Should you give money to family if they are being financially irresponsible?
If a family member asks for money and you loaned it, and you see that the money is being spent on partying and shopping, instead of bills, do you have the right to tell them how they should be using the money? Do you have the right to control how they use the money loan?
yes you should have the right to tell them especially if you are paying the loan. Usually if a family member is not good in handling money, I do not gave them my hard earned money, I will let them experience how hard to get money so they will not just spend it from partying and shopping.
I have a son who misuses money often. When he needs money for something, I pay for that item directly, not give him the money to do it. Then he has to come by my house and earn the money. Mow my lawn, clean the garage...
I know the family member may not always be close enough for that arrangement or that it may be a larger sum you are talking about. In either of those cases, it is perfectly acceptable to lay out terms. Just be prepared for them to test the boundaries.
Dave Ramsey's financial books go into this in detail. If you give someone money and they then blow it on eating out or a vacation after complaining they cannot pay the electric bill, you have the right to be mad.
If someone is irresponsible and begs for money, you have the right to require responsibility - such as taking a financial education course or setting up a budget.
You are actually making things worse if you give them money that they then blow, worsening your financial situation without helping them improve their situation. The book "Boundaries" also talks about how to set boundaries with relatives who assume they can demand money from you and guilt trip if you don't.
If they are starving, take them to the grocery store and buy a cart of real food for them. If getting evicted, pay for a week at a hotel for them.
They do not have a right to YOUR money. If they ask, you also have the right to refuse.
Once you've given it to them, how much control you have of it is limited. You can set terms before you loan, but they may not follow them, and the best way you have to control is buy the item for them as opposed to give them cash.
You can also tell them you won't loan again if they don't get their act together
You have the right to say no. If they let you believe it was going to be spent wisely, but was blown and they're back to zero, then let them know that your well is dry.. If they keep begging then give them a printed list of financial education courses (many are free provided by government or large banks)... that will be "helping them to learn to fish", rather than giving them a fish.
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