What do you do if you meet a Japanese Grandmother who controls everything you do

1. 60

   hawaiiangirlposted 11 years ago

   What do you do if you meet a Japanese Grandmother who controls everything you do in your life?

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2. 66

   marwan asmarposted 11 years ago

   Strangle her! But seriously though, the problem of domineering persons, be their grandmothers, fathers and so on is they just want to control. You have to stand up to them and tell them this is wrong. If you keep quite, they think you are weak, unfortunately, and most of the time, you have to literally start barking at them so they will get the message.

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3. 0

   Dreama23posted 11 years ago

   You can start by talking to her or somehow finding out why she is controlling. There is always a reason for certain actions, even though we don't immediately understand. Chances are, she just wants the best for you.
   
   Once you figure out her purpose in being controlling, you can determine how to stand up for yourself and let her know that you have a mind of your own. Sometimes, people take on the role of an authority figure because they do not believe you are strong or intelligent enough to think for yourself and make your own decisions. By proving them wrong through your actions (and maybe even through words), you present yourself in a confident manner that gives them the ability to trust your judgment. In time, it will grant you the freedom from the controlling individual(s).

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4. 85

   SidKempposted 11 years ago

   My wife and I ran into this problem with a Jewish grandfather many years ago. There were beautiful and fruitful parts of the relationship - including that he was an amazing artist and writer, and I helped him write a book.
   
   But looking back on the experience, I would say - run away! I think we lose a lot by having crazy-makers in our lives. For more, please read Julia Cameron's The Artists Way. Being a creative person or artist requires a level of self-trust that is just not possible in the presence of someone who doesn't trust us.

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5. 68

   Nellieannaposted 11 years ago

   If you are just now meeting this grandmother, what is the control she has or claims over your life?  Is this a matter of custom or something?  I would think you would want to be polite but firm about where her authority ends (with herself) and yours begins - with yourself.  Disrespect is uncalled for - on either side. I've been controlled by elder siblings in my youth, but looking back, I can see clearly that they had no real basis for it but for what I allowed them.  People have no right to domination over us. They get it by asserting it, then getting our cooperation. If we don't allow it, they can't take it, even if they use various ruses and wiles to make it seem that they can.  Saying "no" need not be vocal.  Demonstrate it.

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6. 60

   Jaggedfrostposted 11 years ago

   I agree with Nellieanna, Japan is driven by tradition and a set of morals and ethics that are not shared in the united state.  Families in Japan are ruled by the dictates of their elders.   I am sorry for your predicament.  The question comes to whether you have any ability to open a path of communication with her and take advantage of it.

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7. 0

   msorenssonposted 11 years ago

   Japanese Grandmother...you mean tries to control everything in your life. ..
   
   You are not the only one who has asked about this...
   
   I suggest you view it from a different angle....She is older, from a different generation, ..perhaps..it is possible that she is wiser...

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8. 73

   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   How would I meet someone who controlled my life unless that person told my parents how to control me as well? So how does she control everything? Your job, education, etc. She could choose your education, but not your job or pay roll. She couldn't control your friends or surroundings. She might control you in the early years, until you are 22 with a degree, then it is your time to shine.

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9. 74

   brittvan22posted 11 years ago

   First, if you are underage suck it up and respect your elders, having a grandmother is not something you should take for granted, they will not always be there. Second, if you are an adult, you need to stop, take a breath and listen. Take the time to understand what she is saying, then if you do not agree, you should be honest with her. I wouldn't be argumentative with my grandmother, there is a lot she can teach you and vice versa.  I never met my grandmother, but had the pleasure of having my great-grandmother in my life for 13 years. You must decicd if it is control or unwanted guidance. If you feel she is controlling everything you do in life, also think about why you feel she has so much power, if it is because you are under her roof, than you must obey her rules, thats just my two cents. Good luck

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10. 79

    kenneth averyposted 11 years ago

    Do your very best to respect her and all of her wishes, but when the "controlling" gets to be too much, in a respectful tone, just say, "with all due respect, dear grandmother, I wish for you to ease-up with your manipulative actions for I cannot deal with them anymore."

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11. 79

    bernard.sinaiposted 11 years ago

    Give her a Karate chop. Kiai!
    
    On a more serious note, and from personal experience, grandmothers like that are actually afraid. They fear that they might lose something or someone close to them hence the urging need to control.
    
    The best advice I can give you is to understand the person. Their controlling nature is often attributed to something that may have affected them deeply like losing a son or husband etc. Find out the cause and you might be able to find a solution to your problem. :-)

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12. 37

    edhanposted 11 years ago

    I am a believer of having one's choice in doing things in life. I do not allow anyone to control my life. I accept what is the right advice in doing things but not allowing anyone invading my life. I control my own life.
    
    If you ever meet a grandmother who love to control, let her know that you are in control of your own life but willing to accept right advice when given.

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13. 58

    ragingranterposted 11 years ago

    You please her to her face, but ignore her behind her back. Grandmas never give up and this they have all the answers because of their wisdom. Feed them the lies, and let them think you are the good little abiding granddaughter they love. I think that is the best your gonna be able to do. Hope it helps, if not sorry

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14. 46

    DDEposted 11 years ago

    Take it slow, meet her and be calm about the situation but don't give her the benefit of controlling you

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