My good friend "Anna" is getting married again. The trouble is the groom to be is the same guy that left her at the altar seven years earlier. I remember that day so clearly because I was the maid of honor. I stood there and saw my friend shattered to pieces when she got the text from him saying he changed his mind and run off with some Russian Skater girl. She was beyond devastated and I was on suicide watch duty 24/7 and for four years she was inconsolable. Just when her life started to piece back together, this jerk shows up and BSs his way into her heart and he proposed to her and she said yes. She has asked me to be maid of honor but I have refused because I can't witness another massacre.
Now our friendship is sour because she says am jealous that she's getting married and I don't want her to be happy, which is so untrue. I want her to be happy but she won't be with this bozzo. I don't know what she sees in him. He's one of these extremely bad boys who cant hold a job and chases anything with a skirt. Have I done the right thing turning down the MOH role?? She's a great friend and I don't want to lose our friendship. How do I fix this?
It could be she has low self esteem and unresolved issues with her fiance. It's so unfortunate that he came back before she got a chance to become independent, confident and realize she doesn't need him.
When a person get's their heart broken they go through several phases. First, it's disbelief, then denial, then a sort of despair as it sinks in. Then they get to a point where they start to rationalize what happened and even defends the heart breaker. Some people even blames themselves. After that, they hope and wish that the person would come back and I think that's the point where the guy caught her.
I have been there so I know the phases. the good thing was that I got a chance to get past these phases before the guy came back so when he did I could say "no". Trust me, the heart breaker ALWAYS returns.
On the friendship part, I would not give up on her. She is still vulnerable and that is why she believes this guy loves her and she is willing to marry him. You never know, maybe he learned his lesson and have changed. People do grow up. It's been seven years. He could have realized that he loves her.
No, you were wrong to turn her down.
This is not about (you) or how you feel about her man!
Being her maid of honor is about your (friendship with her).
No one gets a vote on who should marry whom. That is up to the individual.
Maybe this guy is a jerk but you don't have to be one!
If you really do want her to be happy give her your opinion or advice but don't abandon her simply because you do not approve of her fiancée.
If my best friend asked me to be the "Best man" in his wedding there is no way I would turn him down even if I hated his soon to be wife.
Long term friends are like family. Here is what you should do.
1. Meet with her and without using accusatory language tell her how you feel.
2. Tell her that no matter what you will be there to support her.
3. Accept her invitation as maid of honor and don't interrupt the ceremony and be there for her. Celebrate, have fun, and smile in all her pictures. Be happy for her.
Dashingscorpio has great points.
I say you are very much right. A good friend is honest. She may end up coming back to your friendship after she gets a divorce... saying, "You were so right! I should have listened to you!"
I say, don't pretend. Stand your ground. Stay in a position of command over your own life. You do not want to be involved in this charade. You do not have to be. If she is a true friend to YOU, she would understand your decision to not participate in the wedding and it should NOT mean the end of the friendship!
You have the right to protect yourself. Explain your position with kindness, using the "I" word:
"I do not approve of this match for these reasons…" (the reasons you listed were definite red flags and worth discussing with her…)
"I suffered too much the first time around."
If she does not want to continue the friendship, she is doing you a favor.
by Michael Valencia 5 years ago
Is it better to marry when you're younger (20's) or wait until your 30's or 40's?
by Krzysztof Willman 3 years ago
Is it okay to never want to get married and will society accept it?
by andur92 7 years ago
I am 19 years old right now and nowhere near the age to get married and I am not intending to get married before I turn at least 22.Well I was just wondering today that will any girl would like to marry me. Everyone tells me I am a nice, innocent and a very shy guy. A girl refused to get in a...
by Dawn Michael 7 years ago
Some men just like to date some women for fun and then others they want to marry, what is the difference between the two.
by KMattox 7 years ago
Would you marry your best friend?Lots of people insist marrying your best friend is a bad Idea. I have found the opposite to be true. What is you opinion any why?
by Dr Anupma Srivastava 6 years ago
What will you do when you come to know that your lover is going to marry with someone else?One of my friend's lover is going to marry with other girl just after a few of days of their break up.. She is very depressed, can you people suggest me some solution to console her?
Copyright © 2019 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|