meds I am on for my physical issues, i just grabbed a Mt. Dew
I feel like an idiot..sitting here, by myself bawling now..I have no reason to bawl..it just makes my views on society, those who think they are high and mighty, well, they make me so damn sick to my stomach.
well, bc, there is no need for you to feel like an idiot. Bawling is a good thing - it lets out the pain. It doesn't mean you are weak!
And, you are not sitting there by yourself actually.
((hug))
I think you should write a hub - or two, or three...
Write them. You don't even have to publish them if you don't want to.
I have a hub about the death of my daughter, niece and father. They are not even mentioned in the hub. If you didn't know my story you would have no idea
The hub seems pretty general if you are casually reading it. But it has secrets buried in it. Kinda like the daVinci Code. Anyway, after I wrote that hub, I really started to turn myself back around and started healing.
You are NO idiot-look at what you've been through.
I used to be a social worker in the VA. I worked with PTSD war veterans, Vietnam vets. Like anywhere else, they have huge limitations in their ability to help people. Plus, don't even get me started on the politics. In other words, I'm not surprised there wasn't enough help for your parents. It's a crying shame.
I agree with Lorlie. Write about it as a hub or not. I have a couple that have been very beneficial as "purging" for me.
it is so sick how the government turns their back on the vets who need help, especially in the 70's and 80's...
I know you did all you could and I know you got to help all you could, but our own government would not let you do anymore than what they wanted you to do. I know you wanted to do more, your a good person..but I can just imagine how little funding you got and all the red tape you had to battle to get your job done.
I see you as a casualty of post war too...
(((( hugz )))
I had people who'd been SERIOUSLY affected by Agent Orange. I mean, huge repercussions from it. The government didn't and doesn't want to deal with it, poo poohs it even despite all the research that's been done. It's mind boggling. I did listen to them, I did tell them: I BELIEVE you. And, how sad after all they had to endure. How unwelcome and shunned from society they were when they returned. I learned so much from these brave men and women. I got SO mad with the lack of services for these people. Once again, $$$ is a huge factor.
if anything it has given me a big heart and I do love all my friends dearly, I just have a great fear of people..I do not trust many people...but once I get to know someone I do trust them and I love everyone I know...
Im just lucky I have a great doctor and a small group, but good group of friends.I have never known how to act in a traditional family, but I have always tried to do my best with my child.
I have a big problem with getting invited to holiday gatherings, unless it is Halloween...its funny if you think about it, but I get through it for my child, and the last few years I have not been able to go to Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc...
My goal is to go this year, for my daughter, to her fathers family gathering, I am always welcome there, but I have been shying away and holing up at home, leting her just go with her father..and every year she brings home presents that I was not there to open...
This year I will go...Im going to try my hardest, even if it kills me.
guess what my dad did alot of, he was the man in the chopper, spraying Agent Orange, they think that is how he died, at the time they did not know, but he was fine one week, the next week he was dead, eaten up and riddled with fast moving cancer, causing his insides to turn to mush..
they think it is part of the reason I have the physical problems I have....
but to this day, no one will actually admitt it and my dads records are sealed.
Not at all surprised. A lot of these men and women had various cancers. It's a nasty toxin, for God's sake. Of course, people will get sick. Just never mind helping them when they get home. It's one reason (among many) I had to leave the VA. I'm so sorry you've been affected. Might have to write a hub on it.
yeah, my dad was in the direct line of fire from that nasty crap and my mom was in a tent on the ground trying to save lives, so you know she was also exposed and it never leaves the system and , well, it got directly passed to me...even though I was never actually exposed..
I think it screwed up peoples DNA and they will never admitt it. Ever.
Hey ladies, Daniel, and all the new people! It's taken me a while to catch up but I think I've read all the posts.
Some very serious issues being discussed tonight, I see.
(((hug))) BC
(((hug))) EVERYBODY!
And to you, Sara. Hope you're well today.
Yep, but I'm going outside for about 10 minutes-I need TWO smokes. Not because of this thread, however, unlike others I've been on...
Some have made me consider smoking other things...
I may take up smoking again if this weird bunch of coincidences(?) continues...
yeh..I will need a smoke in a minute too, I have to take my night dose of morphiene _ only if I want to move and walk in the morning...
sorry..I just let something go to help explain a bit about the PTSD I have and my physical disabilities..and amazingly I met a wonderful woman who tried to help the people I am talking about and understands everything I am talking about.
I think I was meant to say what i said tonight for a reason. if not, I would of never met or know that I had met someone who dealt with it and understands it.
Im o.k. lets have a bit of fun for awhile...I need to get off the topic for a bit ..
anyway, so I got my friend with the plow ready to pick up everyone and get us to the compound..
he can take 10 people at a time..its an 84 Suburban, and take a load of animals in the very back too... lol
I'm beginning to think there are strange forces at work here. You won't believe this but I worked at a VA Medical Center and dealt with Agent Orange patients too!
Maybe we're all here, in our little crazy thread, for a reason...
Seriously? What an ODD coincidence. I knew there was something very familiar about you... I worked at the St. Louis VA, with PTSD and addicts, primarily. Did mostly groups, but some one-on-one.
It is fate..I was meant to open up and talk to you 2 for a reason then..
its my explanation of this odd occurance..it has to be fate working in some way, for some reason unknown to us at this very moment
Seriously. I worked at the Brecksville VAMC mostly with drug, alcohol and PTSD patients!
BC, which VA facility are you familiar with? Could it be the one in Brecksville??
Back then I was just starting out; just doing intakes & stats for drug, alc outpatients and for PTSD patients in the domiciliary.
I was only there for about 2 years. Then I went on to work for the dreaded JCAHO!
Are you still with the joint commission?
When I moved to Portland, I started working for a children's hospital. Couldn't take the VA anymore, wanted to work with kids. Worked in a diabetes and endocrinology clinic and "floated" when needed. Mostly helped diabetic kids, found working with hermaphrodites the most interesting. Had kids, had to stop. Went back for a while, family suffered. I miss it...
No, I've been out of med completely for about 10 years. I couldn't take all the deceit and fudging of records.
thank you 2 ladies for doing all you could do for the men and women who came home exposed.
if it wasnt the Agent Orange, it was the Asbestos, and tons of other chemicals we dont even know how many , and so many names of them that the government used and said were safe..
I am the direct leftover from the effects of them all
Yay me....
I also wonder what really were in those vaccines the government gave out..my dad was career and close to 30 years older than my real mom..
another reason I fel his records are sealed...the only parts I have are just papers with so much blacked out they are worthless..he was a Hopi indian child , taken from his parents and sent to a white school, wich was basicly a military school to train soldiers from the time they were children..
so somedays I wonder, what did they inject him with over the years?
and truthfully, I doubt anyone will ever know the truth.
I did manage to go to college and obtain 4 art degrees in various medias and techniques..nothing special like you two, but Im still amazed we all 3 ended up right here at this moment and we are all tied together by this...
yes, Brecksville, Ohio and also Dayton , Ohio..and as a kid I remeber being at I think it was Ft.Hood , Kentucky
omg..you could of worked with me when I was a child in the 80's
WOW. I was there '78-'80, I think.
This is weird!
It is very possible Sara Tonyn might know me..or knew me..or my birth mother..or my father..it depends on the years...
I am 33 now, last time I was at a VA center was when I was 19, then I got married and got dropped from Champus and went on my husbands private insurance..
I know have a private doctor who comes to my house, or I go to his house or office..like I mentioned before I found a very compassionate man who handles all my care, 24/7 - 365....
He keeps me out of the hospital the best he can..
ironicly , he was a "army" brat too ...but he is in his 50's
Its still possible you may have met my real mom at some point ...anything is possible since they keep their records so hush-hush!
Hey, Jen. Sorry I didn't get to chat with you tonight.
Get some rest cuz we still have to take over the world! (((hug)))
umm...
I used to hurry home from work fast as possible, so I could see
Pinky
It's Pinky and the
Brain
Brain
Brain
Brain!!!!
I was laffing my ass off at your posts when I read them today
Night, Jen. No messing around tonight, you hear!! Turn off your lights so you don't see the dirt.
my real mom never drank or was a junkie, but she had a very horrible case of PTSD.
yes, goodnight dear jen..sleep well, and get a few nods in for us who dont ever really sleep..lmfao!
do you rememeber a case , that started in 77 of a woman who thought they were gonna take her baby , so she did everything to induce labor, even go as far as cutting into her womb to get the child out..I was born premature because that baby was me.
You know, I think I do remember something about it...but very little. When I read about you being in the snow with only your hand sticking out I thought it sounded a little familiar.
Damn! I wish I could remember for sure!
hehe..Pinky and the Brain and INVADER ZIM...
good cartoons
Oh, get real, gals-how's about Johnny Bravo and CatDog?
Yes..Cat Dog...I have a stuffed catDog that talks, I bought it for my daughter when he was little, she gave me a bunch of her old toys and stuff so I could put them away since she is a teenager and I own a "CatDog"..it even stretches out in the middle...lmfao!
We're going to do what we do every night, Pinky...
well, that child is me...so if you ever wonder what happened to that child, here I am
This is incredible! But I'm so glad to meet you!
I'm loving how we are treating this forum like a wall of graffiti.
We are littering the hell out of this place.
Any more links or pics to add? :lol;
that is the worst case scenario of what PTSD does to your mind..I am thankful I only have horrible flashbacks of growing up and no induced schitzophrenia like what happened to my real mom
up up and away...
You'll have to let me know what bumper sticker I can put on our ship
Looks like a shrink sitting in the chair and all us crazies sitting on couches!
Crap, Jen... We haven't even come up with a name yet. Jumping the gun on the bumper sticker a bit.
it was always they or them..and I do not know who they or them are, no one does but her.
any sticker you want as long as I can put a "G.D." dancing bear on it..lol
Do I still get to use my dremmel and inscribe ....AND JUSTICE FOR ALL ...on it somewhere?
My one firebird I did a nice hand painted "Ride The Lightning" on the back window...
Its on the 77 Formula
I had A Trans Am. In fact I had 2. Loved 'em!
I used a vinyl paint, so it doesnt wash off...I have some blue, black and red, I am sure it will come in handy for "decorating" our ship!
Thats also very odd , in my Main garage, there is a 77 Formula, a 79 Trans-am, and a 66 GTO
I also have a very large Phoenix tat on my back...
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