How to move on from a breakup without closure?

1. 88

   officialkent87posted 7 years ago

   All breakups are painful, even for couples who mutually agreed to part ways and went through proper closure. Thing is what if you broke up with someone and did not have the much-needed closure? How do you deal with this situation?

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   1. 80

      dashingscorpioposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      In order to "move on" one must be willing to "let go".
      Most people initially Do Not WANT to Let Go!
      
      1. The first thing a person has to do is truly (accept it's over)!
      You can't get to second base if you insist on keeping one foot on first base.
      
      2. Put away reminders, unfriend them from social media, block email and phone numbers from your ex, and avoid frequenting places where there is a high chance of bumping into each other. Have no contact 6mths - 1 year.
      
      Don't buy into the belief that it's possible to go from "hot lovers" to "instant platonic friends". Whenever someone offers "instant friendship" as a "consolation prize" they do so as to not feel like the "bad guy".
      
      Sadly the person who got dumped will often jump at the chance to be friends because deep down they hope it will allow them an opportunity to possibly reconcile down the road. Sometimes this causes deeper hurt if at some point the exes have sex and this person believes they're getting back together while their ex views it as being a "booty call" or "friends with benefits" until they meet their (ideal mate). Feeling used kills your spirit.
      
      The best scenario of exes becoming friends is usually after there has been a long period of time where both people have fallen in love with other people or have gotten married and they just happen to bump into each other and decide to touch base via email from time to time as acquaintances. Neither of them is emotionally invested in the past.
      
      3. Allow yourself (some time) to grieve among friends and family.
      Don't expect to bounce back instantly. Getting over a breakup or divorce takes some time but you can start to focus on things you may have been neglecting while you were in that relationship such as hobbies and other interests along with goals you had for your life prior to the relationship.
      Start rebuilding your self-esteem and take charge of your life again.
      
      For some people this entails working out and getting into their best physical shape, going back to school, traveling, reuniting with old friends they never seemed to have had time for while in the relationship, pursuing a new career, explore new adventures and opportunities....etc
      
      4. Put things in perspective and get a "reality check".
      Essentially STOP "romanticizing the past" or viewing it with "rose tinted" glasses. No relationship is ever "perfect" if yours was you'd still be together! The broken hearted tend to forget about "relationship issues".
      
      In order for your (ex) to have been "the one" they would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually WANTS to be with you! (And vice versa).
      
      Thankfully we live on a planet with (7 Billion) other people!
      Just know the person you feel you can't seem to live without there are BILLIONS of people who are doing exactly that! You use to be one of us!
      
      Odds are in everyone's favor that there are thousands if not millions of people around the globe who would love and appreciate someone like yourself to be in a relationship with. Every ending is a new beginning!
      
      5. Closure is overrated!
      
      Your ex is the last person who could help you get over them!
      
      Asking for closure more often than not is the equivalent of asking your ex to kick you in the head as they walk out the door.
      
      There is nothing your ex could say or do that would make you feel good about having your heart broken! No explanation would cause you to say:
      "I completely agree with you your life would be better off without me."
      
      All breakups are the result of one or both people reaching the conclusion that the relationship has run it's course and the person they're with turned out not to be "the one" they want to spend the rest of their life with.
      
      Logically it makes no sense to try to change or fix yourself for an (ex)!
      The goal is to find someone who would love and appreciate you for who you are! You won't have to "change yourself" to be loved by the right person. Flaws are like beauty; as is they're in eye of the beholder!
      
      Anything your ex could say about your personality, habits, or whatever that caused them to walk away could be the very same things that causes another person to fall {madly in love} with you!
      
      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself
      
      
      
      
      
      

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