What do men look for in a woman that they want to marry?

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  1. dawnM profile image57
    dawnMposted 13 years ago

    Some men just like to date some women for fun and then others they want to marry, what is the difference between the two.

    1. soneblom profile image60
      soneblomposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Good Question dawnM! I think some woman are just that way hey, they avail themselves to the "just like to date" game. some even go for married men.

    2. profile image0
      Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Well first of all, men who date for fun obviously only want to have a good time, which implies they're only after one thing....SEX!  Sadly, I've met many men that are degenerates that know how to woo any woman into bed with them, even though they could really care less about them.  Trust me, there's a reason why some men are referred to as wolves.

      Men who are looking for marriage often want something more than sex.  They're looking for someone that they share a mutual attraction with that could lead to something more serious.  That's the key difference between the two...

    3. Misha profile image65
      Mishaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      development stage smile

    4. ediggity profile image60
      ediggityposted 13 years agoin reply to this
    5. jimmy yang profile image61
      jimmy yangposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      dateing woman for fun, it is just one of answers of why men dating women !
      as for your questiion, I donot think it is a easy question to answer !It maybe involves to philosophical and Genetic problem !
      there are two main nature for human:eating to survival and having sex to let you live longer in the form of your son/girl/grandchild---
      as for what men are looking for from women ,I am sorry I cannot answer you in detail !

    6. speedbird profile image61
      speedbirdposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Men marry women who give them a challenge, remember men are competitive by nature. Their minds are geared to 'winning' so if you want to get hitched, play him as a trophy to be won. The opposite also applies.

    7. CyclingFitness profile image91
      CyclingFitnessposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hey Dawn.

      It seems strange to many of my friends however I look for a partner that is going to challenge me. Alot of my female friends do not understand this. I mean mentally challenge in terms of career, intellect and outlook on life

      I'm not looking for someone to change me, however someone who helps me be a better person while i'm with them.

      Is this why i'm still single or does anyone else feel like this?

      1. rebekahELLE profile image86
        rebekahELLEposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        I'm not sure all women would understand what you're saying. I think a lot of women want the man to be strong enough to challenge himself, and doesn't require motivation from his partner, but more because he wants to be his best for her and be the protector, provider.

        But I think I get what you're saying. You want an equal, someone who inspires you to live life fully as you would do for her. Don't settle, she's out there somewhere.

        1. CyclingFitness profile image91
          CyclingFitnessposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          Thanks rebekahELLE

          I feel I am a strong person in my own right and challenge myself, provide and support,

          However yes I want an equal instead of settling for what others is the norm. Maybe i've always been too independant!


    8. Mikel G Roberts profile image76
      Mikel G Robertsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      For me it is her character, her integrity... her soul if you will. It is the feeling of comfort I get by being in her presence, feeling her aura, and knowing that I affect her in the same way.

    9. Marp profile image60
      Marpposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      The most important thing I look for in woman is having good mutual understanding. If woman and man has good mutual understanding each other most of problems can be solved out and can live happily marriage life

    10. CaravanHolidays profile image61
      CaravanHolidaysposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I think the problem here is that you are trying to generalize what men want, or even indeed what men are.  They don't all want the same things.

    11. profile image0
      kimberlyslyricsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      misunderstanding and pressure feeling they have to. hmm:

  2. Shadesbreath profile image80
    Shadesbreathposted 13 years ago

    Men want mostly the same things in a wife that women want in a husband: stability, reliability, friendship, a sense of fun (shared common interests), the kind of person who makes a good parent, a good lover, attractive.

    The women who are "fun" as you call it don't need a lot of that stuff. They just have to be:  attractive, a good lover.

    Men will sleep with a whore and be perfectly fine with it.  They don't want to marry one though.  Women can scream and shout about hypocrisy and unfairness and shallowness and double standards and all they want. They are even technically "morally" right.  But that changes nothing.  Men don't marry whores.  They have little or no guilt about their role in making women into whores either.  It is what it is (it's one of the things religions often try to deal with).  Anything anyone says other than that is hippy propaganda, PC delusion, and ass kissing.

    1. dawnM profile image57
      dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      well put, it is interesting though how many women out there really want to get married but give it up on the first date and wonder why he isn't calling them back.

      1. jimmy yang profile image61
        jimmy yangposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        maybe the responsiblity was rest on women !who know the situation and the atmosphere when they were dating ?

    2. Flightkeeper profile image67
      Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It's somewhat cruel Shadesbreath to call a woman a whore just because she likes to sleep with a man who she thinks is attractive.  Have men really devalued a woman so quickly because she likes having sex with him?  Dang! It's a good thing I wasn't expecting more than a shag! lol

      1. Shadesbreath profile image80
        Shadesbreathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        The emotional effect of the word "whore" is important. The word is charged because it has at its center a very real human conflict, at least in the West: the conflict between a woman's right to do with her body what she will and the biological/cultural reality of how men react to sexually active women.

        It is true that men in large percentages (and no matter how hypocritical it seems intellectually) will sleep with women who are easy, but prefer not to marry them.  That is a reality that only stubborn or willfully blind thinking humans will acknowledge, and despite anyone's ability to name someone who does not fit this description anecdotally.

        It is also true that women in the West prefer not to be covered with draperies and treated like the "weaker" sex and in general (albeit also hypocritical and selective) want to have the exact same social rights along with legal rights as men, which includes having the right to hump anything that moves if they so choose. 

        Women in the West have that right, and they can and often do hump whomever they like whenever they like.  When this happens often, it's called--whether you like it or not--being "easy" or being "a whore."  There are usually no shortage of men ready to hump this type of woman back, men sharing the love of humping, men who are also "easy" but who don't have a negatively connotative term ascribed to them (again for what I feel is evolved reasons, but arguments will be made by astute women's studies types that invoke cultural imperatives etc., which I will not shoot down here, and just say for now, "Hey, they could be right; what do I know?").

        Nonetheless, those hump-loving men are not going to turn to those easy, hump-loving women when they are seeking a wife.  They just don't.  A woman who is easy is, well, easy.  Men are the gender of greed, of war, of accumulation of resources.  Men are also often insecure, whether they know it or not: the male life IS nothing but an unending competition.  Men don't value things that are easily gotten, things that any man can have, because, well, by the very nature of "value" it requires some degree of rarity.

        This is not to say that sexually active women don't get married.  It's just that, in my experience, they tend to end up with guys who don't know the details of their past, or who think that is the best they can do, guys who tend not to do well in head-to-head chick getting, if I may be so crass.

        This does not mean that women who are sexually active have no worth as people or intellects, it just tends to be that men don't stick around to find out that stuff if she's easy because respect is lost, at least when it comes to wife getting.  She might make a good business partner or partner in crime, but the wife thing is rendered unlikely.

        Just a theory.  I could be missing something.  But that's the evidence of what I've observed over time and it correlates pretty directly with the anthropology, history and lit that I have read.

        [edit - Damn, this was long... Guess I shoulda wrote a hub.  LOL.  Sorry.]

        1. Cagsil profile image71
          Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          lol lol lol

        2. Flightkeeper profile image67
          Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Shade, I understand where you're coming from.  A woman's criteria for a quickie with a guy is radically different than when she chooses to spend hopefully a lifetime with a mate.  It goes the same way for men.  We are all hypocrites to a certain degree.

          However, what I was trying to say is that as women, we all to an extent expect a certain amount of sexual freedom and it does distress me that among women we still call each other whores when it comes to indulging in casual sex.  I hope that we as women can respect each other's sexual choices and not be judged so harshly, we have enough men doing that to us without doing it to ourselves.   That's all I'm saying.

    3. Misha profile image65
      Mishaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Actually I do enjoy a pretty ass kissing. Quite a lot big_smile

      1. Shadesbreath profile image80
        Shadesbreathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        That's because you are a man-whore.  big_smile

        1. Misha profile image65
          Mishaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          LOL Yes I am. Mark actually just called me a slut a few days ago. I guess there is no use to stay undercover anymore big_smile

          1. profile image49
            anjyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            i just want to tell misha its not good

  3. profile image0
    awesome77posted 13 years ago

    A guy is a predictable animal! Guys do not mature mentally until the late 20's. Women on the other hand mature too fast! In fact the sooner you have sex with a guy, the less likely he will marry you!

    Truth be told, when a guy meets you the first time, his only interest is sex! Depending on his skills and condition, he will do almost anything to get into your pants! If you play along on those lines you will lose!

    You have to make him see, you like other things. Make him realize You have a brain and can use it. Go on dates and split the bill. Just be yourself. Control yourself in all situations!

    You have to have a genuine sense of the kind of guy your like!

    I do think you attract who you are! If you go around lying and cheating, don't expect a truthful guy to fall into your laps!

    1. dawnM profile image57
      dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Great honest answer awesome 77, I really think that if more women could read what you wrote they would not be putting themselves out there like that and have more respect for themselves.  Men like women who are confident in who they are and not trying to be someone else to get the guy.

      1. lrohner profile image68
        lrohnerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Ugh, ugh, ugh. Back to the old male sterotype. If a man "puts himself out there," he's just "macho." If a woman does it, she's a whore. Sigh.......

        Good thing you fellas aren't privy to womens' conversations. You just might be a bit surprised. smile

    2. Bill Manning profile image68
      Bill Manningposted 13 years ago

      I've had dozens and dozens of girlfriends and never stayed with any more than 1 month to a year. Every time I honestly went into it with the hope that this one would be the one I could stay with.

      Maybe I'm too damn picky, but they always had what I call the "too nice" attitude. That's not really the right word but basically they were like this:

      1. The religious nut. "You have to believe what I do or I can't be with you". Bye bye!

      2. "I want a man who knows what a woman wants without her having to tell him, make lots of money and spoil me and never have a bad day" Bye bye!

      3. "Like, I love to be in harmony with the earth and have my soulmate so we can channel our cosmic energy together and create peace" Bye bye bye bye!

      4. " I know it's only been two days but we get along great so why not move in together" Hello,, where did he go,,,,,

      Yeah I really pick em! I just want a gal who is down to earth, sure of herself, not expecting a prince or a scumbag. Someone with NO religious baggage and just enjoys life.

      That, myself, is what I want in a wife. The others,,,, are just fun dates. smile

    3. dawnM profile image57
      dawnMposted 13 years ago

      well Bill thank-you for the low down, I am enjoying all of the information

      1. schoolgirlforreal profile image80
        schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Dawn, you are a sex-expert aren't you? Are you doing more research? I thought you knew everything?
        (this is not sarcastic)

    4. Mikeydoes profile image43
      Mikeydoesposted 13 years ago

      I'd say trust would probably be my biggest issue, if I were consider settling down.

    5. Paul Wingert profile image60
      Paul Wingertposted 13 years ago

      That she's NOT a psycho b***h and liar like my ex wife.

      1. AllyWrites profile image60
        AllyWritesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Paul, the fact that you refer to your former wife in those terms are more a reflection on you than on her. First of all, you married her, so there must be something that you loved or admired about her at some point. Secondly, if you go into a new relationship with that negativity, you will create a self fulfilling propecy. Instead of focusing on her and her shortcomings, focus on what you learned from your marriage and how it changed you. Best of luck...

    6. Cagsil profile image71
      Cagsilposted 13 years ago

      You know, it's funny how this topic has gotten so far off topic within only 17 posts. lol lol

      What do men look for in a woman that they want to marry? This question is too generalized, and mostly irrelevant, because of personal choice. Each person wants something for the other and vice versa- what exactly that is is completely up to that person.

      I have been privy to some womens conversations, and they respond no different than the men do, with regards to what they think about men sleeping around....where do you think the saying "Men are dogs" came from.

      1. lrohner profile image68
        lrohnerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Now Cags, you REALLY don't want me to answer that question, do you? smilesmilesmile

        1. Cagsil profile image71
          Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Hey Irohner, you can take a shot at it. I've known more female than I have males, and not a single one would admit that men are not dogs. I hear it almost everyday from one female or another, just in my daily routine.

          Sooner or later, men are going to find themselves in a pickle, where they will be scouring the streets looking for something, because women will final see what must be done. It would only take one voice, to bring enough women, that could shake the foundation of civilization, and truly bring about equality.

          The male sexual drive versus a woman's will to be equal? Many millions of men going without because women are so sick and tired of the games that men play. I can see it happening. However, I am not that voice, but am pretty sure I understand. wink

          1. schoolgirlforreal profile image80
            schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            right. I absolutely will NOT tolerate any man who cheats.
            Mine does not, and I'm sure of it.
            Men are definitely DOGS if they think they can F*** around and expect their woman not to!!! lol lol lol
            But it's really not that funny.  In my mind, if anyone cheats, it's gonna be me lol (seriously).  F*** men who are chauvenistic.....sorry bout the language wink I'm am a lady. smile
            Also, if I was in an age where ALL men were dogs---------I would most likely be gay.

            1. Cagsil profile image71
              Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this


              1. schoolgirlforreal profile image80
                schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                Thank you ! lol wink

            2. banzaradiwana profile image61
              banzaradiwanaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              hi, you so echo my thoughts smile ha ha ha your last sentence is a scream smile

              1. schoolgirlforreal profile image80
                schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                Thankyou wink lol totally !!

      2. schoolgirlforreal profile image80
        schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        right. And then there are women who are in "no marriage relationships" who are not loose because they are monogomous and so is the guy in this case, but maybe they want marriage but just aren't sure where it's going and whether they will stay or not???

        1. banzaradiwana profile image61
          banzaradiwanaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          or both may carry the proverbial "excess baggage" which may or mayn't have a time span. It could be also  a preference to live  in their comfort zone... smile

          1. schoolgirlforreal profile image80
            schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            hmm, point...i suppose

            or....if both eventually did not want to marry...


    7. prettydarkhorse profile image58
      prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

      First, a woman that they are attracted to physically, have self confidence and not needy --  a loyal woman who can keep a home (take care of children and her man),  while earning online, LOL,

    8. netslums profile image74
      netslumsposted 13 years ago

      For me, this is a fairly easy question to answer. I look for a woman who is socially acceptable, physically attractive (to an extent), has similar interests as me and someone who is not "easy". As long as the woman fits this basic criteria, she would be marriage material for me.

    9. dawnM profile image57
      dawnMposted 13 years ago

      Hi schoolgirlforreal, I have been asked this question so many times and i can give my opinion on it but then that wouldnt be much fun, I like to hear what people have to say and I alway love to see how a woman answers the question as opposed to a man, quite interesting.......

      1. schoolgirlforreal profile image80
        schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        right, I kind of thought so...any interesting conclusions? feel free to analyze me if you want, or send me a message smile although I prob didn't do well!! lol

    10. profile image0
      Tilecleaninghubposted 13 years ago

      Wow the elusive semi-attractive woman who will have our kids, raise them well and put up with our crap.  Not too many of them out there.

    11. Amber4 profile image60
      Amber4posted 13 years ago

      Youngsters won't admit this, but consciously or subconsciously I think they choose someone that reminds them of Mama.

      1. Greek One profile image63
        Greek Oneposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        what's your mama look like?

    12. pink flavour profile image61
      pink flavourposted 13 years ago

      I think they want to marry a woman that is challenging enough for them , that is not an open book from the very beginning, that can be a best friend, a lover, a lady all in one. She must be different every day and a continous source of inspiration.

    13. profile image0
      ssaulposted 13 years ago

      this is a difficult one because every man has their own taste as well as before you get marry they may say they want one thing then the next another which ma put strain on a marriage. some men likes women with independence while other dont! its just hard to say

    14. arb profile image79
      arbposted 13 years ago

      I suppose this thread calls me to the defense of my noble gender, although I should not presume to define every mans true intent. While it is true that men are moved by a biological drive to divide and conquer it should be noted that we did not create ourselves with so pathetic a goal in mind. That we are driven to such ends is biologically who we are. Having acknowledged that we men must function beneath the weight of such burden is not a license to do so without responsibility. It is simply important to recognized that we are so driven. It is said that men give love to get sex and that women give sex to get love. I suspect there is truth to the statement. In the end, however, both men and women use what they have to somehow obtain the same thing, that which they want. Whether it is nobler to pusue love rather than sex depends, I suppose, on the mechanism that drives human desire. If either pursuit is rooted in honesty then there is little room for surprise or dissapointment. A women who is after marriage is no less guilty if she is using sex to get what she is after.   
      There are so many things which lead a man to marriage. but, I would note that the absence of sexual attraction is not one of them, rather I would endorse the premise, that the more I love her, the more sexually appealing she becomes. It is neither sex nor man, nor woman that creates an obstacle to marriage. In the end, it is the elusive chemistry that draws us together and though sex may not be the vehicle that gets us from a to b, it certainly enhances the ride.

      1. Rajab Nsubuga profile image61
        Rajab Nsubugaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Well put. I welcome the defense. I, however, feel that sex does not only enhances the ride, in more cases than not; it motivates it.

    15. know one profile image60
      know oneposted 13 years ago

      This trended on twitter recently under #sheiswifey

      Some of the responses were quite touching... and some not so. Playing Call of Duty WITH the guy featured quite strongly in some of their estimations of what made "wifey" material smile

    16. habee profile image92
      habeeposted 13 years ago

      In answer to the original question, I think it depends on the maturity level of the male. I used to ask my male students which one they'd choose to marry:

      A. A hot, gorgeous girl who was mean, nasty, and completely self centered. One who ran around on him behind his back with his friends. This one won't help cook or clean. She spends every penny she can get on herself.

      B. An average-looking girl who was kind, compassionate, smart, funny, and thoughtful. One who was always supportive, honest, and faithful. She loves to cook and nurture.

      Which one do you think they chose? 10th grade boys chose A about 80% of the time. 12th grade boys chose A about 40% of the time. Only about 10% of the college guys chose A.

    17. Joy56 profile image67
      Joy56posted 12 years ago

      Help i think i am turning into my hubbies mother.  Or did he see me in her all along....  HELP AGAIN.  this such an interesting and educational thread.

    18. Disturbia profile image60
      Disturbiaposted 12 years ago

      What do men look for in a woman that they want to marry?

      I've been married five times and I still don't know.  Obviously it's not looks, intelligence, money, or a good sense of humor.

    19. profile image61
      logic,commonsenseposted 12 years ago


      1. Disturbia profile image60
        Disturbiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        LOL, passion is overrated.  It has been my passion that has gotten me into my many marriages, but it's been my ex-husbands' passions that have sent me to the marriage counselors, the rehab centers, and on more than one occasion to the hospital.

    20. ftclick profile image56
      ftclickposted 12 years ago

      commitment and respect

      source:  personal experiences smile

    21. Jonathan Janco profile image61
      Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years ago

      Once I got to a certain age, I decided there were certain characteristics I couldn't deal with. I promised myself I wouldn't begrudgingly stay in relationships with women who lie incessantly, play hard to get, play mind games or flirt with every single guy they see. That was the easy part and I haven't dated anyone in almost four years. It's also not easy to meet a woman and three minutes into knowing her she tries to hold you responsible for everything every other man has done to hurt her. Despite being lonely, I'm nowhere near as miserable as I was the times I found myself in relationships (out of fear of being alone) with women I didn't feel respected by.

      As for what I look for in a life-long mate, that is hard to describe because it is so abstract and spiritual. But, with the most obvious manifestation of feelings being physical, I have to admit I am prone to extremes. The minute I first make eye contact with a woman I either feel nothing or I feel a magnetism that is irresistible. I wrote a couple of hubs about what certain women have done to me (not that I didn't do it to myself, but . . .)

      I guess for me it starts with warmth. If I meet a woman who makes me shake inside, I usually try to access her compassionate nature. If she is comfortable with what she feels in her heart then a bunch of otherwise undesirable characteristics can be easily overlooked.

      1. Disturbia profile image60
        Disturbiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Jonathan - I find what you say very interesting.  It seems that I have been married to or dated the male counterparts to the women you describe.  The man I just divorced was very much all the things you mention, i.e. the lies, the flirting, the game playing, and most of all holding me responsible for and taking out his aggression on me for what every other woman he ever knew before me did to him, including some girl he had a crush on when he was 12 and in jr. highschool.  So she didn't like him, what has that got to do with me?   

        I have to tell you, and I know this for a fact, eventually you won't be able to overlook those "undesirable characteristics" and they will lead to nothing but misery.  I tried to do that.  My ex wasn't all horrible, he was a good man in most respects, he has lots of friends, he's charming, warm, loving, and my daughters both still have a great deal of affection for him.  He was just not a very good husband.  I always thought if he treated me the way he does his friends we could probably have had a happy marriage.

        1. Jonathan Janco profile image61
          Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I date the female counterparts of the men you were married to? That's funny because my mother often tells me the same thing!

    22. prettydarkhorse profile image58
      prettydarkhorseposted 12 years ago

      it depends on what he is looking for, the idea of a good wife may vary from person to person. However most look for a person whom they believe can be their "partner" in the truest sense of the word.


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