jump to last post 1-3 of 3 discussions (4 posts)

Men need to feel needed

  1. realtalk247 profile image70
    realtalk247posted 5 months ago

    Had this conversation with a man about men having the need to feel needed. This conversation made me want feedback, perhaps from a man's point of view.

    Several times I've witnessed professional, hard-worked, career oriented men chase women on the lower socio-economic levels with many children typically with many men.  (No judgements just stating the facts). Yes, a sad life situation shared early causing empathy and pity to disguise manipulative/bad intentions.
    These men will find women without their own car, section-8, or working minimum wage and scoop them up and bring them over to their homes in nice communities-wine and dine them. Eventually what happens is the woman causes constant drama and causes the man to experience financial devastation. 

    While not all men's preferences are not the same, this idea of 'men need to feel needed' - how does this apply to the average working professional?

    To clarify:
    I'm not against a man providing for his household.
    I'm not against people working together to achieve.

    But - I wonder
    Is this a regional thing?
    Is this the ego of a man?
    Is this just how it is?
    Is this tied to low self-esteem?
    Is this a true opinion of inferiority and "beneath you" ideology when it comes to the opposite sex?

    Please clarify the attraction for those that share have this preference or can shed understanding regarding this situation. Is helpless the ultimate attraction for a man?

    1. dashingscorpio profile image88
      dashingscorpioposted 5 months agoin reply to this

      There are three basic things that attract men to women.

      1. Physical attributes (Beauty is in the eye of the beholder)
      2. A woman who is personable, easy going personality, or not standoffish.
      3. A great sense of humor.

      A large majority of men would rather date a "hot looking" cocktail waitress with three children than a successful "plain Jane" doctor or attorney who has no children nor ever been married.

      I knew a woman who was having problems dating men.
      She'd proudly state her position with a company, her six figure salary, the new Mercedes she recently purchased, and the various countries she's traveled to on vacations. She wondered why she was having difficulty.
      In (her eyes) she was the ultimate catch! She'd send men her LinkedIn page. She really thought she "intimidated men". She turned them off!

      I told her all that is well and good if she is trying to find a (wife)!
      Men by and large are not looking for financial security when it comes dating. Even many successful women expect (men) to pay for dates!

      The initial impetus for asking a woman out is physical attractiveness. Anything they learn about her beyond that is "icing on the cake".

      A lot of men also find it difficult to let go of a GREAT sex partner.
      Believe it or not  all women are not equal when it comes to sexual skills.
      Whether it's "skills" or "chemistry" both men and women have been guilty of hanging onto partners who caused them drama if the sex is great.

      The irony is a lot of women believe men are irresponsible when it comes to providing for children and yet some women knock men who date women with multiple children. Clearly a lot of men do not have a stigma against dating or marrying women with children. 
      It's not unheard of to hear about a man choosing to raise a child after learning it's not his own because his mate cheated on him. Once again men are not into women because of money.

      Most men and women have been programmed to believe men are "suppose" to be the larger breadwinner in the household. Therefore men don't hold it against women who aren't as successful as they are. Some women on the other hand refuse to date men who earn less than them. They're offended if a guy with a low income approaches them!

      In the movie "Claudine" A man (James Earl Jones) meets a woman (Diahann Carroll) who has (six children) and marries her. It's considered a classic romantic fairytale. There are some guys who really may want to be "the knight in shining armor" or "prince charming" who sweeps the damsel in distress off her feet.  Successful women may call him a (fool) because they no longer believe in fairytales or have a Cinderella complex. However there are lots of women who would see guys like this as being "good men".

      Imagine how few men Oprah, Madonna, or Halle Berry could date if they held the standard that a man has to earn as much as they do.

      There may be some men who do enjoy being "needed" or being the hero.
      It's possible they too were raised in a single mother household and know the challenges it had. The guy may have also formed an attachment with the woman's children. He relates to not having (his own father) around.
      It's about his (empathy) not ego, low self-esteem, or inferiority.

      However the majority of men seek to be "desired" or "wanted" by women.
      Some (successful women) have a difficult time showing (desire) for a man.
      Their self-esteem is predicated upon letting men know they're disposable.
      One of the reasons men watch porn or visit strip clubs is because the women in those venues tend to act as if they actually crave/desire men.

      In the real world it's only famous athletes, celebrities, the rich, or extremely handsome men who know what it's like to be hit on or pursued by women.

      Maybe these lower income women don't play the "hard to get" game.
      They might embrace traditional gender roles which some men desire.
      My guess is this is one of the reasons why "mail-order brides" exist.
      Some men are willing to travel to meet women of other countries.

      Last but not least even though this is a cynical world we live in it's very possible the man simply {fell in love} with a woman others consider to be "beneath him". It would be one thing if he saw her as a "booty call" but if he's taking her and her children to Disneyland or even Denny's he cares.
      Most men don't invest financially in relationships they don't care about.

      "When a man loves a woman
      Can't keep his mind on nothing else
      He'll trade the world
      For the good thing he's found

      If she's bad he can't see it
      She can do no wrong
      Turn his back on his best friend
      If he put her down

      When a man loves a woman
      Spend his very last dime
      Trying to hold on to what he needs....."

      (When A Man Loves A Woman - Percy Sledge)

  2. psycheskinner profile image82
    psycheskinnerposted 5 months ago

    And almost every normal person wants to need/be needed by some one.
    Do I think there is some huge syndrome of men wanting to rescue "poor' women?  Probably not.

  3. Stacie L profile image88
    Stacie Lposted 5 months ago

    I guess there are men and women like this but I see far more men  (and women)running away from the opposite sex with problems