Am I wrong?

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  1. Al Terego profile image62
    Al Teregoposted 14 years ago

    My mother passed away about 5 years ago, she owned a house and a lot of valuable things in her home.  She died in her sleep and her will was never found.  My stepfather lived about two years after my mom died.  He turned around a week before he shot himself and went to a lawyer leaving the home and the contents to his brother.  Does what my mother wanted matter?  His brother has told me that everything is his and never even offered me things that had belonged to my grandfather.  I hate this brother for this and cannot even stand to look at him.  I live on the third floor of what used to be my mothers house. I am not in a financial position to move so I do not know what recourse I  may have.

    Are my feelings wrong and if they are how do I get past them?

    1. pisean282311 profile image61
      pisean282311posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      which country do you stay and the house was your mother's earned or she inherited it?..if she inherited it ? my country inherited properties can't be willed out..kins have right over it..dont know about laws out there..but if it was from earned income ...well u still might have right over it..consult lawyer...

    2. nikki1 profile image60
      nikki1posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      My condolences for your families loss. I hope for your mothers sake you can find her last wishes for her family. It sounds like your brother needs an attitude adjustment. What a brat. Please keep us posted on your mothers situation. I'm shocked her Doctor doesn't have a copy of her will,. Or maybe her bank,.
      Never have an ordinary day my friends.
      I hope this cheers you up..

    3. starme77 profile image78
      starme77posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      well your feelings are not wrong , but ya know , what comes around goes around , and really the stuff dosn't matter , its just stuff , they will get theirs one day for what they did , greed , unfourtanatly controls this world

    4. nikki1 profile image60
      nikki1posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, I don't think your stepfather has the ability to change her wishes.  You should start asking for advice about this.

  2. TamCor profile image81
    TamCorposted 14 years ago

    I'm sorry that you're going through this...sad

    If I were you, I'd talk to an attorney, or someone knowledgable about estate laws.  Maybe someone here can advise you more, but that was my first thought.

    Good luck...


  3. timorous profile image82
    timorousposted 14 years ago

    I doubt that in most jurisdictions you would have any recourse.  In most cases, I believe, as long as someone is legally married to another, the surviving spouse usually inherits the estate (belongings) of the deceased.  I'm not a lawyer, so I can't say for sure, but if your mother did have a will, it would merely specify her wishes.  Anything not accounted for or specified would go to her spouse by inheritance.

    Without a signed will by your mother, your stepfather was likely free to do what he wishes with her/his belongings.  As long as he made a legally binding will leaving his estate to his brother, your only course would be to contest the will.  Since you don't seem to fit into their plans, you're not likely to win such an expensive case.  I'm sorry Al.

  4. Al Terego profile image62
    Al Teregoposted 14 years ago

    It is so hard to grieve for my mom when every time I think of her I am filled by rage caused by the betrayal of my mother's husband.  I am stuck in the largest rut of my life.  I dream horribly nightly.  It is almost to the point that I feel I am haunted by me mom and her memory.  My mother would be so outraged and there is nothing I can legally do to make the situation even a little tolerable.  I am to the point of hating humanity as a whole.

    Not you guys of course, but I am sure you understand what I mean.  I no longer get any joy out of life.  I am a mindless drone, just waiting for it to be over.

  5. Wendy Krick profile image63
    Wendy Krickposted 14 years ago

    Several years ago, I lost everything including my home and my possessions due to toxic mold. I lost my wedding album and wedding dress and lots of valuable things including all of our furniture and photo's as well. I was so unhappy and stressed out that I was diagnosed with PTS.

    What I learned (and it took a few years) was that it really was only "stuff". What is important and valuable is my kids and my husband.

    I decided to forgive the universe and live my life in abundance. I just got tired of being sick and tired.

    My point is...

    I know how you feel hurt and angry. But you can't let the anger destroy you.

    If I were you, I would turn it over to an attorney and let them fight your battle for you. Let him or her do the worrying.

    You should get on with your life and chose to be happy! (That is probably what your Mom would want anyway)

    God Bless you Sweetie!

  6. profile image57
    ellinorposted 14 years ago

    Get a lawyer, talk to your friends, do not let the bitterness fester in you, may you live in the love and the light .Ellinor

  7. TMMason profile image60
    TMMasonposted 14 years ago

    Actually... I don't think your wrong for feeling as you do.

    But... I do think your going to be on the wrong side in court.

    My cousin just went through the same experience in MA. and in the end it cost him a ton of money for lawyers and he retained absolutely nothing from the estate.

    So... I would get a consult with an attorney, but you may want to read up on the laws in regards to it before you let the lawyers convince you they can win.

    The morally correct stance, is not always the legally correct stance.

    Good luck with that... really. My cousin is still paying the Atty's bill.

  8. IntimatEvolution profile image69
    IntimatEvolutionposted 14 years ago

    I've been were you are at, and finally for my own peace, I walked away.  It took me six years, but I finally had to let it all go.  One day I realized that my life was fading as fast, as the fading memory of my pain and grief.  I realized that all I held dear is in my heart, and that nobody and I mean nobody could take that away from me.  Having NO money, NO help, NO nothing- I packed what little belongings I had in my car.  Drove clear across the state of Missouri- settled in Quincy, IL and started my life over.  It wasn't until I got to Quincy, that I found me a new job- which I did that very day I arrived into town.  I found two.  Then with my crammed pack ford fiestiva, I went to a reality office and found the cheapest place to rent.  It was an awful and scary one bedroom apartment, that was the dirtiest thing I had ever seen.  But it cost me less than $900.00 for first and last months rent, and utilities.  I went to a dollar store, bought some wash rags, and cleaner.  Cleaned my new home, unloaded my car, made a spot on the floor for me and my blankets and had the best night sleep I had had in six years. 

    I live in Columbia, MO now and I haven't looked back since.  You know I started my life over.  I was young at the time, but that really doesn't matter.  I'm forty now- and have been threw much worse since Quincy.  Like the suicide death of my husband, and my family stealing everything I owned.  Which was a lot by that time..., but still I was able to move on.  Because I had done it once before.  But anyhow that is my advice to you.  Move out of that house of your mothers.  Walk away from the chaos and suffering, for everything you hold dear is all right there in your heart. 

    You will be able to live without any of your mother's stuff, or father's stuff, and so on.  I don't have one single picture of me when I was little, or family heirlooms, or family pictures period.  But I have my memories, and I have their love for me in my heart, and that's the greatest treasure of all.

    Good luck

    1. profile image0
      Home Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      IE, I think it's the best advise anybody could give! The greatest treasure are our memories and what we have in our heart and a peace of mind! The rest are just "things". Don't cling to them. Forget. Take the most precious things and go away. Walk away if you need. I came to Canada with 3 small kids, no "stuff", and $5 dollars after exchange in my pocket. I left apartment  full of stuff back home that just in case I won't be able to get through to Canada for some reason ,-  I can come back and do not have to live on the street with small kids. I have no idea what happened to it, everything is gone I am sure stolen and sold. I do not care. I live in Canada now, it's my home. For better of for worse. Hopefully for better. So, JUST MOVE ON!

    2. Wendy Krick profile image63
      Wendy Krickposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for sharing your story. You are an amazing person. God Bless.

  9. Daniel Carter profile image62
    Daniel Carterposted 14 years ago

    It may be a good thing for you to see if you can have a first visit, free consultation with a lawyer who works with estate settlements. You will usually have 1 free hour to talk about the case and to see if you have any rights or recourse. If you don't do this, you'll probably always wish that you did. By doing it, you are empowering yourself to be more than a victim. You are being proactive and honoring your mom's wishes and protecting you.

    I've been in this situation over intellectual properties. I gifted a piece of music to a non-profit organization who in turn allowed a for profit business to use it without paying me a royalty. But because of the original waiver I signed, I have no recourse against the for profit business to collect a royalty. And the money is quite significant.

    Additionally, I've lost all my possessions twice to two divorces, along with two homes. Those homes are owned by people who despise me and are owned free and clear by them, not me.

    After you've done all you can to protect yourself, and you still seem to have lost everything, it is in your best interest to let it go. It takes time for the bitterness and anger to leave, but being at peace is worth it.

    Once you can do this, you can actually begin to realize that there are opportunities in front of you that will open your life up, allow you to meet remarkable people, and help you go where you need to go in life.

    I've just read "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie. The premise is that it's our thoughts about the things we are concerned that make us suffer. If we can question our thoughts and look at thing differently, we can find peace.

    I wish you well. Be gentle with yourself.

    1. Wendy Krick profile image63
      Wendy Krickposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I love Byron Tracie and it really is true. Anyone who is struggling with anger and frustration should read her or listen to her tapes. It really will change the way you think.

  10. h.a.borcich profile image60
    h.a.borcichposted 14 years ago

    Just a thought...If the stepdad changed the will just a week before he committed suicide, doesn't that show he was mentally impaired? I would consult with a lawyer just to be sure it is  a done deal. Then let it go - the bitterness can destroy the soul.

    1. nikki1 profile image60
      nikki1posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I agree. Hopefully he didn't get legalized before he died on his own. Are you ok? A lot has happened unfortunately.
      We are root'n for ya, please keep us posted.
      Peace to all.
      I hope this helps..

  11. Al Terego profile image62
    Al Teregoposted 14 years ago

    Thank you all for the kind words.  As far as my mothers stuff goes.  I really only wanted things that had belonged to my grandfather who committed suicide when I was 4.  Everything else of my mothers should have been left to my daughter.  That is what my mom wanted.  But no one in the legal sense could give a rat's ass what my mothers wishes were.

    Today is real tough,  it is the anniversary of my mom's death.

    It is also the first of the month so I am going to have to see this scumbag of a landlord who once was my mothers brother in law.

    everyone loved my mother!  Only one person in the world is happy she died.  that is the scumbag landlord who inherited everything she had.  He once was a bum, now he is a homeowner with plenty of equity.

    And the Mother f#@ker is going to be knocking at my door soon.

    God give me the strength not to strangle him to death PLEASE!

  12. profile image0
    Precious Williamsposted 14 years ago

    I hope you got through the anniversary, it must have been very painful for you.  This is easier said than done, but I think you should heed the advice of other hubbers and walk away (though I do understand you're not in a position to do that physically).  Although you are very angry with your step father - you must realise that your mother like so many other people didn't make her will as she should have done - ie leave the house to him for the rest of his days and then onto you.  Well she didn't, probably because it didn't occur for her to do so and you find yourself in a horrible position.  The problem is the way you feel is eating away at you and the only person who it is harming is you and that man is not worth it.  Losing possessions that you have treasured is awful, but I believe far greater than any position is the memories that you have of someone who was precious to you.  That can never be taken away from you.  I hope that you eventually find a resolution that you can live with.

  13. IzzyM profile image87
    IzzyMposted 14 years ago

    If your mother's husband changed his will only 1 week before he shot himself, I would find that highly suspicious and certainly grounds for contesting the will. There is an insanity clause which a court might just listen to, because this is very odd behaviour.
    Also, surviving children are entitled to one third of the moveable estate of a deceased parent - at least it works that way in the UK, no idea about US law.
    I wouldn't drop it. Look for a lawyer with a no win, no fee policy if you can't afford to pay for one outright.

  14. Flightkeeper profile image65
    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    Is the brother really a big jerk?  I don't know what the situation is between the two of you, but perhaps it's just easier to approach the brother and let him know that you would like some things of your mother to take with you.  Technically, since the wills says everything goes to him and your mother died and left everything to her husband, it would be hard to fight.

    1. Al Terego profile image62
      Al Teregoposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      He told me everything was his and I wouldn't get a F@#kin thing.  I wanted a few medals from my veteran grandfather given to my mother for me.

      He told me a few months ago that I could move into my mothers old apartment.  We packed up our belongings only to be told one week before the move that he had rented the apartment.

      My apartment still remains packed for the most part as this occurred in May.

      1. Flightkeeper profile image65
        Flightkeeperposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        I'm sorry to hear it Al, but this is definitely a difficult situation for you.

  15. Al Terego profile image62
    Al Teregoposted 14 years ago

    As I deal with this my wife is threatening suicide.  I cannot be there with her all the time so I am virtually powerless to stop her if she chose to follow through.

    There has been alot of stress on us lately and I guess she is not handling it well.

    I pray for guidance for her.

    I must sound like such a drama king!  SRY

  16. Dolores Monet profile image95
    Dolores Monetposted 14 years ago

    I would go to see a lawyer. If the husband shot himself shortly after making his will, he may not have been in sound mind. (His brother is a creep. You should have your grandmother's dishes, or whatever)

  17. Flightkeeper profile image65
    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    At the end of the day Al, what's important is you and your wife.  The rest are things, precious though they are to you, they are not more important than the well being of you and your wife.  Do consult with a lawyer to see if there is anything that can be done then move on.

  18. Al Terego profile image62
    Al Teregoposted 14 years ago

    An update on my situation with mixed feelings.

    I was notified today that the brother that inherited my mothers estate through his brother died in his sleep last night.

    The whole charade is still in probate and now I am not sure of who to even pay my rent too.

    1. IzzyM profile image87
      IzzyMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      What a lucky turnaround! He sounded like a right B and as someone already said in this thread "What goes round, comes round"!
      Don't pay rent to anyone. Put the money away instead in case things don't go your way. What other relatives are going to come out of the woodwork now? Have you got yourself a lawyer yet?

    2. alexandriaruthk profile image70
      alexandriaruthkposted 14 years ago

      This is some kind of a relief for you, and things do turn around for the better of things, I wouldnt like to say kharma, but it gets to wrok in this world -- that thing kharma.

      Now you can consult with a lawyer and check your options!

      Good luck to you!


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