Does reality hit married couples of being married anymore, or is it just all a d

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   kljones86posted 9 years ago

   Does reality hit married couples of being married anymore, or is it just all a dream the individual?

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   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   Ideally "reality" hits a couple long before they say; "I do" if you referring to them knowing each other's "authentic self".
   Hopefully they've seen each other during stressful and unhappy times as well as witness the ranges of their temperament.
   It's also important to make sure one has selected a mate who shares their same values, wants the same things for the marriage, naturally agree on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.
   Anyone who expects their marriage to resemble a "fairytale" is likely to be very disappointed after they return home from their honeymoon.
   The two leading causes for divorce is a) Selecting the "wrong mate" for oneself. b) Getting married for the "wrong reasons".
   The first happens when one has not figured out (who they are), what they want and need in a mate for life BEFORE they pursue relationships with others. They're likely to let impulsive connections and happenstance dictate their relationship choices. After saying "I do" they attempt to change their mate into the person they (really) want.
   There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.
   The second happens when people allow (circumstances) to influence their decision to marry. Examples include having reached an "age goal", being given an ultimatum, there was an unplanned pregnancy, all of their friends had gotten married, or someone joined the military and was about to be shipped out and they wanted to know there would be someone waiting...etc
   A marriage based upon circumstances rather than love is likely to fail.
   A third cause is some people get married before they have their ducks in a row. They have not completed their education, do not have an established career path, they're drowning in debt and still elect to have to have children with the belief "somehow" things will work itself out.
   He who fails to plan is planning to fail. The wedding is just one day.

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      kljones86posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      yes, but sometimes you can't plan for the stubbornness or denial of ones own perception to things. Regardless of everyone's own option, and we all are different , but is marriage more so an fantasy than a reality to one or the other, or both?

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      Lori P.posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      True, kljones86, but if you make your own reality a ridiculously happy one, that feeling is contagious.

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Yes! Marriage is a reality. However "living together happily ever after" is on case by case situation. Not everyone selects the "right mate" for them self and people sometimes do "grow apart". And yet most people want to be married at some point.

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   kljones86posted 9 years ago

   It seems it is more as an check in the box, an obligation of maturity, but not acknowledging the maturation, responsibility, or accountable. Its more of face off more so these days it seems.

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      DDEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      When two people decide to marry they want to spend their rest of their lives together. ''Till death do us part''  What most couples don't realize is  marriage is teamwork and that they have to compromise.  The honeymoon stage does not always go away.

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      kljones86posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks DDE, I agree!

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   Lori P.posted 9 years ago

   It's different for all marriages. It is unrealistic to think a couple will sustain all the highs of falling in love as they set off to live everyday life with each other. There will be bills to pay, laundry to wash, colds and sicknesses to endure. But if you were ever truly in love, that love will carry you through the duller days of existence. I don't really think of everyday life as dull. It's nice to feel contentment, to have those soft lulls in life. We have had too many crises to face together. It's been on roller-coaster ride.
   
   But if you can look into each other's eyes and still the person you fell in love with, you can relive the headiness of falling in love all over again. We always said we wanted to grow old together, meaning we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Well, growing old isn't so fun sometimes! But it is so nice to be with each other to share all the pains and triumphs.
   
   If you find the shine of your marriage beginning to fade, remind each other of the person you were when you fell in love. Remember that you're still that same person. Feel young again. Lavish each other with the same loving attention. After nearly 29 years of marriage, my husband still tells me he loves me dozens of times each day, covers my face and hands with kisses, and asks what he can do to make me happy. And I do the same. My heart throbs with so much love for him.

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      kljones86posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so much Lori!

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