Why do some people like to be mean?

1. 60

   smzclarkposted 13 years ago

   Why do some people like to be mean?
   
   I really struggle to understand why so many people who live in the same world as me get a kick out of hurting others, are happy as long as someone else is miserable and get horribly angry with jealousy when they see that someone (even a friend or a family member) is doing a bit better than themselves.

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2. 0

   Curiadposted 13 years ago

   Well, this is a complex issue and there is no one answer. Some people are insecure, and in an unconscious attempt to gain security they lash out at others, and try to minimize others in order to "Feel Better". I wrote a hub a while back that I think is very appropriate for this question:
   
   http://curiad.hubpages.com/hub/Living-i … -of-Denial

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3. 80

   Express10posted 13 years ago

   I believe that these people are self-important and cannot imagine that others are pushed away with their negativity. Some people enjoy bringing negativity or pain to others and I have seen this in public particularly among women and girls who haven't even seen or met one another before.
   
   Family members may feel that it's a good way to bring a more successful or popular member of the family down to the mean person's level. Some people are mean because they have been dealt a bad hand in life or they have actively and stupidly chosen the bad had with their own bad choices.

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4. 87

   Beata Stasakposted 13 years ago

   We like to constantly compare ourselves to others and people with very low self esteem need to prove constantly ourselves by 'putting others down'...the only thing we can do is to feel sorry for them....until they manage to improve their self esteem by other means or mature enogh to see it pointless and not worthy of human beings....you can not do anything else...just to feel sorry for them as they never achieve to be happy and content...one may only wonder why:)

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5. 76

   donnatruposted 13 years ago

   I think mean people who enjoy hurting others feel empowered and enjoy the control they believe they have when acting out in such a disturbing manner. In today's society many people view any acts of kindness as a weakness! Disgusting but true. Mean people are  ruthless and without conscious.

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6. 85

   pstraubie48posted 13 years ago

   i do not know really but can only surmise that in doing so they gain some kind of sick satisfaction. they are covering some basic insecurities and imperfections in their lives by belittling and treating shabbily others they encounter. it gives them  power they would not have otherwise IF the individual who is on the receiving end of it allows them to have that power. i am only glad that i do not run into those types often....the world is full of so many who are NOT mean that is cancels out those infrequent encounters i have....

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7. 0

   susanm23bposted 13 years ago

   I find myself wondering about this often--when I have been the victim of some of this "meanness".
   A lack of empathy for others is key here--people say things often having no idea how hurtful their words are. 
   Some people are wounded--either from the actions of others OR by their own bad choices.  Hurting others somehow elevates their status in their own minds. And then there are the passive aggressives whose anger is buried and enjoy hurting others but can't embrace their own negative emotions, thus have to be sneaky about it.

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8. 0

   onlookerposted 13 years ago

   we all have "those" people in our lives don't we! I think they have insecurities and of course with that comes complexes to hide things, pretend stuff, be mean. I for one, feed on those people..because rudeness i cant stand. For example: some of my cousins have always had a thing for me, looking at me, what m wearing, shoes, bag etc and they always have something smart to say about it, to get me down and i always i am happy to oblige. I actually flaunt myself in-front of them, too bad they're not me and i have a laugh about it and they don't. Sweetheart, you have to feel good about yourself and there shall be no one in the world that can shake you. People just like to feed on other people, those are sad people remember that.

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9. 79

   mbyLposted 13 years ago

   i think there is not only one answer on your question. One aspect is, for example, if the individuum had a difficult childhood. This way they can evolve a narcisstic disorder. From own experience ( I know someone who used to be very dear to me) I can tell that those people often can't be taken responsible for their behaviour. In some cases I would say that they feel very insecure and in order to overcome such psychic stress they need other persons to see suffer, to make them suffer in order to think " yes, I am better than him/her". This boosts they self-confidence, otherwise they would go under. Such problems can often make interpersonal relationships extremely complicated to unbearable. Maybe the next time just try to have a calm talk with such persons, but as I know, they will never learn nor try to change their behaviour, because in their eyes, they don't see what they are doing wrong.
   I could talk a lot more and explicit but I hope this gives you a bit insight.

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10. 57

    wim99posted 13 years ago

    Anger is a psychological dimension that some psychologists spend a lifetime studying and still don't understand. Inherit within the personality, anger response can be triggered by many factors, not all psychological. Meaness is one of those traits that is expressed when the mind crosses the psychological threshold, and people act out at the contextual stimuli. Some meaness is genetic, some enviromental, but most hostility is a response to the given stimuli.

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11. 51

    castlefan08posted 13 years ago

    some people don't seem to care about whether they hurt others or not and for some strange reason they seem to get a kick out of it.
    however if you really look at the people that hurt others you will find that they are insecure about something in their life so therefore they think picking on other people will stop people from looking at them too closely

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12. 60

    cdatheyposted 13 years ago

    People act mean and jealous because they are insecure and do not feel good about themselves.  I can't stand people that do that.  I always try to live by the old saying, treat others as you want to be treated even when I'm having a bad day.

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13. 58

    thoughtwomanposted 13 years ago

    I think fear and self-loathing lead people to mask their insecurities with meanness and hatred toward others.

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14. 78

    Laura Matkinposted 13 years ago

    I like Curiad's answer but want to add that our culture today encourages 'meanness'.  Sarcasm has been linked to intelligence and 'comedy' through the media.  Many people now think that what was once considered rude or back talk is funny and makes them come off as smart and witty.   As being sarcastic and rude are now socially acceptable at least in Hollywood's opinion people are getting that 'Feel Better' feeling from putting others down and at the same time they misguidedly think that's what a 'smart person' does.

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15. 71

    Ralph Deedsposted 13 years ago

    I'm not sure of the answer; however I suspect there may well be several answers to the question. One reason that some children are mean is to gain acceptance by their "in group" peers who are bullying or being mean in other ways to an unfortunate classmate. Others have learned to be mean from parents or siblings who have been mean to them when they were children. And, as several have said, feelings of insecurity can lead to several forms of dysfunctional behavior--meanness to others, boasting, extreme shyness, unnecessary spending on ego-boosting clothes, jewelry, cars, McMansions and other material things.

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16. 61

    proactrdvposted 13 years ago

    I remember going on this trip and people were mean to me and my wife. I was very upset because I really tried to get along with everyone. It simply gives them power over somone else and they enjoy it. They get a thrill out of picking fights, insulting people and especial seeing hurt expressions on peoples' faces. It gives them a since of accomplishment. Seek out people who are nice, understanding, and desire to be friendly and have more of a helpful and positive attitude. I know how you feel and I assume you're not mean. Don't let others make you mean.

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17. 81

    Brett Winnposted 13 years ago

    Mean people are not happy. Mean people have small hearts.

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18. 69

    golfcart34posted 13 years ago

    This may sound like somebody's mother talking about the local bully, but I've often found that mean people tend to be insecure in themselves and tend to fear those who could possibly upstage them.  My now former manager was one of those types and she didn't like it when people actually solved the problems that she allowed to persist for months (and sometimes years) on end.  Eventually what happens is she will find ways to get rid of those people and make those who solve problems appear to be the problem only to repeat the cycle with somebody else. I actually feel great relief not having to work for her anymore and I do pity the person she decides to focus her negative attention on next.

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