What do men look for in a woman that they want to marry?

1. 58

   dawnMposted 13 years ago

   Some men just like to date some women for fun and then others they want to marry, what is the difference between the two.

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      soneblomposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Good Question dawnM! I think some woman are just that way hey, they avail themselves to the "just like to date" game. some even go for married men.

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      Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Well first of all, men who date for fun obviously only want to have a good time, which implies they're only after one thing....SEX!  Sadly, I've met many men that are degenerates that know how to woo any woman into bed with them, even though they could really care less about them.  Trust me, there's a reason why some men are referred to as wolves.
      
      Men who are looking for marriage often want something more than sex.  They're looking for someone that they share a mutual attraction with that could lead to something more serious.  That's the key difference between the two...

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      Mishaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      development stage

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      ediggityposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      One's blond and one's brunette.
      
      http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ … wives.html

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      jimmy yangposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      dateing woman for fun, it is just one of answers of why men dating women !
      as for your questiion, I donot think it is a easy question to answer !It maybe involves to philosophical and Genetic problem !
      there are two main nature for human:eating to survival and having sex to let you live longer in the form of your son/girl/grandchild---
      as for what men are looking for from women ,I am sorry I cannot answer you in detail !

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      speedbirdposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Men marry women who give them a challenge, remember men are competitive by nature. Their minds are geared to 'winning' so if you want to get hitched, play him as a trophy to be won. The opposite also applies.

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      CyclingFitnessposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hey Dawn.
      
      It seems strange to many of my friends however I look for a partner that is going to challenge me. Alot of my female friends do not understand this. I mean mentally challenge in terms of career, intellect and outlook on life
      
      I'm not looking for someone to change me, however someone who helps me be a better person while i'm with them.
      
      Is this why i'm still single or does anyone else feel like this?

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         rebekahELLEposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I'm not sure all women would understand what you're saying. I think a lot of women want the man to be strong enough to challenge himself, and doesn't require motivation from his partner, but more because he wants to be his best for her and be the protector, provider.
         
         But I think I get what you're saying. You want an equal, someone who inspires you to live life fully as you would do for her. Don't settle, she's out there somewhere.

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            CyclingFitnessposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks rebekahELLE
            
            I feel I am a strong person in my own right and challenge myself, provide and support,
            
            However yes I want an equal instead of settling for what others is the norm. Maybe i've always been too independant!
            
            CF

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      Mikel G Robertsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      For me it is her character, her integrity... her soul if you will. It is the feeling of comfort I get by being in her presence, feeling her aura, and knowing that I affect her in the same way.

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      Marpposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      The most important thing I look for in woman is having good mutual understanding. If woman and man has good mutual understanding each other most of problems can be solved out and can live happily marriage life

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       CaravanHolidaysposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I think the problem here is that you are trying to generalize what men want, or even indeed what men are.  They don't all want the same things.

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       kimberlyslyricsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       misunderstanding and pressure feeling they have to. :

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2. 78

   Shadesbreathposted 13 years ago

   Men want mostly the same things in a wife that women want in a husband: stability, reliability, friendship, a sense of fun (shared common interests), the kind of person who makes a good parent, a good lover, attractive.
   
   The women who are "fun" as you call it don't need a lot of that stuff. They just have to be:  attractive, a good lover.
   
   Men will sleep with a whore and be perfectly fine with it.  They don't want to marry one though.  Women can scream and shout about hypocrisy and unfairness and shallowness and double standards and all they want. They are even technically "morally" right.  But that changes nothing.  Men don't marry whores.  They have little or no guilt about their role in making women into whores either.  It is what it is (it's one of the things religions often try to deal with).  Anything anyone says other than that is hippy propaganda, PC delusion, and ass kissing.

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      dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      well put, it is interesting though how many women out there really want to get married but give it up on the first date and wonder why he isn't calling them back.

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         jimmy yangposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         maybe the responsiblity was rest on women !who know the situation and the atmosphere when they were dating ?

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      Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It's somewhat cruel Shadesbreath to call a woman a whore just because she likes to sleep with a man who she thinks is attractive.  Have men really devalued a woman so quickly because she likes having sex with him?  Dang! It's a good thing I wasn't expecting more than a shag!

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         Shadesbreathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         
         
         The emotional effect of the word "whore" is important. The word is charged because it has at its center a very real human conflict, at least in the West: the conflict between a woman's right to do with her body what she will and the biological/cultural reality of how men react to sexually active women.
         
         It is true that men in large percentages (and no matter how hypocritical it seems intellectually) will sleep with women who are easy, but prefer not to marry them.  That is a reality that only stubborn or willfully blind thinking humans will acknowledge, and despite anyone's ability to name someone who does not fit this description anecdotally.
         
         It is also true that women in the West prefer not to be covered with draperies and treated like the "weaker" sex and in general (albeit also hypocritical and selective) want to have the exact same social rights along with legal rights as men, which includes having the right to hump anything that moves if they so choose. 
         
         Women in the West have that right, and they can and often do hump whomever they like whenever they like.  When this happens often, it's called--whether you like it or not--being "easy" or being "a whore."  There are usually no shortage of men ready to hump this type of woman back, men sharing the love of humping, men who are also "easy" but who don't have a negatively connotative term ascribed to them (again for what I feel is evolved reasons, but arguments will be made by astute women's studies types that invoke cultural imperatives etc., which I will not shoot down here, and just say for now, "Hey, they could be right; what do I know?").
         
         Nonetheless, those hump-loving men are not going to turn to those easy, hump-loving women when they are seeking a wife.  They just don't.  A woman who is easy is, well, easy.  Men are the gender of greed, of war, of accumulation of resources.  Men are also often insecure, whether they know it or not: the male life IS nothing but an unending competition.  Men don't value things that are easily gotten, things that any man can have, because, well, by the very nature of "value" it requires some degree of rarity.
         
         This is not to say that sexually active women don't get married.  It's just that, in my experience, they tend to end up with guys who don't know the details of their past, or who think that is the best they can do, guys who tend not to do well in head-to-head chick getting, if I may be so crass.
         
         This does not mean that women who are sexually active have no worth as people or intellects, it just tends to be that men don't stick around to find out that stuff if she's easy because respect is lost, at least when it comes to wife getting.  She might make a good business partner or partner in crime, but the wife thing is rendered unlikely.
         
         Just a theory.  I could be missing something.  But that's the evidence of what I've observed over time and it correlates pretty directly with the anthropology, history and lit that I have read.
         
         [edit - Damn, this was long... Guess I shoulda wrote a hub.  LOL.  Sorry.]

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            Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            

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            Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Shade, I understand where you're coming from.  A woman's criteria for a quickie with a guy is radically different than when she chooses to spend hopefully a lifetime with a mate.  It goes the same way for men.  We are all hypocrites to a certain degree.
            
            However, what I was trying to say is that as women, we all to an extent expect a certain amount of sexual freedom and it does distress me that among women we still call each other whores when it comes to indulging in casual sex.  I hope that we as women can respect each other's sexual choices and not be judged so harshly, we have enough men doing that to us without doing it to ourselves.   That's all I'm saying.

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      Mishaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Actually I do enjoy a pretty ass kissing. Quite a lot

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         Shadesbreathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         That's because you are a man-whore. 

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            Mishaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            LOL Yes I am. Mark actually just called me a slut a few days ago. I guess there is no use to stay undercover anymore

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               anjyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               i just want to tell misha its not good

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   awesome77posted 13 years ago

   A guy is a predictable animal! Guys do not mature mentally until the late 20's. Women on the other hand mature too fast! In fact the sooner you have sex with a guy, the less likely he will marry you!
   
   Truth be told, when a guy meets you the first time, his only interest is sex! Depending on his skills and condition, he will do almost anything to get into your pants! If you play along on those lines you will lose!
   
   You have to make him see, you like other things. Make him realize You have a brain and can use it. Go on dates and split the bill. Just be yourself. Control yourself in all situations!
   
   You have to have a genuine sense of the kind of guy your like!
   
   I do think you attract who you are! If you go around lying and cheating, don't expect a truthful guy to fall into your laps!

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      dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Great honest answer awesome 77, I really think that if more women could read what you wrote they would not be putting themselves out there like that and have more respect for themselves.  Men like women who are confident in who they are and not trying to be someone else to get the guy.

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         lrohnerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Ugh, ugh, ugh. Back to the old male sterotype. If a man "puts himself out there," he's just "macho." If a woman does it, she's a whore. Sigh.......
         
         Good thing you fellas aren't privy to womens' conversations. You just might be a bit surprised.

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   Bill Manningposted 13 years ago

   I've had dozens and dozens of girlfriends and never stayed with any more than 1 month to a year. Every time I honestly went into it with the hope that this one would be the one I could stay with.
   
   Maybe I'm too damn picky, but they always had what I call the "too nice" attitude. That's not really the right word but basically they were like this:
   
   1. The religious nut. "You have to believe what I do or I can't be with you". Bye bye!
   
   2. "I want a man who knows what a woman wants without her having to tell him, make lots of money and spoil me and never have a bad day" Bye bye!
   
   3. "Like, I love to be in harmony with the earth and have my soulmate so we can channel our cosmic energy together and create peace" Bye bye bye bye!
   
   4. " I know it's only been two days but we get along great so why not move in together" Hello,, where did he go,,,,,
   
   Yeah I really pick em! I just want a gal who is down to earth, sure of herself, not expecting a prince or a scumbag. Someone with NO religious baggage and just enjoys life.
   
   That, myself, is what I want in a wife. The others,,,, are just fun dates.

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   dawnMposted 13 years ago

   well Bill thank-you for the low down, I am enjoying all of the information

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Dawn, you are a sex-expert aren't you? Are you doing more research? I thought you knew everything?
      (this is not sarcastic)

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   Mikeydoesposted 13 years ago

   I'd say trust would probably be my biggest issue, if I were consider settling down.

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   Paul Wingertposted 13 years ago

   That she's NOT a psycho b***h and liar like my ex wife.

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      AllyWritesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Paul, the fact that you refer to your former wife in those terms are more a reflection on you than on her. First of all, you married her, so there must be something that you loved or admired about her at some point. Secondly, if you go into a new relationship with that negativity, you will create a self fulfilling propecy. Instead of focusing on her and her shortcomings, focus on what you learned from your marriage and how it changed you. Best of luck...

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   Cagsilposted 13 years ago

   You know, it's funny how this topic has gotten so far off topic within only 17 posts.
   
   What do men look for in a woman that they want to marry? This question is too generalized, and mostly irrelevant, because of personal choice. Each person wants something for the other and vice versa- what exactly that is is completely up to that person.
   
   I have been privy to some womens conversations, and they respond no different than the men do, with regards to what they think about men sleeping around....where do you think the saying "Men are dogs" came from.

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      lrohnerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Now Cags, you REALLY don't want me to answer that question, do you?

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         Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Hey Irohner, you can take a shot at it. I've known more female than I have males, and not a single one would admit that men are not dogs. I hear it almost everyday from one female or another, just in my daily routine.
         
         Sooner or later, men are going to find themselves in a pickle, where they will be scouring the streets looking for something, because women will final see what must be done. It would only take one voice, to bring enough women, that could shake the foundation of civilization, and truly bring about equality.
         
         The male sexual drive versus a woman's will to be equal? Many millions of men going without because women are so sick and tired of the games that men play. I can see it happening. However, I am not that voice, but am pretty sure I understand.

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            schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            right. I absolutely will NOT tolerate any man who cheats.
            Mine does not, and I'm sure of it.
            Men are definitely DOGS if they think they can F*** around and expect their woman not to!!!
            But it's really not that funny.  In my mind, if anyone cheats, it's gonna be me (seriously).  F*** men who are chauvenistic.....sorry bout the language I'm am a lady.
            Also, if I was in an age where ALL men were dogs---------I would most likely be gay.

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               Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               

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                  schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  Thank you !

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               banzaradiwanaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               hi, you so echo my thoughts ha ha ha your last sentence is a scream

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                  schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  Thankyou totally !!

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      right. And then there are women who are in "no marriage relationships" who are not loose because they are monogomous and so is the guy in this case, but maybe they want marriage but just aren't sure where it's going and whether they will stay or not???

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         banzaradiwanaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         or both may carry the proverbial "excess baggage" which may or mayn't have a time span. It could be also  a preference to live  in their comfort zone...

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            schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            hmm, point...i suppose
            
            or....if both eventually did not want to marry...
            
            
            not...

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   prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

   First, a woman that they are attracted to physically, have self confidence and not needy --  a loyal woman who can keep a home (take care of children and her man),  while earning online, LOL,

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    netslumsposted 13 years ago

    For me, this is a fairly easy question to answer. I look for a woman who is socially acceptable, physically attractive (to an extent), has similar interests as me and someone who is not "easy". As long as the woman fits this basic criteria, she would be marriage material for me.

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    dawnMposted 13 years ago

    Hi schoolgirlforreal, I have been asked this question so many times and i can give my opinion on it but then that wouldnt be much fun, I like to hear what people have to say and I alway love to see how a woman answers the question as opposed to a man, quite interesting.......

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       schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       right, I kind of thought so...any interesting conclusions? feel free to analyze me if you want, or send me a message although I prob didn't do well!!

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    Tilecleaninghubposted 13 years ago

    Wow the elusive semi-attractive woman who will have our kids, raise them well and put up with our crap.  Not too many of them out there.

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    Amber4posted 13 years ago

    Youngsters won't admit this, but consciously or subconsciously I think they choose someone that reminds them of Mama.

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       Greek Oneposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Really?
       what's your mama look like?
       lol

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    pink flavourposted 13 years ago

    I think they want to marry a woman that is challenging enough for them , that is not an open book from the very beginning, that can be a best friend, a lover, a lady all in one. She must be different every day and a continous source of inspiration.

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    ssaulposted 13 years ago

    this is a difficult one because every man has their own taste as well as before you get marry they may say they want one thing then the next another which ma put strain on a marriage. some men likes women with independence while other dont! its just hard to say

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    arbposted 13 years ago

    I suppose this thread calls me to the defense of my noble gender, although I should not presume to define every mans true intent. While it is true that men are moved by a biological drive to divide and conquer it should be noted that we did not create ourselves with so pathetic a goal in mind. That we are driven to such ends is biologically who we are. Having acknowledged that we men must function beneath the weight of such burden is not a license to do so without responsibility. It is simply important to recognized that we are so driven. It is said that men give love to get sex and that women give sex to get love. I suspect there is truth to the statement. In the end, however, both men and women use what they have to somehow obtain the same thing, that which they want. Whether it is nobler to pusue love rather than sex depends, I suppose, on the mechanism that drives human desire. If either pursuit is rooted in honesty then there is little room for surprise or dissapointment. A women who is after marriage is no less guilty if she is using sex to get what she is after.   
    There are so many things which lead a man to marriage. but, I would note that the absence of sexual attraction is not one of them, rather I would endorse the premise, that the more I love her, the more sexually appealing she becomes. It is neither sex nor man, nor woman that creates an obstacle to marriage. In the end, it is the elusive chemistry that draws us together and though sex may not be the vehicle that gets us from a to b, it certainly enhances the ride.

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       Rajab Nsubugaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Well put. I welcome the defense. I, however, feel that sex does not only enhances the ride, in more cases than not; it motivates it.

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    know oneposted 13 years ago

    This trended on twitter recently under #sheiswifey
    
    Some of the responses were quite touching... and some not so. Playing Call of Duty WITH the guy featured quite strongly in some of their estimations of what made "wifey" material

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    habeeposted 13 years ago

    In answer to the original question, I think it depends on the maturity level of the male. I used to ask my male students which one they'd choose to marry:
    
    A. A hot, gorgeous girl who was mean, nasty, and completely self centered. One who ran around on him behind his back with his friends. This one won't help cook or clean. She spends every penny she can get on herself.
    
    B. An average-looking girl who was kind, compassionate, smart, funny, and thoughtful. One who was always supportive, honest, and faithful. She loves to cook and nurture.
    
    Which one do you think they chose? 10th grade boys chose A about 80% of the time. 12th grade boys chose A about 40% of the time. Only about 10% of the college guys chose A.

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    Joy56posted 12 years ago

    Help i think i am turning into my hubbies mother.  Or did he see me in her all along....  HELP AGAIN.  this such an interesting and educational thread.

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    Disturbiaposted 12 years ago

    What do men look for in a woman that they want to marry?
    
    I've been married five times and I still don't know.  Obviously it's not looks, intelligence, money, or a good sense of humor.

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    logic,commonsenseposted 12 years ago

    Passion

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       Disturbiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       LOL, passion is overrated.  It has been my passion that has gotten me into my many marriages, but it's been my ex-husbands' passions that have sent me to the marriage counselors, the rehab centers, and on more than one occasion to the hospital.

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    ftclickposted 12 years ago

    commitment and respect
    
    source:  personal experiences

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    Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years ago

    Once I got to a certain age, I decided there were certain characteristics I couldn't deal with. I promised myself I wouldn't begrudgingly stay in relationships with women who lie incessantly, play hard to get, play mind games or flirt with every single guy they see. That was the easy part and I haven't dated anyone in almost four years. It's also not easy to meet a woman and three minutes into knowing her she tries to hold you responsible for everything every other man has done to hurt her. Despite being lonely, I'm nowhere near as miserable as I was the times I found myself in relationships (out of fear of being alone) with women I didn't feel respected by.
    
    As for what I look for in a life-long mate, that is hard to describe because it is so abstract and spiritual. But, with the most obvious manifestation of feelings being physical, I have to admit I am prone to extremes. The minute I first make eye contact with a woman I either feel nothing or I feel a magnetism that is irresistible. I wrote a couple of hubs about what certain women have done to me (not that I didn't do it to myself, but . . .)
    
    I guess for me it starts with warmth. If I meet a woman who makes me shake inside, I usually try to access her compassionate nature. If she is comfortable with what she feels in her heart then a bunch of otherwise undesirable characteristics can be easily overlooked.

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       Disturbiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Jonathan - I find what you say very interesting.  It seems that I have been married to or dated the male counterparts to the women you describe.  The man I just divorced was very much all the things you mention, i.e. the lies, the flirting, the game playing, and most of all holding me responsible for and taking out his aggression on me for what every other woman he ever knew before me did to him, including some girl he had a crush on when he was 12 and in jr. highschool.  So she didn't like him, what has that got to do with me?   
       
       I have to tell you, and I know this for a fact, eventually you won't be able to overlook those "undesirable characteristics" and they will lead to nothing but misery.  I tried to do that.  My ex wasn't all horrible, he was a good man in most respects, he has lots of friends, he's charming, warm, loving, and my daughters both still have a great deal of affection for him.  He was just not a very good husband.  I always thought if he treated me the way he does his friends we could probably have had a happy marriage.

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          Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I date the female counterparts of the men you were married to? That's funny because my mother often tells me the same thing!

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    prettydarkhorseposted 12 years ago

    it depends on what he is looking for, the idea of a good wife may vary from person to person. However most look for a person whom they believe can be their "partner" in the truest sense of the word.

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