Is it normal to NOT feel sadness after a breakup?

1. 70

   Ellana317posted 12 years ago

   Is it normal to NOT feel sadness after a breakup?
   
   I just recently ended a 3 month relationship and a everyone who finds out has asked in a somber tone "awww...how are you" but honestly I don't feel sad at all.  My best friend suggested  that I  go sit on someone's couch because the lack of emotion that I show in regards to men is "not normal."  What do you think???
   
   

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2. 60

   janesheebaposted 12 years ago

   Yes it is normal sometimes. Depends on how much you hate the person and the relationship. Also if you really didn't feel that you've lost something after the breakup it is totally OK to be normal and don't feel a thing!

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      Ellana317posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      LOL... Well thank you.  These people have me feeling like I am truly out of sync emotionally.  LOL...

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      Midorinkashi Sthaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      well, duh!! the reason you hate someone is because you have some feelings for that person.

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   dghbrhposted 12 years ago

   i agree @ janesheeba ...it is true. depends on how much u hated or loved the person and why on earth the broke happened. who's fault? and if you are the one who wished for break up then its fine and normal  not to feel sadness.

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      Ellana317posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your input dgbrh... I will be honest in saying that I have no ill feeling towards him.  I think that he was an amazing man just perhaps not the one for me.  I'm sure we'll remain friends but thats about as far as it goes.

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4. 60

   CScullyposted 12 years ago

   It is okay not be sad about a break up. It was only three months, not three years- that would be different if you didn't feel anything after a three year relationship. It just meant he wasn't the one!

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   1. 70

      Ellana317posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      LOL... I agree.  I told my friend the exact same thing.  Wev'e known each other for about 3 years but that doesn't count...LOL.

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   34th Bomb Groupposted 12 years ago

   Yes - you know you did the "right" thing.
   Were you struggling you'd still have doubts.

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   1. 70

      Ellana317posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, I definitely believe it was the right thing to do.  Niether of us were as happy as we could've been so I might have to see him next lifetime... ;-)

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   shalini sharanposted 12 years ago

   It might be possible that the relation you were in you restraining you from your potentialities and turning you into a different person, the break might have given you back your freedom and sense of good being
   
   most importantly you might be very strong, which is something you can flaunt about, i canassure you it is rare

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   1. 70

      Ellana317posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      LOL... Thanks for your input.  Some might say too strong but with my being a single mother and raising a little boy, there isn't much room for weakness.  :-)

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7. 72

   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   There are a lot of factors that determine a person's reaction to a breakup such as how long they were together, how deep in love they were, who dumped whom, and were there any clues/signs that things were not going to work out.
   3 Months is only 12 weeks, the equivalent of a summer fling. You also stated, "(I) just recently ended a 3 month relationship..." Generally speaking the person ending the relationship has thought it through and reached the conclusion they would be better off without this person. If a person was NOT "in love" or thought they were with "the one" and got dumped by surprise, then it's completely normal not to feel heartbroken when the relationship ends.

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      ZAZOposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That's normal.

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   kallini2010posted 12 years ago

   This question practically cannot be answered without knowing you as a person.  But what I thought immediately and it is not the FINAL and ABSOLUTE truth, but a feeling:
   
   1. No, it is not NORMAL to feel nothing.  There are no norms to begin with and the word "relationship" mean different things to different people.  You may not be too emotional to begin with, not all people are, it depends on your temperament.  It does not mean you cannot experience sadness - if it will come to your child - you will be sad when something of importance happens, right?  So, the context matters.
   
   2. You have known the person for three years, had "something" for three months for whatever reason without your heart being in it.  It does not mean that you did not "care, but it means that you did not care all that much.  You knew all along...
   
   3. But the most disquieting thought to me was and it was my thinking after my divorce as well - I only would get involved with people who would not be able to break my heart.  The choices were subconscious.  That is where you said "I had to be strong".  You are "choosing" the scenarios in which you would not be emotionally upset.
   
   But again, those are my thoughts and deep down you probably know what is right. 
   
   But if you do, why did you ask the question?  Is that because others disapprove of your lack of emotional upheaval?
   
   My recommendation (I should do it as well for myself) - look within yourself and find the reason for how you feel, what you want, how you want to feel and what in general you want!
   
   There is a book I can recommend - (I have not done the exercises either!), but I will do them eventually
   
   “The road to finding love can be a long and arduous one. It can be fraught with wrong turns, dangerous potholes, and circuitous routes that sometimes feel as if they’re leading you nowhere. […]
   
   You are standing at the fork in the road. One path leads to more of the same. It’s a safer journey, in many respects, but usually only leads to an all-too-familiar disappointment. The other path leads to freedom from the past and the very real possibility of love in the future. It is the unknown road. From that vantage point, it may seem somewhat intimidating and frightening. For this reason, it is the path less often traversed. […]
   
   Take heart and be not discouraged. Love belongs to all of us.” (Katherine Woodward Thomas “Calling in “The One”)
   
   Good luck to you and to all of us!

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      Ellana317posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Kallini2010~ Thanks for your response. You have definitely required me to do some soul searching.  It is VERY possible that I am only making myself accessible to people who can't really hurt me.  Interesting... Quite an "aha moment."

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9. 66

   soconfidentposted 12 years ago

   Yes it just mean you really was'nt into the relationship, but in some cases you may feel sad a little later

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10. 69

    Amethystravenposted 11 years ago

    Yes it is normal NOT to feel sadness especially if you know that the relationship is not healthy for either one of you. If you do not feel sadness your level of acceptance and acknowledgement that the relationship was not working is healthy. Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Every relationship is a learning experience as well as a growing experience. Sadness or dislike may mean that you have not accepted or acknowledged something in the relationship that was not working weather it be on your end or the other persons.

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    Edward J. Palumboposted 10 years ago

    It is entirely possible to feel a sense of relief after a breakup if you perceived (or hoped) it was inevitable. Another possibility is emotional numbing, though there are other issues, not related to this last relationship, to consider if that's the case. Did you reach a point of recognition or acceptance that it wouldn't develop into the relationship you wanted for the long term? Perhaps that's why you did not really grieve when it ended. Simply because your response wasn't typical doesn't mean it wasn't "normal".

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       KrakyePokuposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Well said

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    skytreeroadposted 10 years ago

    Sometimes it is just so good to be out of a relationship... and really three months is not very long to even form any kind of commitment or love thing. Really. Three months, my friend used to go to parties that lasted longer than that. You could barely bond with a puppy dog in 3 mos., let alone form a relationship to mope over. You will be just fine. You are not the Ice Queen of the Dating Scene. If your friend is swooning and weeping over short term relationships maybe she should seek that couch out. Healthy relationships take time to form, and then they have to grow, and then there may be pain. Not just 3 mos. of dating and casually knowing a fellow.

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13. 82

    carlajbehrposted 10 years ago

    I just brought up with a guy after 6 1/2 years.  I feel a sense of relief and I'm sad, but if it were only three months, I guess I'd just shrug my shoulders and move on.  I wouldn't worry too much about it - we all handle life in different ways and we don't always have to "feel" everything.  You seem like an attractive, smart lady - enjoy moving on!!

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14. 73

    manatita44posted 10 years ago

    Well Ellana,
    
    Three months is not long.
    
    It is also possible that you did not blend, and quite frankly, since you feel so detached, you probably saw it coming anyway. Again, you could have ended it. (You have not said much here.)
    
    Anything that makes you weak is good to let go and you will inevitably become stronger for this. I note that you have some wholesome pursuits and that may be a way of dealing with the lesser 'fillers' in your life.
    
    Do not dabble at understanding or discuss with friends what is now a mere experience. Let the past be and pave your way forward with Love and Truth. Peace.

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15. 0

    swilliamsposted 10 years ago

    Hi Ellana! I'm sorry to hear of your break up... of course it's normal NOT to feel sadness after a breakup for someone you don't care about. The feelings were just not there for you and this is okay. Women don't always have to cry after a break up, even though movies portray women in a needy position most of the time, this is not the case for you, and I think that's a good thing. You should just tell your friend that your moving on... "NEXT!" Good for you.

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    Oztinatoposted 10 years ago

    No it is not normal. It is a really big indicator of a potential abnormality or perhaps substance abuse to not feel emotions like sadness.

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    easylearningwebposted 10 years ago

    Everyone is different and the reasons that relationships end vary, so it all depends on the situation.
    
    For someone emotional, they may be distraught and it will take more time to move on and feel better about the break-up. Also, it depends on what happened to them in the past and whether or not they had good or bad relationships and how they ended. If the relationship ended badly and the person was hurt a lot, the person may hold a grudge or be angry, but that is normal, until they learn how to move on.
    
    For someone who is less emotional, or if the relationship was a happy and healthy one that just turned sour and both people decided to move on, then I can see one or both people not feeling as sad. Maybe it was just not the right match, and it wasn't meant to be.
    
    Then there are relationships were one person is controlling and the other person feels trapped. Maybe the relationship is toxic, and one person is abusive or mean; in that case, the person who feels trapped and unhappy may feel better when the relationship ends, because it was not a healthy one.
    
    So in summary, it depends on a lot of factors, but yes, in some cases, it is possible not to be sad if a relationship ends.

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18. 86

    cianekoposted 9 years ago

    Of course, especially if you consider that breakup as liberating. :-)

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    MrDanielAbramposted 9 years ago

    I think it is completely normal if you never felt an attachment to the person.

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       Sanjana mallickposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       Yes its true attachment n love is entirely different thing n we become sad when the bond of attachment is strong..n attachment grows with time..3 month is very short so itsnatural

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    myjokehubposted 9 years ago

    All depend on the feeling from both partners...3month hell no.....lol

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    SteviJayposted 9 years ago

    Perhaps the relationship was not as meaningful to you as it seemed to your friends. Maybe you don't feel sad because secretly you feel relieved? Sitting on some psychiatrist couch can be very expensive for someone who may only need to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Move on and be happy! Three months is called dating. Sad is a waste of time and adds wrinkles!

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       Kay-Cee Inspiresposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       You just have to be strong and move on

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    peter565posted 9 years ago

    Of course, just because you date the guy, doesn't necessary mean you love the guy, in fact sometime a person just went through the motion of things.

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    Mihnea Andreescuposted 9 years ago

    By all means,sadness is normal after a breakup if a strong soul bond/connection was interrupted.However,if members of a couple are not attached/dependent to each other then it is not compulsory for sadness to occur after a separation.

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    Dakkposted 9 years ago

    Depends on the relationship and the persons involved. Getting out of an unhealthy relationship can feel like being freed from a prison you've been locked inside for a long time, while having a good, promissing relationship crash and burn is a decent reason to feel sad.
    
    In your case, it was just a 3 month relationship. Three months is hardly anything to be worried or sad about, IMHO.

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    passionatelearnrposted 8 years ago

    3 months is a very short time.women usually don't develop strong emotional attachment in 3 months so your reaction is closer to normal.

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    Observer4posted 8 years ago

    Normally if a breakup happens in a relationship,it means that they are not finding whatever they are seeking in a relationship.So a relationship not progressing would eventually end up in one of them making up a reason to avoid other.Since the relationship isn't working the other partner would accept the reason however silly it would be.
           If you are not feeling sad then it is understood that your partner is the one who took the initiative for break up.If that's the case then there is no cause of worry.
                               Normally an individual feel sadness only if that person is feeling a sense of guilt lingering in her mind.Actually now is the time for you to look forward to a really fulfilling relationship.
    Best Wishes!!!

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    YvetteParkerposted 8 years ago

    It's probably abnormal not to feel ANY emotion after the breakup of a relationship; particularly a long term relationship. However, in your case, three months is not a long time. But, I think there still should be some type of emotion after a breakup (regardless of how long you were together), it just doesn't have to be sadness or sorrow. However, every relationship is different and each individual is unique. You know yourself better than anyone else, so trust your instinct.

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    Vinay Cheziposted 8 years ago

    I think it takes some time for reality to set in, it takes time for you to realize how much you need him when you really need someone to talk to about the most trivial of things but nobody seems to want to listen.
    Or it could be simply that towards the end you two fought and alienated each other so much that by the time you officially ended, it didn't matter.

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    Chaitanya Ravalposted 8 years ago

    Totally.....I mean what is wrong in that!? It is the nature that we are talking. Why bother what people think! If you don't want to cry, then don't cry. It is not that someone will think less of you. And if someone does, well stay away from that dude is the best option.

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    Ashish Dadgaaposted 8 years ago

    Dear Ellana,
    It is totally normal to NOT feel DISAPPOINTED. As far as you both are cleared your issues and both are living happy singles then no problem at all

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    Sherry Hewinsposted 8 years ago

    I have ended relationships where I felt nothing but relief after getting that burden off my shoulders.

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    Bakul Valambhiyaposted 8 years ago

    First of all your so called friend should get out from your life who give you such stupid advice that you have lack of emotion.
    
    And now let me tell you that whatever the relations which are not working should be ended before it get worse. The fact is when you found that you are not happy with the relation, you ended it! Now what is the logic in feeling sad. You should obviously feel happy!

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    Sreineposted 8 years ago

    It is totally normal to not feel sadness after a breakup. Reason can be maybe you did not have that much feelings towards your partner or maybe there used to be a spark and it's not there anymore it got boring so yes it's totally normal.

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    Mercy and poetryposted 8 years ago

    Probably you did not care about him, if you did, then probably he is doing well. Otherwise it would be hard to be okey if you really cared about him and he is not doing well after the break-up while you are doing well. It would sound egocentric. If you are both happy then probably something wasn't meant to be going on between you two...or you just feel you still can have each other back if you want to so there is no need to worry. If not so, if you just decided to dump him for no good reason or for someone else in your mind then you might as well feel nothing or excited to start a new relationship with the new guy, however, you  may someday feel something when you see him marrying a prettier girl than you and you just realize he is worth more than you thought... That said, I want to assume you don't feel sad because both of you are ok with the break up and it is for the good of both of you.

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    Simplysenselesposted 8 years ago

    It really depends on the situation, for example, if you broke up with him, it means you just didn't feel the same and didn't want to be with him which is a good reason as to why you wouldn't be sad.
    
    You decided your life was better without this person and was ready to move on from that part of your life. So, you not feeling sad is normal if that's the case.

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    Kiki Estimeposted 8 years ago

    
    
    That great, it mean you are emotional strong.

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    frumpletonposted 8 years ago

    This person wasn't right for you or you would feel sad.  It wasn't meant to be and your brain knew it even before your heart did.  Just go on with your life and listen to your inner voice.  It will tell you if that person is who you should be with.  If you ignore that voice, you will end up in emotional pain and possibly, financial, as well.

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    J-Lynposted 7 years ago

    I think you are smart. If you didn't feel anything it wasn't a loss. We have chemicals that go off in our brain when we like or love someone. Obviously those chemicals didn't fire the way they could with someone else.At least you are smart for not investing more time and energy into something you probably didn't feel you wanted to commit to. You go girl.

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    Jade89posted 7 years ago

    I wouldn't really consider 3 months a long term relationship so chances are you wern't really attached to the other person. I don't think I would feel torn apart either. Maybe your friend is the one who isn't "normal" if she gets emotionally attached to every man she's in brief relationships with lol. I think you're perfectly normal

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    Munachi Abrahamposted 7 years ago

    Yes is normal to feel that way. The reason i said so is because you never had feelings for your partner. It was just a loveless relationship, maybe it was lust that brought you people together.

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    Omar Eldamsheetyposted 7 years ago

    Yes, sometimes you wish from your heart to leave someone but you are waiting him to do that before you to avoid feeling guilty.

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    Abdeali kachwalaposted 7 years ago

    There is nothing to be sad about. It means the spark was over from the relationship and the feelings too and so for that obvious reason it lead to a breakup. Everyone has a different way to deal with things and in your case it's a breakup so there's not an issue if you don't feel sad about it. Maybe this helped you !

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    Angel Alkaposted 7 years ago

    This is completely normal. You might start to feel bad again later, you might have already processed things. Everyone deals with breakups at a different pace, and it sounds like you spent some time before the breakup working through a good chunk of it. You're not a monster and you're not heartless. Now, if you'd just dumped the guy with no notice, laughed and skipped away, then there'd be something remarkable.Sometimes it's right for things to end. It's sad, and you might feel sorry for yourself, but if you did the right thing, ultimately you'll feel okay about it.
    
    Don't be surprised if you feel sad again, you'll have your moments, but in the end, you know what you did was right and you don't have to be brokenhearted if you're not.

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    mayank147posted 7 years ago

    Its depends on the relation. Time plays a most important role in one's relation and also as you said you had 3 months of relation. But sometimes 1 month old relation can also give you pain and some time 1 year relation break-up doesn't give you pain. Its all depends on the emotions and also the bonding between you and your partner. We can't judge if it is normal or not but we can say only one word "MOVE ON'.

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    David Branaganposted 7 years ago

    It was only 3 months, that's not a long time. Possibly you weren't emotionally invested in the relationship and that's why you are fine. Maybe you started to let go pretty soon into the relationship, so you did your goodbyes in advance. A couple of relationships I was in, I saw the end coming months before hand, and I felt okay when they ended. Others I didn't see coming and I wasn't okay!

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    Jaxxiposted 7 years ago

    I think that you are a confident person who likes who you are and you dont need validation from men to have self worth. Part of you doesnt want to be in a relationship, and you are not a lonely person. This relationship hurt a long time ago, but you got over it.  Or, youre numb towards men because of daddy issues, but i think its the first answer.

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    Collotteposted 7 years ago

    It depends. If you really love him/her then you should feel sad. You might miss that person.
    On the other hand, if you always argue and don't feel as if you love him, that is something else.

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    TaraSquirrelposted 7 years ago

    I think it depends on how you felt towards the person when you break up. If there was no love then breaking up wouldn't bother you as much as if you broke up and there was still some emotions towards each other left.
    
    It is easy for some people to detach and this is what keeps us from being sad I  these situations.

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    Karishmaqasimposted 7 years ago

    This is completely normal. First of all, it was only 3 months relation, secondly it is possible that you were mentally prepared for the break up. Expectations hurt but maybe you had not yet started to expect anything at all. So chill.

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    Jeanna218posted 7 years ago

    Yes. This means that you have accepted the fact that the feelings are gone or were never there.

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