I think we all have encountered a liar or two. And we all have lied, yet there are those who bend the truth into a awful situation. How Do you get rid of such a person?
Refuse to voluntarily be in their presence. Refuse dates, whether romantic, luncheon or for bowling. Make no overtures of friendship. Make verbal replies short and to the point, do not engage in idle chit chat.
But your post does not correlate with your title; is this person a compulsive or have they created a awful situation once or twice?
More so for a book that I am researching which has to do with people who have fallen for dishonest people. I'm looking for feedback on how others have dealt with the situation.
Thanks for the feedback! Very insightful information! I love your article on Finding Honest Politicians With Integrity! Good Stuff! Thanks!
Is this your book?
http://www.amazon.com/Married-Cheat-Wit … 0966540069
Hi Beth37 . Yes based on true stories about women who have had bad luck with dating and marriage.
Do other ppl have to think Im a writer for me to claim this title?
I suppose my question was unclear. I see that you love to write. And from the looks of your articles I can tell that through knowledge you will make a great author dealing with a variety of subjects. I will tell you that your Hub on the Sophisticated Tuna Salad, Is amazing. I love it! You have many interesting articles can't wait to read them :-)
lol... I just meant, I may be the only person who would call me a writer. Thank you for the kind comment though.
Very interesting title - "Why Do Married Men Cheat With Unattractive Women?"
On the one hand men are often accused of being "shallow" when it comes to not wanting to get involved with women they consider unattractive or overweight. However if a man is caught cheating with such a woman then women will often be the first to comment on that woman's lack of attractiveness! Just because a woman or man is considered "good looking" does not guarantee their mate will not cheat on them. (Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, and Christine Brinkley) are proof of that. They were all cheated on!
The goal of any cheater is to hold onto all that is good in their "primary relationship" while addressing their other "needs" on the side. They rarely are looking to replace one relationship with another. The cheater's motives vary from just wanting something "new" to actually feeling like their mate takes them for granted, neglects them sexually or emotionally, beats them down mentally making them feel they're not good enough. In the cases where men are involved with beautiful or more famous women then themselves oftentimes it's their ego that gets hurt having to always be in the "background" while all the attention is showered on their mate. The mistress on the other hand makes them feel like (they) are a king, sexy, desired, or "special".
Back in the 1960s Jimmy Soul had a hit song that advised men; "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty girl your wife." Essentially his theory was "unattractive women" will bend over backwards to please their men. On the surface this may have some merit. If one truly feels like they have someone who is "out of their league' or they believe they are "lucky" to have them then they are likely to strive to keep their mate happy. However it's always possible in my opinion that they might get tired of playing second fiddle or the attractive person leaves them for an attractive person at some point.
In my book, My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)
http://www.amazon.com/Cat-Wont-Bark-Rel … 1468104721
I talked about honesty and the two main reasons why people lie.
1. To avoid the pain or repercussions of dealing with the truth. This includes causing someone else pain or dealing with their hurt, anger, and disappointment. Most liars have a problem being honest with themselves. They want to make themselves "look good" in the eyes of others. The purpose of a lie is to manipulate the thoughts and beliefs of others.
2. To keep the "thrill" alive. Whatever they are doing behind your back they don't want to stop. Therefore they lie to avoid being pressured to stop.
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. No one is "stuck" with anyone. If a person deems one to be a "compulsive liar" then they should cease having any dealings with that person. (Assuming that compulsive lying is a "deal breaker" for them.) The only real challenge is if they share children with this person. That would force them to deal with that person from time to time. However if one (assumes) this person is a "compulsive liar" then they should automatically take whatever they say with a grain of salt. The only way to give power to a lie is to believe it or WANT to believe it.
Unfortunately there are some people who never want to cut anyone out of their lives. They instead want to try to get the person to "change". Asking a liar not to lie, a cheater not to cheat, or a thief not to steal is the same as asking them not to be themselves! People only change when (they) want to or (they're unhappy) with the results they are getting. We can only control ourselves. However most people would rather attempt to "change the world" then to change themselves!
I swear some kind of alarm goes off on your comp. when any kind of relational blurb is posted anywhere on the internet. I don't know how you do it, but you're always there.
Beth37, You are too funny!
Anyone can sign up to "follow" certain topics on HP. Gender Relations is primarily what I follow, read, and write about.
Oh... haha, I didn't know that. I thought maybe you had your own personal "batlight". lol
Wow! What an insightful message. Are you a inspirational speaker? I like this portion. People only change when (they) want to or (they're unhappy) with the results they are getting. We can only control ourselves. However most people would rather attempt to "change the world" then to change themselves!
Good Stuff Dashing S.
I have been a speaker at a few events. However my main focus is as a writer and coach providing dating/relationship advice.
Looks like you have generated some nice interesting forums on HP. Keep up the great work!
If i was with a partner who i found out was a compulsive liar, i'd call them out on it....If no change happens etc, i'd get rid....I'm always quite happy to be single, rather than ignore something i didn't feel comfortable with.
Very smart choice Dave36. Why live your life in an uncomfortable situation? That does not make sense to me either. Nice to know that you would call them out. If there's an elephant in the room you gotta point it out.
It's only because i can actually look back, & see what iv'e learn't from all my ex partners.....I did learn a lot about women from my past relationships, but i learn't more about myself to be honest.....I used to put up with things as i liked having a girlfriend, but now i'd rather be single & be a man rather than a "hen pecked Ken".....Someone once said, & i don't know who said it, but this is what i truly believe: If i want to find the woman of my dreams, i first have to become the Man of "my" dreams, & i'm sure it's the same for Women.....If i only do things i love doing throughout my days/weeks/months/life, then i'm bound to bump into the girl of my dreams as she'l be there doing the same things as me.....The only problem in my opinion with relationships, is people rush into them with the wrong people.....Instead of finding their real soul mates, i'm pretty sure they settle for 2nd best then try to mold that person into their soul mate.....So that's why in the UK the average relationship is only 2.5 years....They went for 2nd best as no one wants to go to a party etc alone, they couldn't change each other so they give up, & split up.....So i say a single person should only try to find things they love to do, & they should completely forget about "trying" to find a partner......Also people in uncomfortable/abusive relationships should realize their wasting their time/life, & go & be single until their happy being single.....Then give cupids arrow a chance, & have faith until that the right person walks into their life....Men will say: "women, there all the same etc", & women will say: "Men, there all the same"!lol.... Judged by their past relationships, however obviously women & men are all different....So when someone tells me ALL their ex girlfriends we're terrible, well i know it's the person & not the ex's!lol
Wow! Dave36 You are a man of wisdom! I love your honest response! Men and women could learn plenty from you because you speak through experience. I look forward to your articles because your answers are inspired by what you have been through. Thank you for your thoughtful insight!
Thanks swilliams & i'd just like to mention that i learned everything the hard way, that's how everyone who's ever lived & ever will live learns life's big answers....Now iv'e worked that out i don't beat myself up about my past anymore....As far as being in a relationship as i'm single at the moment, i see communication & negotiation instead of compromising as key....Never compromise always negotiate so that both parties are happy, compromising will mean that only one person really gets what they want.....I know loads of couples that aren't happy with each other, & i only know that because they tell me each separately, BUT!, they won't tell each other.
You are right about couples that are not honest with one another but they will confide in other people about their dysfunctional relationship. Good stuff Dave36 I will be awaiting your talk show or future Hub articles on relationships which ever comes first! :-)
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