I have a boyfriend , he's 22 , he likes to drink and gamble and that sounds bad already haha.
Well let's get to it right , we've been together for 6months already . He has a very hard time showing any type of emotion and he hard on me about showing my emotions about anything. I really care about him and I like him but I feel like I have to show him how a relationship works because he never been in a relationship he doesn't even know how love and being in love works it's like it's rocket science for him.
The only time he's ever let his guard down on me if when he was completely shit faced.
He was able to "open up" to me but it sad cause I mean he was drunk it's like how the fuck am I suppose to believe any of this ..
So question is am I wasting my time here ?
Should I even try anymore ?
Please be honest cause I don't have time to deal with this bullshit .
Thanks ! ☀️
There are a couple of (gender difference) dynamics taking place here.
First of all most 22 year old guys are not looking to have a "serious relationship" regardless of whether they've had girlfriends before. The thought of settling down, potentially getting married, taking on a 30 year mortgage, and having children is like watching their life flash before their eyes!
The average 22 year old guy today just moved out of his parent's basement or a college dorm room. He wants to party with friends, play video games, watch sports, have sex, and possibly focus on career options.
He is in no rush to become his parents!
The majority of women as little girls were given baby dolls to change diapers, comb hair, feed a bottle, and push in strollers. Many were also given Easy-Bake Ovens to make cookies and cakes, Ken & Barbie's playhouse to furnish and decorate. In some instances little girls were given "princess dresses" which are symbolic of the wedding gown, and they've read books about a "Dashing Knight" or "Prince" who swept the damsel in distress off of her feet and they've lived "happily ever after". It's also not uncommon for pre-teen girls to begin their first menstrual cycle. This is often seen as passage to "womanhood" and often leads to (serious) discussions.
Essentially by the time the typical girl has reached age 12 or 13 she has been "practicing to be a mother and wife" for the bulk of her life especially during her "formative years". Subconsciously a relationship/motherhood seed has been planted. By the time a lot of women reach their mid 20s they've attended weddings and mentally they're looking forward to having their own. There is no TV show called "Groomzilla".
By contrast very few men ever "pretended to be fathers or husbands" during their childhood or "formative years". They were given water pistols, remote control planes/boats/cars, games to compete with friends, and just about anything that flashed lights and made noises. Many of them later were introduced to pewee football and little league baseball, or Cub Scouts/Boy Scouts. There is nothing that generally happens in a 12 or 13 year old boy's life that is equivalent to a girl's menstrual cycle which warrants an adulthood conversation. Men have not been fantasizing about having a loving relationship or marriage since their childhood.
My point is most women in their early 20s experience heartache when they pin their hopes of a lasting relationship by falling in love with a guy in his 20s. They're just not mentally in that space. Many of the guys who have had relationship experience view their 20s as a time to "play the field" and not as a time to "settle down". If a woman in her 20s is looking to get married she might want to date guys in their early 30s who've established a career path and have not been married before. Guys in their late 20s or early 30s tend to be ready to consider serious relationships.
Lastly if a man is truly "in love" or seriously cares about a woman he does not need "liquid courage" to express his feelings. Life is a personal journey. It's not your job to teach a man "how to have a relationship" or "how to treat a woman." These are things one learns on their own through life experience. I imagine no one "taught you". Change comes from within. People don't change unless they're unhappy with the results they're getting.
Most people want to be loved and accepted for who (they) are. No one walks around saying; "I'm looking for someone to (change) me."
Awhile back I wrote a book: My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) and it I wrote the following.
"There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have." Best of luck!
http://www.amazon.com/Cat-Wont-Bark-Rel … 1468104721
Since your boyfriend has never been in a real relationship, I can understand how some aspects of it might be hard for him to grasp. However, from what you said, it doesn't look like he is even trying to learn. You definitely deserve better. Six months is long enough for him to know your basic needs.
I think you are wasting your time by trying to change him. This guy seems selfish and immature; and on top of that, he is hurting you.
I wish you luck no matter what decision you make. I know relationships are always a little more complicated than they seem!
I love the feed back it honestly does help a lot and gives me a lot of intake on my relationship thanks !
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