Don't normally do personal stuff on HP but I feel so down

1. 40

   Spacey Graceyposted 13 years ago

   Had another eye appointment today - been going on for a year because I mentioned a visual disturbance to my optician and she referred me. Now I've got to go for an MRI. I wish I'd never said anything. I'm sure it'll turn out to be nothing and I hate all these appointments and tests and its freaking me out.

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   WryLiltposted 13 years ago

   Hi,
   I hope everything's alright. I'm sure it will probably be only something silly. Maybe the beginning of something simple to fix, like cataracts?
   Is that the only thing getting you down or is it just one of those final straw things?

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   Spacey Graceyposted 13 years ago

   Hiya - glad you are around. I just feel like my poor old body is falling apart and I am only 29!
   
   In the last 3 weeks me and my son have done 5 hospital appointments between us. I am so grateful that we dont have to pay but I'd just like a bit of normality. Was really hoping to get discharged today but they said my peripheral vision test wasnt good so need an mri.
   
   I know there are worse problems in the world I just needed to sulk a bit. Can't sulk on facebook like because a friend is laid up in hospital with a broken back - thought I might look a bit selfish moaning about an eye test

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   WryLiltposted 13 years ago

   That's ok, I know the feeling. I'm only 24 and having one baby has given me everything from repeated sciatic and back pain to ugly stretch marks in places you don't want to know!
   
   What's wrong with your son? Is he alright?
   
   And yes, I know what you mean about facebook. I don't even really like to share most of my hubs on there. Weird how it feels more comfortable to talk to strangers than people we know - I guess because strangers take us at face value while friends bring all their own baggage as well as what they know of your baggage into the equation.

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   Joe Badtoeposted 13 years ago

   Hey Stacey G
   
   You'll be fine as will your boy just stay positive and think of the tests as temporary intrusions and not a portent of anything darker.
   
   Think past the problems and what you want to do after the treatment.
   
   Take Care

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   CASE1WORKERposted 13 years ago

   I know what you mean!
   The thing is they like to check and then tell you there is naught wrong - actually would rather take that than have something wrong!
   
   Anyway who wants to see around corners!
   
   Best of luck and when it all gets too much just write a hub!

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      sofsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Stacey, I know what you feel like at the moment, at 29 you don't to be facing such things.  Just stay positive and all will be well.  It is okay to talk about it when you feel like it, I will keep you and your son in my prayers. God bless!

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   mega1posted 13 years ago

   Spacey - if you are getting depressed over this and maybe other things, its always good to get some talk time in with people who really know what people your age are going through. I hope you will find someone like that to talk with and get some advice.
   
   I know that this particular age is very, very hard and people don't recognize that.  Coming up on 30 and thinking you have reached some sort of deadline is often the feeling people get - it colors everything in their lives.  It seems like everything is moving so fast!  You have to remember that it is another passage of life you are going through and it will change, since that's the nature of life - change.  You do have alot of control of how those changes go in all the small decisions you make everyday and so make them as positive as you can. A part of you is probably feeling anxious because you recognize how important these years are for you and the decisions you make now will affect all the rest of your life.  But you can take control.  I know that hospitals, medical tests and doctors are draining on your spirit - but be glad you have the option for the care you need to find out for sure whats happening with your eyes -just be sure you live as positively and happily as you can, get as much sunshine and natural beauty in your life as you can - and enjoy your young one!  He is changing too!

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   Cagsilposted 13 years ago

   Hey Spacey, if it's not bothering you, then don't bother with the appointments. If it is still a worry, yet you're going to all these different appointments...then how is that they haven't figured out what is wrong?
   
   Try to relax, not get so stressed out. My mother was the same way, she refuses to tell her doctor if there is something wrong with her and she keeps postponing seeing him, because she doesn't want to be poked or prodded, by all different people.
   
   So, either make the choice(if still bothering you), if it bothers you enough to have the poking and prodding done. If it does bother you that much, then don't get yourself down about it, because you're doing something about it. The doctors are only there to try and help.
   
   If it doesn't bother you that much, then what's the point?
   
   Just a thought.

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   paradigmsearchposted 13 years ago

   Our beloved, corrupt medical system at work…
   
   A year to diagnose an eye problem? Yeah, right!
   
   They are just racking up as many charges as they can. And as far as they are concerned, to h*ll with the emotional pain it causes the patient.

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    Kathryn LJposted 13 years ago

    So sorry that your having a tough time.  You wouldn't be human if you didn't worry.  Hospitals are run, in the main, for the convenience of the staff and patients like you can be put through the emotional ringer, without the medical service giving a 2nd thought for your emotional welfare.  Here's hoping that this situation will be resolved quickly.  My good wishes go out to you.

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    gracenotesposted 13 years ago

    Spacey,
    I'm sorry you are down.  I hope things look up soon.
    
    Know what you mean about the eye doctor.  I have two ophthalmologists, and appointments never run less than 2.5 hours.
    With having my eyes dilated each time, I just have to plan for inconvenience.

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    Lily Roseposted 13 years ago

    My philosophy is better safe than sorry!  Had I gone with my initial reaction when I felt a lump in my breast and not made an appointment to check it out I might not be here today - and I'd rather be here with my current mountain of medical bills (because, yes, it was breast cancer) than not be here to watch my kids grow up.
    
    I'm not trying to minimize what you are saying in any way, just trying to encourage you that getting tests done even when you may feel that they are not necessary or that the problem is trivial can be good.  If it turns out to be nothing, be thankful.  If you have to, pay $5 a month for the bills that will ensue.  If it turns out to be not so good news, grab onto someone and squeeze hard - think positive thoughts and be strong.
    
    Did I go too far?

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       Spacey Graceyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       No Lily Rose - that was fine and I am very very very fortunate to live in the UK where beyond petrol and car parking there are no bills to pay for medical treatment / tests. People here really dont know how good they've got it sometimes.

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    Maddie Ruudposted 13 years ago

    Gracey,
    
    I've been having my own medical mystery in the form of a constant headache for the past six months, and I've had countless tests, including an MRI and an MRA (which is the same procedure, but shows blood vessels).  I can't tell you having an MRI is fun, but it's at least not directly painful like some other tests.  It is extremely loud in there, and if you're claustrophobic, you will want to tell them when you schedule your appointment so they can give you a sedative beforehand.  I had prepared some visualizations, but I found that I wasn't able to concentrate enough to actually execute them with all the noise.  I found that it was best just to close my eyes and try to make mental music out of the banging and clanging.  It actually took less time than I expected, in the end.
    
    So while it's totally scary and un-fun, take it from me that it is completely survivable.  And it's much better to have the test and be able to rule out some much scarier and un-funner medical conditions.
    
    Sending you good thoughts...

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14. 40

    Spacey Graceyposted 13 years ago

    Thanks HP people - you have all been so kind. I'm gonna have the MRI done because I think I've got this far I might as well see it through - plus my mum would kill me if I didn't. She has lost the sight in one eye, as did her uncle, grandmother, and her mother before her. I am quite sure it will be nothing and at least the test will help me draw a line under it.
    
    A friend just came over who had an MRI done last year so I know a bit about what I will be letting myself in for.
    
    Maddie - that must be awful for you because not only are you worrying about what is wrong but at you are in pain too. Never heard of an MRA so I have learnt something new today.

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       EmpressFelicityposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Is it possible then that you've got what they had and that whatever-it-is is hereditary?  Best get it sorted pronto! 
       
       Agree with you about us being lucky here in Britain - I would hate to survive a life-threatening illness, only to be snowed under with medical bills afterwards.

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          Pcunixposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Here in the states, we have a big pile of very foolish people who insist that we "can't afford" health care.
          
          It's a wonderful country - if it were not for all the fools we have living here.

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    Pcunixposted 13 years ago

    Well, your eyes are important.
    
    But why not seek a second opinion?  I have had one posterior vitreous detachment, which was scary (especially as I have been warned several times that I am likely  go blind in one or both eyes eventually) but when what seemed to me to be the exact same thing happened again, I went to another doctor and was informed that this was only a "retinal migraine" and nothing to worry about.
    
    I also have had some annoying fainting episodes and went through a whole gamut of testing with multiple doctors which turned up absolutely nothing.   It's been over ten years now and I'm not dead yet, so it either is really nothing or it will kill me someday and an autopsy will show them what they missed - either way, I'm done with being poked and prodded for that.
    
    Doctors aren't always very good at their jobs, but they are always good at spending your money and time.  I'd ask another doctor.  If they say it merits more tests, fine.

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16. 40

    Spacey Graceyposted 13 years ago

    Hmmmmm but I like my eye doctor - he is quite tasty looking
    
    I also havea history of migraine which is seriously not helping the matter - because the minute they shine those lights in my eye, on comes another attack and I can't see properly anyway.
    
    I'll go to the MRI and the follow up and hopefully that will be it. If they want more tests after that I'll think about it but I do think that once you are in the system the prodding is pretty relentless until you wave the white flag and say enough.

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       gracenotesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       LOL!
       
       So are my two doctors.  What are the odds that two in a row would be this good-looking?
       
       Seriously, have the tests.  And I hope for the best for you.
       
       I've had two eye surgeries this year -- they had good outcomes, but there's always a risk lurking with surgery.  My sister has bad migraines, and has also had lots of eye problems this year.  I think we've just got this running in our family.

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    mega1posted 13 years ago

    my problem with the medical estab is that they often, very often, miss the very obvious things - like they never ask what you've been eating, seldom aske about your sleep patterns or if there's extra stress going on -  when you're a young mother they often miss the obvious things - like the fact that you're learning a whole new 24 hour a day job.  Sometimes its something as simple as too much coffee -or not enough sleep  or both.  I speak from experience.  I've had to learn to examine myself and know my own health and see what I can do first, before I go consult a doc.  and the cruddy thing is, the kind of wholistic drs who can really help are often not covered by the insurance!

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    lorlie6posted 13 years ago

    Hi Spacey-I understand what you mean by 'sharing' here rather than on FB, but don't forget that your suffering and fear are just as legitimate as those with broken backs.  It's all very relative.  I hope you find it's nothing, and best to be proactive in a situation as this.
    All my best.

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    Aficionadaposted 13 years ago

    I want to agree with Lily Rose, EmpressFelicity, mega1, lorlie6, and gracenotes - especially since you have a family history of problems.  What a pain to have to go through this! But at the same time if there actually is a problem it is best to catch it as early as possible.  My MIL lost a great deal of her sight because she didn't get her eyes checked early enough.
    
    My comment about medical practitioners everywhere in the world and of every description (including witch doctors) is this: medicine is NOT an exact science.  Sometimes it is called a "soft science."  A lot of variables can interact in various ways to affect health - as mega1 mentioned - and the very best of doctors can't always identify with certainty what is going on.  It may be worth asking for second or third opinions; definitely mention everything that might have a bearing, even if the doctor doesn't think to ask.  But also understand that he is probably just as frustrated as you are, not to have a clear diagnosis after all this time.

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