Please help!

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   schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years ago

   I'm just upset cause my dad's wake is tomorrow and funeral monday. Anything I can do to calm myself when flustered? thanks!

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      ytsenohposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      There is no calm before the storm when you lose a parent.  The calm follows.  Develop some mantras to help soothe the turmoil which can be overwhelmingly emotional routinely.  There is no quick easy solution when the loss is so fresh having lived this experienced.  Most sorry for your loss.

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         schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thankyou.
         What I wanted to say too is, my siblings have been really deceptive to me today by hiding information I need to know and messing up my plans. It hurts that they don't seem to care. And so now I'm trying to not only be calm w/ everything but to make other plans.
         I feel like they don't want me there and I'm probably wrong, but they're acting funny because I admitted how stressed I've been lately. I don't know. I mean I could always leave early...confused

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   Pearldiverposted 12 years ago

   I'm sorry to know that you are so unhappy, though I understand why..
   
   Please don't mock me for suggesting this.. but I have found that when you re-focus your conscious mind, it almost immediately re-focuses your unconscious mind (and Visa Versa).
   
   Take a camera and go for a 2 - 3 hour walk if you can (but don't make an excuse).
   Photograph the irony of nature (as a subject) from the perspective of the party to the irony. Make it a project and try to gain 100 great shots.
   
   This is a highly beneficial exercise because it requires you to focus on all your senses and thus you have the ability of relating your own success of the project to the loss and in that respect, you also able to consider your Dad in a whole different, creative light.   - Now what can you do with 100 pics of nature?
   
   This REALLY DOES work.. but you have to want to re-channel that energy that is bringing you down. Good Luck.... Take Care

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I will and goodnite!

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         CASE1WORKERposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Been there, got the tee shirt!
         You will get through it better than you think, honestly.
         Your siblings might be behaving a bit "odd" because that is there way of coping with it all.

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            schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks. It ended up working out great.

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   Harlan Coltposted 12 years ago

   Low lights, peace and quiet with a fan for white noise helps me relax. Prayer and meditation. Its hard to tell another what works. I hope you find that special place where you can find a little peace as you walk this trying time. I pray for your comfort my friend. - Harlan

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   Lisa HWposted 12 years ago

   schoolgirlforreal, I'm sorry to read that you've just lost your father.  I'm not sure you can do much to feel much better right now, but maybe the thing is to keep in mind that, right now, the only thing that matters is getting yourself through the next hour, and then the next hour after that, and then the next after that - etc.  I think maybe it might help if you think to yourself, "Right now, I'm not going to think about anyone or anything.  There's time for thinking about any problems with the siblings another day."  In other words, sometimes the only thing we can do is to set aside everything but the most immediate and important thing (which is trying to get, and be, ready for your father's wake).  Maybe, too, it might help if you just decide to say to the siblings, "Right now isn't the time for any of us having any issues.  Let's just agree to get along and pull together right now, because none of us needs more to deal with than just the wake and the new few days."
   
   If you still have your mother, I'd imagine it could really help her if her kids just agreed not to have any issues.  After the next few days is over, everyone can kind of go their own way and do their own thing.  (Again, I don't know if you can do this kind of thing, or if it would at all help - but it's all I can think of.)

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      thankyou so much.

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   mary615posted 12 years ago

   I am SO sorry for your loss, and for the bad attitude of your siblings.  That certainly doesn't make your life any easier at this point.  I have lived long enough to have gone through some very heartbreaking events (deaths included). It's never easy.  I do hope you have other loving family members and friends who will support you and help you get through this.
   Again, I am deeply sorry.  Please accept a GREAT BIG HUG from me.

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      thankyou so much. xo

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         Druid Dudeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         My sincere condolences. I lost my mom in '06 (February) and my sister in November same year. It is never easy, and those of faith take things just as hard as those of no faith, but always remember your father well. His essence isn't  gone, just unseen. Peace

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            schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Thank you.
            
            That was beautiful.

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   schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years ago

   Thank you all.
   
   Things are better and all went well.
   
   You were right about relatives handling it differently but thankfully we got along good those two days.
   
   My Mom is doing well but I know it's hard after 52 yrs...I'd not be so taking it well personally. but. She's strong.
   
   I keep in touch with some siblings like Mary, and we talk about how we are feeling and how it's affecting work or life in general. I had trouble eating for a day and sleeping.
   
   I don't keep in touch w/ all my siblings but that's ok, there's 10 of us
   
   I'm so glad to be back to hubpages, a "home" in a real sense.
   
   I think the weirdest thing for me, not to mention just being relieved mostly after 3 yrs of his suffering and hell of up and down rollercoaster, is how I'm okay one day and then not so ok the next.
   
   with God's help I am healing.
   And thankyou all!!!!
   
   
   Love
   Schoolgirlforreal

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