My Uncle has just weeks to live!

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   nasus loopsposted 14 years ago

   My uncle has been battling against bowel cancer for 18months now and was just about to start having a second course of chemotherapy when he was admitted to hospital at the beginning of the week.  Providing he had the chemo it looked like he certainly had at least 5-6 months if not more to live, yet the family were told last night that he is not well enough to undergo chemo and has just weeks to live.  My mum is one of seven children and has already lost one brother and now even though she was expecting the worse it has completely knocked her for six.  Any suggestions on how I might be able to support her?  I have not been to the hospital to see him as of yet! I want to remember him as he was before the illness won its battle.

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      fierycjposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      you just gotta be there for her, man...encourage her, comfort her...thats really all you can do and hope and pray for the best...

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      Polly Cposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Sorry to hear your news of your uncle, life sometimes does indeed deliver hard knocks. As for supporting your mum, probably all you can really do is to be there for her to support her, and to talk and listen to her. Though of course it is a hard time, people can be resilient (though of course that does not take away the fact that it is a difficult and sad period).
      
      If you were close to your uncle, you might want to visit him. I did not visit my grandmother before she died, and that is my one regret. I was going to the next week ( but it was too late. We were not expecting her to die, but be discharged, so I didn't realise the urgency. Anyway, my thoughts are with you.

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         nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for that Polly.  I am fairly close to my uncle, but have such terrible memories of my father when he died that I feel that I just don't want to remember my uncle the same way, attached to tubes and pipes etc.
         
         I know I will probably regret not seeing him so I will try and get over to the hospital soon.

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      prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      it is hard time for the family, HUGS for you Nasus! I still suggest you can see him, and even if no words just being there is good,

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         nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Hi pretty. 
         
         Thanks for your words.  I am going to try and get over and see him this week.  I have been away over the weekend and it appears that he is being transferred to a hospital nearer home so it will be easier to visit him for all the family.

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            prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Hi Nassus, thats good,
            but don't try, just a HUG -- tight HUG will make a difference

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               nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Thanks Pretty.  I feel there will be hugs and hand holding along with free flowing tears. Followed hopefully by laughter as the memories are told and relived for his grandchildren to hear.

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                  nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  I'm a poet and didn't even know it.  Can't believe that actually rhymed above.

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                     prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     yes you're a poet, a good one --
                     
                     that will be good you are going to meet him, but if tears will flow, smile afterwards,  update us then!

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   2uesdayposted 14 years ago

   Knowing that you are there for her will help. Encourage her to spend as much time as she wants with him and the family.
   
   Let her cry, be grumpy or shout whatever she feels like as she will be on an emtional roller-coaster. She needs to spend time with him to say the things now that she needs to share with him.
   
   I have never ventured into this forum before - I lost someone to cancer two years ago. We thought they could cure him but it was not to be.
   
   My 'children' helped me cope in different ways but by being there mostly and sometimes just by offering me a cup of tea and someone to talk to helped.

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      nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hi 2uesday
      
      Thank you for your comments.  I will definately be there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on or a cuppa. 
      
      It is just horrible seeing her going through this and bringing all the memories back of when my father died 19 years ago to cancer.   She sat at his bedside for as long as the hospital would allow her to back then and I hate the thought that she is remembering that horrid time again.

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   2uesdayposted 14 years ago

   You sound like a very close family, I hope that will be of help to you all in the weeks to come. I cannot find the right words, I am sorry.

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      nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your thoughts though 2uesday.  It is of help to me just being able to air my thoughts on here, even if nobody replies it helps me.  Thanks again.

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   rebekahELLEposted 14 years ago

   so sorry to hear. I would encourage supporting her with your presence if possible. visiting him would be a huge show of support. times like these are so important even if difficult.
   I wish you and your family strength. your uncle will love to see you.

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      nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hi rebekahELLE
      
      Thank you for your kind wishes of support.  I am pleased to say that I will be visiting him tonight, but apparently he has already started to weaken and has taken to his bed. 
      
      Family are rallying round well and supporting each other though.

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   herbdrposted 14 years ago

   Hi there, my job is to console and comfort the terminally ill yes and I am exceptionally good at it. With that said if he is still responsive there is slim hope with holistic means due to time and even slimmer with traditional due to the fact that they stop chemo. He needs to be able to swallow to use most holistic information. Let me make it clear that I am not a DOCTOR and I AM NOT GIVING YOU ADVICE just telling you about others who survived, I have no financial interest in the products mentioned. The ultimate decision is in the hands of Faith! I can't give you my links or hubs but until UNCLE GIVES UP, Google and search for natural products that have alledged cytotoxic behavior with cancer cells. I will include you and your family in my most sincere prayers.

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      nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Herbdr
      
      Thank you for your comments and suggestions.  Unfortunately my uncle is now quite weak and already not taking food and limited fluid. 
      
      I fear it will not be long before he passes on.

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   nasus loopsposted 14 years ago

   Hi everyone.
   
   I have been to see my uncle tonight and did not no what to expect really.  However even after speaking with my mum this morning I was still surprised to see how quickly he had deteriorated.  I was expecting him to be able to talk, but he was just able to open his eyes, put his hand out for me to hold and say a very quiet hello.  I must say that looking at him I fear that we do not have weeks on our side, it looks more like days as it appears he has given up the fight.  He no longer wants any help from the medical profession, although I think I have managed to convince my aunt to get the Dr out tomorrow.  Bless her she is being so strong, but you can see that she is wilting inside.  I prey that he dies peacefully and as bad and horrible as it sounds soon so that he can be at peace, and so that his wife, my aunt, does not have to see the man she has loved for so many years die a horrible drawn out death.
   
   The tears have flowed from my eyes tonight, but I feel happy that I have seen him before he passes.
   
   Thank you all for your kind thoughts

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   joeleebassyposted 14 years ago

   My friend, trust and have faith in God because there's nothing God can not do. It may be hard to overcome today but i know that God can seize the storm of your life.

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      nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Joeleebassy.  I wish I could believe in what you say, but with so much death by illness in my family I find it very hard to believe in him.  I believe that there may be life after death and it is these people that sometimes protect us when we are in need of it, but I do not feel able to put my faith anywhere else these days.  I wish  I could!

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   wambuposted 14 years ago

   Hi I don't know if you believe in miracles but i do.
   
   Say a prayer and thanks God for him. Ask God for Guidance, many people have seen God's own hand turn around situations that man couldn't do a thing about. It is the power of faith and prayer.
   
   I Got a miracle when my nephew almost died a month ago.He is now healthy> Nothing is impossible to God. Just ask him.
   
   Ask your uncle to repent his sins before God, we all have to do that, sick or healthy.Let Jesus take control. He will if you ask him.

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   billchucksposted 14 years ago

   i am speechless. as i do not know what to say
   though i be speechless. i ask God to give u the courage and ur mum the courage to be able to see u guys through this predicament. strengthen ur faith and if its God's will ur uncle would be well again

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      nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your kind wishes billchucks.  The family as a whole are sticking together and taking it in turns to visit daily so as not to tire him out to much.  I am grateful for your prayers, even though I am not a follower of God, I do not understand his logic for removing people from this earth (but that's another story though).
      
      Thank you again and we will try to stay strong for each other.

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    Cagsilposted 14 years ago

    Hey Nasus loops,
    
    Best wishes and thoughts go out to you and your family.

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       nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks for you thoughts Cagsil

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    pinkyleeposted 14 years ago

    many good thoughts and wishes your way and to your family as well.

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       nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you for your thoughts and wishes pinkylee.

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    Uma07posted 14 years ago

    I can understand the pain you and your family are going through.Sometimes nothing seems to be in our hands and have to take things as they come in our life.Sorry your uncle is suffering so much.

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       nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Uma07.  Thanks for your comment.  Thankfully it appears that he is in no pain, so the painkillers he is taking must be working.  Following a hospital appointment yesterday they have said no more than 8 weeks.  The only grace I think we all have is that his immediate family seem to have excepted what is going to happen and are just enjoying him for the time that is left.

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    nasus loopsposted 14 years ago

    I have just received the news that my Uncle died during the night.  It can only be said that although he will be sorely missed by all friends and family, he is finally out of the misery that cancer causes its sufferers. 
    
    Thank you all again for your kind thoughts during the past few weeks.

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    Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

    nasus loops, sorry to see this thread and its progression over the last several weeks; and, of course, sorry to know your uncle lost his battle with cancer.  You're right, though - at least he's no longer suffering with that devastating illness.  Condolences.

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       nasus loopsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you Lisa HW.

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