16, June 2009
I believe that people really ought to make certain they are compatible before they commit to a relationship that is exclusive. And certainly before they bring children into this world. Although, many times this isn't the case. Personally, this was not make case. My child was about three when my first husband and I began showing our problems. This means we had problems before but pretended they were not there. When we did split up, I did not tell my son about the affair, I just said sometimes Moms and Dads realize they would be happier on their own.
Luckily, in a sense, for me my ex-husband decided he did not want anything to do with my son, even though I had given him joint custody. I met a man who treated my child just a true father would have. I have been with that man now for 14 years, and even though we have two children together, our oldest has never been referred to as a step-son or any other nonsense. My husband has been the only father he has known since he was six years old.
In dealing with the biological father, I don't say negative things about him, but now my son is 20, and he can pretty much figure out the type of person his biological father is on his own. I just let him know that just because his other dad was the way he was or is, doesn't mean that he will follow in his footsteps. And I have also tried to teach him to respect women. In other words, do not be with someone if you would not want not have, or share a child with them, you really never understand fully what cards are in store for you.
I do hope this helps a little.