Is it possible to never work a real job and lead a positive life?
My husband and I are opposites. He is the work 5 days a week to pay for a house and car type while I am the free spirit who likes to just pick up and go, see new places, never be tied down type. He says it isn't possible for adults to lead a positive (setting a good example for children) and productive life without working (a lot) to get there. Surely there is a way right? Do people have to be tied to a certain house and a job to live a fulfilling positive life? What are the options? Is the answer different based on if the person has children?
Each of us is here to live life in our own way. I tried the whole work you way up the corporate ladder gig and I was miserable. I was born to be a free spirit. I still make money, I pay the bills and have shown my children that we don't have to do what others "think we should" and that it's perfectly ok to be one's own person, but with that comes the responsibility to care for oneself and others. I think a lot of people buy the hype that you have to punch a time clock to be "successful" - I don't, and I choose sanity over misery. As long as I am paying my bills, my taxes and I'm a productive member of society who should really give a rats rear end how I do it? There are different "right ways" for everyone. If someone is happy working for others and doing a 9 to 5 more power to them. If others prefer to freelance or be self-employed more power to them too. I would just add that being self-employed requires discipline, initiative and the ability to be resourceful - all good lessons for kids in my book as well. Who defines what a "real" job is anyway?
Peeples, as a little girl we moved a lot. I was an Air Force brat. Even after my folks divorced and my mom remarried, we still moved a lot. It was very hard on me. I went to a different school every couple of years. That's hard on a kid. I never had time to make friends and when I did we'd up and leave. It hurt and made me angry and I had a difficult time knowing how to have a lasting relationship as an adult. It was hard to open up and let others in. I'm sure that has everything to do with why I've been married and divorced twice - both times it was my choice to divorce.
Think about that. Kids need stability, especially when they're young.
If your husband makes enough to support the family, maybe you can be a stay-at-home mom. My mom stayed home all our lives. Without that constant, I probably would have been more difficult than I was.
You really need to do what's best for your kids.
On the one hand, I adapt easily to new situations due to moving a lot. On the other hand, I don't know what it's like to have a lasting relationship whether with a love interest or a friend.
Think about it.
Same here sort of, foster care was constant moving, sadly I became use to it and now sitting still or doing the same thing long becomes agony. I often wonder if there is a middle ground that gives stability to kids and variety for me! Thanks!
Sha U have really hit on something profound & Peeple's reply fortified it. Our history says SO much. My entire life, same street, same house, same 2 bio parents, schedules, routines, habits, structure up the wazoo! I'm a homebody.No surprise!
Peoples, look for work at home jobs or start freelancing. Turn your hobbies into paying gigs. You guys seem to take a lot of day trips. There's plenty you can do to satisfy your free spirit. Our lives get put on the back burner when we become parents
Yeah, I guess I am just going through a selfish panic moment of "what if I don'ts".
I really took the time to think about how to say this, because I hate to dash anyone's dreams or fantasies...............However
JUST MY OPINION BASED ON LIFE EXPERIENCES:
Is it different when "there are children?" Every single little tiny thing changes or is ultimately subject to change due to our precious K-I-D-S.
In just 2 or 3 minutes, I/we can list dozens....maybe hundreds of things in the lives of 2 people that change the very second you hear that newborn wail.
Ready? Attitude in general, home atmosphere, finances, schedules, responsibilities, free time, priorities, self-care, relationships, sex life, habits, hobbies, ......are you thinking of MORE things that "change" once there is even only ONE baby? OK. add one or 2 more.....Anything & everything we once had, did, wanted to do or any place we planned to go......well, let's face it, it all goes into a pile in the middle.
If it's GOOD/responsible/ healthy/safe/realistic for the KIDS....we can maybe discuss it further with the result being the BEST for the kids.
All decisions point toward their lives, health, happiness, safety, education, development, future stability....etc etc etc.....(sigh)
Now, what was it you were saying about that "free spirit?" Well, I can't say I blame you for being that sort of personality....and in fact, it sure would be wonderful to BE a free spirit. Your husband has both feet planted firmly on the ground and tells it like it is.
This does not mean that your free spirit can't win out now and then. Don't ever change who you are. You love one another and your children for the individuals you are. That's great!
Bottom line? If this were a voting booth, peeples, I would have no choice but to vote for your husband's way of thinking!....Save your energy for when the darlings have all left the nest. There'll be plenty of time to be a free spirit! Really. (and then your husband can spend his time consoling you when you cry your empty nest song because you "miss the kids!!".).........LOL
Debbie Downer aren't you! LOL! Damn you! I want a middle ground that keeps me fulfilled and my kids fulfilled! I love parenting, but it isn't enough! I need something to add to it. Variety. Maybe he is right! Maybe I'll have to wait! Thanks Paula!
LMAO!! And this is WHY no one would ever accuse me of soft-soaping or beating around the bush. I tell it like it is even if it hurts a little!! (or a lot!! LOL)
"productive life without working (a lot) to get there."
I'm not sure what that statement means. Does he mean you should get a job? You seem to have a full-time job keeping a great home and raising your kids.
Going back to the dark ages when I was a stay-at-home mom, I wasn't satisfied either, but then I was thrown into the rat race after a divorce. My kids were 7 and 10 at the time. Now looking back, I'm glad for those years that I did stay at home with them. Sometimes I wish I could relive them -- with a sober father, of course.
I found creative things to occupy my time, so I know it is possible for you. There is so much more to do today than when my kids were small. But maybe that's only part of the problem. Perhaps you need to get a sitter and get out by yourself or maybe have lunch with a gal pal. My kid's father used to give me one night a week out with my girl friends, and I savored every minute of that. Try it, you might like it, even if he doesn't.
It depends on your situation. I know you have several children, and their needs change as they get older. If your husband has a great income, maybe you can make it. However, we would have never made it without two incomes. Cheerleader uniforms, sports programs, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, spending money, babysitting fees, clothes, to name a few all cost a lot of money for us. Then, if they go to college, You may have to help with their tuition, fees, books etc. If you live a simple life without a lot of extra expenses, maybe you could make it. When appliances and furniture need replacement, that also costs. Maybe you could be a part time free spirit, or make it if you are frugal. Your life style will determine your destiny.
To best answer this question it is important to understand your view of a "real" job (I'm not sure if I understand your view of a real job). For example, even today with the growing number of people who earn most or all of their income from home, there is still a stigma attached to those who are not physically working outside of their homes. Just a few of these "jobs" include various jobs in the trillion dollar film & music industries, writers, bloggers, moms/dads, caregivers who are relatives, day traders, salespeople, entrepreneurs and contractors in a variety of industries, and many others. Yet, these people, to the uninformed or cynical, are considered to not have "real" jobs or careers.
With this diverse group of "workers" I'd say it's quite possible to never work a "real" job and lead a positive life while setting a positive example for children and others who may wish to do the same. Particularly where children are concerned, I think it's important to instill in them from an early age that they can (and should) be more than worker bees in life who are pressured into to physically going out and working for someone rather than for themselves no matter where/how the work takes place.
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