What do you think about crying in public?
There is no question that most of us have already cried in public. Even if the last time was when we were kids. How do you fell when you lose it? What do you think when you see someone breaking down? Do you look the other way? Do you make any attempt to find out what it is and maybe comfort a person? Does it matter if it is a woman or a man? (I have seen men crying, but not hysterically).
Even as small boys we are taught crying in public is a bad thing for a male to do. I couldn't tell you how many times I've heard "Stop that crying and act like a Man" so we grow up with the stigma that a Man is not supposed to cry period. Which I think is a bunch of bunk. Actually, A real Man is comfortable enough to show their emotions although some do still feel uncomfortable doing so. Also we are expected to be strong for those around us when a traumatic event happens and warrants tears.
For me, it's a sign of weakness, that you cannot hold yourself together. Crying in public seems like a personal failure. The only times crying is appropriate consists of during movies, worrying for your children or loved ones, and getting physically hurt.
When someone else cries, it definately matters if it is a man or a woman. I don't look the other way. I try to figure out why they are crying and see if there is a viable reason for it.
Then do you judge them or sympathize with them?
I analyze, then either sympathize or judge. If it is a woman crying over a break up to an idiot, then I definately don't sympathize.
Great answer. I appreciate the feelings you shared.
I think that is very judgemental and heartless of you. Why do you think you have the right to dictate when crying is acceptable and when it isn't? Every emotion is valid, it doesn't make you a failure to have feelings and be affected by them.
I have to admit, I am very uncomfortable crying in front of someone or seeing someone else cry. When I see someone breaking down, I stay back. I know for me, if I was crying in public, I wouldn't want attention called to it. Unless the person is injured in some way or needs help, I would stand quietly back and give them space.
If they asked for help, I would be right there for them.
Sorry, I am pretty old fashioned, it does not bother me if a man tears up, but I could not handle a man bawling unless it was a really really traumatic situation.
Hello Kallini2010. Great question and worth looking into. This deserves a hub and hopefully occurs. Tears have all kinds of neat stuff about them when they occur. I don't remember all the things about them, yet the releasing of endorphins and such is a connection. Tears are a process of healing having both nature and nurture on its side. The sincerity of the feelings you shared asking the question brings those positive and powerful realizations of that process of healing.
A common experience with depression are tears, which at times are uncontrollable. I offer thanks to either God or Nature for providing that gift to each of us. I feel sad that socialization has modified that behavior over the centuries within civilizations of sorts.
Love stories tend to cause tears of joy many times. Appropriate, of course. Stories of human drama and trauma cause tears of mixed feelings laced with emotions. Appropriate, why not? And, tears come from odd things too. When my younger brother gets real mad, even today as an adult, he cries or sheds a tear. Personally, when I laugh incessantly for a moment or more watching '30 Rock' or 'How I Met Your Mother' and other comedies, tears are shed. Why?
And, just the other day, I stepped outside on a break, looked up and the sun was there. Its arms stretched wide, reached around the day, offered warmth and care to the birds fluttering along, the butterflies zigging and zagging, and the street traffic passing by. Not unusual to many, tears will form, and if not wiped by hand will certainly trickle down.
I stood there looking upward and the Vice President where I worked stepped through my office door seeking something in her vehicle.
"Are you alright?" was heard as I gently wiped those tears away.
"Yes, the sun does this to me," I said. And, then added, "Too much Vitamin-D, maybe . . ."
We smiled back to each other and together walked back to where the work of the day awaited that cure. Like a power pellet in Mario Brothers or some such game I was energized, ready again, and that desk just didn't look so ominous any longer . . .
Note: In the old chat world I visited we offered hugs for all kinds of things - sharing, seeking, answering, and more. Symbolically it looks something like this (((kallini2010)))
Interesting question, Kallini! I will not cry in public. Maybe at a funeral I may not be able to keep tears in my eyes. They might fall out! I regard crying as a confession that I have no self-control and that a problem or issue is too big for me to handle. Only over my dead body will I confess this with tears. But I do cry when I am alone, or with somebody I truly trust.
When I see a friend of mine breaking down, I will take him to a place where he/she cannot be a focus of attention for curious strangers, and I will help him to the best of my ability to regain his/her composure, even if it means biting my tongue while holding his hands and swallowing my own tears. (I normally cry (and laugh) with my friends.)
If I see a stranger losing his composure, I might ignore him, or, if I get the idea he/she really needs support, I might offer what is appropriate.
Svetlana, this question of yours is an ideal topic for a hub. Take care!
I think there is no shame in crying either in or out.No matter what puts you in a fragile state.If you feel like crying just cry,don t bolt it in .It doesn't matter that you're standing in full view of 200 persons, your tears (or full-on wracking sobs) cannot be stopped. It feels terrible, but there's no shame in it! You just have to ride it out and do what you can to minimize the damage.The best thing to do is the same thing you should do during an actual tornado: seek shelter.
if I see a person has a mini-breakdown in a public place,I will avert my eyes and continue my way to my destination because people don t like to see all the eyes of passersby parking at their spheres.Sometimes if you approach them,they will curse you and telling you to hit the road out of their sights.
I agree there is no shame. This weakness is temporary and who knows if you are not the next one?
Crying is normal and actually healthy - if a person cries in public, and I have, it just means they become so emotional in that the tears just come - so what - we are all human - it is good not to stare at people who cry in public.
When I see someone who is or has been crying, I feel for them. I don't like snivelling crybabies, but how do we know the cause of that grief? Perhaps they found out that they or a loved one has a terminal illness. Perhaps lost their job,home, or a family member. Sometimes couples will break up in public. It's not always easy to keep emotions under wraps. I would never stare, but I might ask if the person is okay if I feel it's not awkward.
I broke down in public more than once, and, no, I could not control, but the worst thing was that when nobody cared. There are usually a few people who come up and I am always grateful. It feels better.
I'm sorry. I don't think it was intentionally hurtful, rather that people don't know how to respond.
When I see someone crying in public, my heart goes out to them. As for myself, a few times that I couldn't stop myself from doing so, I didn't think about it; it was uncontrollable. I usually don't intervene if someone is crying, unless I get the feeling that they need some kind of help.
It's a matter of upbringing and culture. The 'stiff upper lip' attitude of some nationals - including England where I was born, and Australia where I've lived most of my life - tends to make one hold in the tears. However, I doubt it's good to do so. It just drives whatever has caused the sorrow deeper in one's mind. Tears are a natural part of life and should not be stifled. That's my opinion.
It used to be regarded as very unmanly to cry it public. But when an Australian Prime Minister, Bob Hawke, did so on occassion it began to become more acceptable out here in Aussie land.
Mind you, there are the tears of genuine sorrow and the tears of the angry spoiled child - even when the child an adult. We generally know the difference and willingly accept the former but abhor the tantrums of the spoilt.
I feel awkward either way. I don't like attracting attention to myself in that manner and can only imagine that others may feel awkward seeing me in such a state. If I see a total stranger crying in public, I have mixed feelings on how to handle it. I mean, what if they don't want me snooping in their business? Just because they are crying in public doesn't make it an announcement for anyone to impose on their meltdown (at least that's how I feel if I end up slightly loosing it in public). However, if I were to see someone crying at a particular scene that looked like it brought on the tears, I may ask if there is something I can do to help with the situation. I haven't really had public experiences like this, so, it's really difficult to say how I'd respond for sure. But crying, whether it's me or someone else, is awkward for me.
When dealing with emotion, it is okay to cry in public rather than hide it. It is a natural release that will be good for the body. I do know some people tend to hide their emotions and holding back their tears. But not knowing that this is not good in health term.
If you need a good cry, release it and you will feel much better thereafter.
Crying is the external expression of intense emotion, and just like death, we don't choose the time or place for it to happen, so it might on occasion happen in public. I don't think anybody cries for the fun of it, so anyone with only half the brain working properly should understand that it can happen to anybody, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with crying. It actually brings relief and it is well known than we feel better after a good cry.Like in many other instances, society dictates how we should behave. If I see someone crying alone, I will ask if there is anything I can do to help, but will stop short of asking why the person is crying. It is none of my business and if they want to tell, they will.
When I was younger and quite poor, I had to give my beloved cat to the shelter because I was so broke I was barely getting a meal a day and had no way to feed him. After I walked out of the office, I cried so hard, I collapsed on the sidewalk. Not one person even stopped to ask me if I was okay. All I needed was a hug and for someone to say it would be okay. I would definitely reach out to someone who was crying. We are all part of the human family. We should act like it more often.
In public or in private, it's one of the beautiful thing about being human.
For passers-by to offer a hug or kind words, it shows how beautiful their hearts shine.
For bystanders to hold back or resist giving compassion, it shows how far they placed themselves from their closed hearts.
In public or private, it's not the normal or abnormal which matters.
Man-made standards have simply placed 'crying in public' as 'unacceptable'.
I have learned that 'crying' may mean a lot of things.
To the spirituals, tears may be a cleansing process for the soul.
To some, tears relieves all the stress which had been bottled up inside.
To some, tears are letting out all the negative energies from within.
It's been the most wonderful gift and blessings from Heaven that as humans, we could cry..... in public or private.
(Just my thoughts)
Below are quotes on tears:
“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before--more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.”
( Charles Dickens )
“Don't be ashamed to weep; 'tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us.”
( Brian Jacques )
“Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.”
( Steve Maraboli )
Crying in personal heart increases the value of a person and adds beautiful qualities in him while crying in public diminishes the qualities and the person would be marked as a sad and that icon would suddenly converted to his/her personality. Crying is an inner nature of every person. Without these feelings, one cannot considered as a human. Recently I wrote a hub on these psychological factors that make us cry and how can we remove this.
I always found it funny that crying is viewed as being weak especially for men. Being who you are and what you are at every possible moment is the point of maturity regardless of outside influence. That’s what true bravery is. A man who clams up and disguises his emotions with anger and or any other emotion than the natural feeling rising to the surface will never truly get to know himself. To be unknowing of oneself in my opinion is a great weakness. It’s why children screw things up so much. It’s why men and women cheat on their spouse because they’re missing something that was never really missing, THEY were missing. The strongest of men know there are limitations to their strengths. Knowing and admitting to those limitations is also courageous. That being said though, I feel uncomfortable crying in public because I don’t like to pass negative feelings on to others but if you do see me crying in public then something very bad has happened and at that point I don’t give a shit who is watching me. As far as viewing it from the outside, the eyes speak a million words with one glance and if I feel ANY human being needs help when our eyes lock then I will proceed to do so. It’s pretty obvious who wants help and who wants to left alone. I for one should be left alone when dealing with something that heavy. I have no problem asking for help therefore I will seek it when it’s needed. Oh and one other thing; I am the most empathetic person you will ever meet but even I get sick of people who are ALWAYS crying or who ALWAYS have the worst drama developing in their life. I have compassion for a very long time but once I’m spent, leave me alone… please!
Oh My God...Every time I cry in public, I go home and ask myself why in the world did I let myself go? Why couldn't I just hold it in.? For me it's three words: Awkward, Embarrassing and highly Uncomfortable. There was a time when I cried in front of my boss's boss right after I got hired and started working as an employee for the company. It was the worst first impression at a job. The other time was when over twenty of my friends sent me a text that Michael Jackson died and the whole world saw me crying on my way from work to home.
Cry is a good way to release those negative feelings. I think crying in public is not so bad if it's the best way to express oneself.
For me, it doesn't matters whether it's a male or female. I would make my best attempt to just settle her/him down & help him/ her in my own way.
I've lost it in public if thinking about my deceased father. If I don't know what's going on with someone else mentally, I might give them space. If I do, I'll offer comfort or at least a tissue. Sex doesn't make a difference. I think it's very unfair and possibly even self destructive to make men and boys think that they should never show a range of emotions. The cause of the tears could be death, serious illness, or they could have found out they lost a job or their home. What super man or woman could act as if nothing happened if these things were to be found out while they were out and about in public?
We are human. When I lost my mum this year, the tears came out anywhere and anytime of the day and I didn't care who was looking. I soon learnt to constantly wear dark shades.
A few months ago, a Taxi Driver dropped me at Church and I asked him if he would be going to Church and then quickly said, it didn't matter if he didn't - He could pray at home. Immediately, he burst into tears - sobbing. Telling me how his wife went to Church that morning, yet their marriage was in a mess. He didn't understand, how she could. Well, I couldn't just leave him like that. I stayed with him, encouraged him that things would get better etc. I think I lightly patted his shoulder because I was sitting at the back. I then said a short prayer and left.
So, nothing wrong with crying in public - it's normal for people to comfort those hurting, only in the west - a man might feel reluctant to comfort a woman - incase it's taken a wrong way and he ends up in a cell, but atleast he will comfort her with words.
I m sorry for your loss,My warm condolences.
That s so sweet of you to stay with him in his breakdown.Giving shoulder to cry on means a lot to some people.
My heart goes out to you. I lost my father several years ago and I understand how you feel. Tears cannot always wait or be hidden, it's a good time for those around to show sympathy if possible.
You break down only when you feel hollow from inside or your frustration comes out off your heart at times.We also tend to cry when we cannot hold the good or the worst feeling inside our heart.
It has mostly happened to me when I have been hurt on the same place many times with others mostly by the ones who are close to my heart.It may be sometimes my past comes and stands in front of me without any invitation .It is also when we cannot stand up the expectations of ourselves as well.
Don't care about anyone if we have strong emotions for someone or we have a strong self esteem then there is nothing wrong about crying in public.
People should be allowed to show their emotions, even if it is pain. We are encouraged to smile and laugh, but we should also encourage to let the feelings of pain, greif, anger, etc be expressed as well. Me personally, I usually try not cry in public, but if those feelings come up while I am out, then the world will see my tears that day. Crying in public should be welcomed, maybe the person sitting next to you at the bus stopn will have the solution you need, if only you let it out.
I think that sometimes our emotions can catch us by suprise, also we might have heard upsetting news whilst in public or we may have lost a child recently and then find ourselves sitting by one on the bus. Whatever the reason for crying in public I always feel empathy as we do not know what the person could possibly be going through until we have walked a mile in their shoes.
I don't often get involved unless of course it is a lost child looking for their mother or something like that or unless I really feel that I have something substantial to offer. I have broken down and cried in public but not often. The reasons for me doing so were very intense and I felt that I could not hold off until I could get to my car and drive home. I did feel better for 'the release' that it gave me as delaying it wouldn't have had the same affect. The timing of how we release our emotions is also critical so if you delay it or put it off completely you are not doing yourself any favour. It also does not matter if it is a man or a woman as men do have feelings as well, we all have varying levels of sensitivity. You might find several people crying during a sad movie or a man weeping about his commrads lost during the war. If at any time we are able to reach out to some one who is crying and offer comfort, support or insight we must do so. Reaching out to some one also gives us the opportunity to further enrich ouselves.
Cry wherever you want. I always go up to someone if I see them crying. Im so sensitive, I usually join them. I feel others pain intensely even if I do not now them.
kallini.....Just as you have noted, we all cry, whether in private or in public at times. We have only so much control as to when our emotions will strike us for various reasons. We are human beings, each of us having various strengths & weaknesses. Most of us have had occasion that we are unable to hold back our sadness and tears, even in front of others. I'm sure we have all been in a situation to witness the tears of others and feel instant compassion & empathy for that person.
Our emotions are real and must come to the surface at some point so that pain and sorrow does not remain pent up within, where it may choke the life from us. Crying is a healthy outlet that helps us to get through a serious grieving process. Never feel ashamed or embarrassed to allow yourself to express what you are feeling and be comforted by others. This is all a part of life and day to day reality. Peace, Paula
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